


It All Comes Back to You

by louispalooza



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bottom Harry, Famous!Louis, M/M, Ordinary!Harry, POV Harry, POV Louis, POV Multiple, Top Louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-11
Updated: 2015-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-26 06:31:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 65,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louispalooza/pseuds/louispalooza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's essentially cut himself off from people and focused on school ever since his best friend turned boyfriend moved to England four and a half years ago. Louis hasn't ever let anyone but Harry in and proceeded to end all contact with him to get the inevitable break up over with, when he moved to England four and a half years ago. Now Louis' famous and in the boy band, Second Star. He never imagined being reunited with Harry, especially not under these circumstances.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Whenever Harry talks or texts, it's Bold.  
> Whenever Louis talks or texts, it's Italic.

~Harry’s POV~

I was met with the blinding flash of cameras as I attempted to make my way to my morning classes. I don’t know why there were people with cameras out here. I don’t know what significant thing must’ve happened to draw them to this Chicago campus. I was only curious enough to wonder, not to actually ask. I had to get to class.

“-before he became famous!”

“Have you kept in touch?”

“-the video?”

“-Second Star-“

They were shouting something things I only caught snippets of here and there; I didn’t really care. I just tried to keep on moving and break through any opening I could. I needed to go to class. It was the last day of classes before finals starts Monday. The class I was headed to had a paper in place of a final and I had to sit there waiting while they called out names until they finally got to the S’s so I could turn mine in. Needless to say, I had to actually be there or flunk the class.

I made a quick run for it and managed to calm myself before I just burst into class. I got a few stares when I entered, but I ignored them and sat down. The teacher started going through the class roster and I just sat there and waited. I was glad we could leave once we turned our papers in. I didn’t want to have to worry about only having fifteen minutes to get to the next class if there was still a mob wandering around campus.

I spent the time between classes practically swimming through reporters. Whatever was going on, it was getting way out of hand. After all my classes were done, I went to the library to try and study, because it didn’t look like I’d be able to make it back to the dorm just yet. I was working at a table when a girl approached me.

“Excuse me. Are you Harry Styles?”

 **“Yes.”** I said warily. People don’t typically come up to me and know my name.

“Oh my God! I can’t believe it! You looked so cute and heartfelt in that video! And Louis Tomlinson is so hot, you’re so lucky you’ve gotten to date him!”

How could she know Louis’ name? And how the hell did she know about the video? Then again, were we even talking about the same video?

**“What are you talking about?”**

“The video, silly. The one where you tell Louis that you love him even if he’s moving.”

Why the Hell would that be anyone’s business except ours? Why would anyone care, for that matter?

**“Why does it matter to you?”**

“Because Louis Tomlinson is like a total God. He’s my favorite member of the famous boy band Second Star. I absolutely love him and you two are so cute together!”

No. Nonononononono. This was not happening. I had finally gotten on with my life. He cannot come back now, let alone release personal shit about the two of us all over the Internet.

Needless to say, I just stared blankly at her. She didn’t take the hint.

“Can I get a picture with you or an autograph?”

**“No.”**

She looked at me like she thought I was just messing around.

“Now seriously though, can I get a photo?”

**“No, and I have to go. Goodbye.”**

I grabbed my stuff and ran off to the dorm. My mind just wandered the whole way back as I was trying to avoid people. It became a little more surreal now that I knew they were after me.

Louis. My Louis who moved to England half way through my junior year. My Louis, whom I dated for two and a half years before he completely cut me off without a warning once he left. Now he was a pop star and my feelings from four and a half years ago are spread out all over the Internet.

I needed to go somewhere else to check that this video is what I think it is.

I had only a tiny shred of hope that this wasn’t really happening.

I opened my laptop as soon as I made it up to my room and it didn’t take long until I was staring at my sixteen-year-old face.

_*Flashback*_

_I was having a hard time coping with the fact that Louis would be moving in a matter of weeks. He was even graduating a semester early so that he wouldn’t have to transfer to the British school system when he moved with his mom and sisters._

**_“Hey, Louis. I was thinking that we could each make a video to give each other so that whenever we miss each other, we can watch it and feel a bit better.”_ **

“Sure, Haz. Whatever you want.” _He smiled down at me and continued stroking his hand through my curls._

_A week later I was recording my video, which was what was currently playing on my screen._

**_“I love you Lou. I know I say it fairly often, but I just feel so great that I can tell you I love you and have you return the feeling, even if it isn’t always in words._ **

**_I know you’re moving away, but I also know that no matter what happens, we can make it work. Maybe, I can still go to college wherever you do, England or here at home. I’ll work really hard to make sure I have the grades to get in wherever you are. Though, no matter what happens, there is something I want you to know._ **

**_You were my first everything: my first friend, my first crush, my first boyfriend, and my first love. I’m sure that you’ll also be my only of all of these things. I know it may be hard, but we’re so perfect together that I know it will work out. Needless to say, I can’t wait until the day I can come visit you and you can show me all around England._ **

**_No matter what, I’m always here for you, Boo. I will love you for forever and always and don’t you ever forget it!”_ **

_*End Flashback*_

I made that video a week before he left. A week before he took my heart with him and never returned it. Now I was pissed. He had no right to spread this video everywhere. It was personal and private and I don’t care whether or not it would help with his image. This video should have never left its’ disc.

~Louis’ POV~

-A few days ago-

It was another Tuesday night movie premier. I had Eleanor on my arm, as usual, though it really meant nothing. She was my beard, though I didn’t really mind having one. I wasn’t ready to come out to the media yet. I, also, didn’t have anyone significant in my life to come out for, so I simply agreed to it when management pitched me the idea.

The camera flashes were still as blinding as always. I swear it was even worse in New York more than anywhere else. All in all, it was a fairly normal appearance. I had Eleanor on my arm and my three band mates, Liam, Niall, and Zayn with me. Everything was going rather well.

Then the press started muttering something about a video. I was confused until someone took pity on me and played it for me on their iPad. I could feel the color drain from my face. How the hell did they get Harry’s goodbye video when I had the only copy? This was not a good situation.

I tried to shrug it off and ignore the questions. I couldn’t answer them. I didn’t know how to play this off. I didn’t want them to be able to find Harry if I said anything that might clue them in on his location and I wasn’t sure if this had officially outed me or not. I didn’t know what to do, so I did what I did best. I ran. I headed straight into the doors with my band mates and beard shooting me concerned looks, but I couldn’t say anything. Not here. Not now.

I didn’t even pay attention to the movie. All I could think about was Harry Styles, whom I haven’t seen since I moved to England four and a half years ago. I wondered if the pap’s had found him yet. I didn’t even know if he was still in Chicago or what he was currently doing with his life. I needed to talk to management.

I claimed to have to go to the bathroom and snuck off into one of the stalls to call the management team. I scheduled an appointment for tomorrow morning to go to a local office and talk about this whole situation. Until then, I couldn’t do much of anything so I just headed back to my seat and tried to not lose my mind during the rest of the movie.

After we left and had dropped Eleanor off, the boys looked to me for some kind of explanation, but I just couldn’t give it to them. Instead, I told them I just wasn’t feeling that well. I don’t know if they believed me or not. I may love these guys like brothers, but there are still some things in my past I haven’t told them yet, nor am I ready to. Either way, they let it go and I let out a sigh of relief.

I ran off and showered as soon as I got back to my hotel room. I needed to get this goop out of my hair before I attempted to sleep. As I lay in bed, I allowed my mind to wonder into forbidden territory, for once. I tried to picture what it would be like to have Harry here. To have his stuff mixed in with mine. To trade clothes like we used to. Back then it had even got to the point where our mothers gave up on trying to distinguish which clothes belonged to whom.

I still had one of his sweaters. I don’t know if he ever found out I took it, but I still had it. It was old and had long ago stopped smelling like him. Still, it was more of a comfort than anything else.

I headed straight to the local offices as soon as I got up. It was early in the morning because we had to discuss a lot of things before the interviews that were scheduled to happen later that day. The meeting was with just me, especially since I haven’t ever told any of the guys much about Harry either. All they knew was I used to hang out with a kid named Harry growing up, which only came out because it’s impossible for me to talk about my childhood without him coming up. Other than that, they know nothing.

“Good morning, Mr. Tomlinson.” Mike Rodgers, the man who travels with us and handles all the day to day of our PR, greeted me.

_“Hello, Mike.”_

“So, I take it you arranged this meeting to deal with the video?”

_“Yes.”_

“Okay. First and foremost, I need to know how much is true and the gist of what happened since we both know you aren’t going to give me all the details.” I guess it’s finally time to tell someone.

_“So, me and Harry were neighbors, the typical we grew up together fell in love in high school and all that jazz. He was there through everything, but then I moved to England. I cut off all ties with him, but before I left we had made videos for each other, and the video he made me is the one that’s been leaked.”_

“Okay. You realize you’re going to have to come out now.”

_“I figured as much. I just don’t really want to talk to about him if we can help it. I mean I don’t mind talking about him, but I’d rather not say too much because I don’t want the press to find him and hound him.”_

“In that case, this is what you’re going to have to do: You’re going to have to address the video sooner rather than later. You’re going to tell everyone that Eleanor was a beard, but not exactly why. You’re going to keep your answers vague about you and Harry. We will want to contact him and see if he wants to date you again or possibly beard for you.”

_“I don’t want him to be dragged into the press. He deserves to be able to move on and have a normal life.”_

“Okay, Louis. But we’re going to draw something up in case they do find him.”

_“I don’t like it.”_

“You don’t have to. You just have to listen to what I tell you.”

_“Fine.”_

Honestly I wanted Harry to be involved as little as possible. I could only hope that they wouldn’t find him.

I went out to the car and we went to go pick up the other boys and they gave me strange looks when they found me already in the car. It was really weird since we were staying on the same floor of our hotel and I was never the first one out.

 _“I met with management this morning.”_ I answered their unasked question.

_“I’m coming out today and telling everyone that Eleanor was a beard.”_

“Okay.” Liam said. “Are you alright?”

_“I’m not sure. Ask me again later.”_

“Okay.” I’m assuming they knew about the video by now and had put some of the pieces together.

They just left me alone after that. It seems that they knew the last thing I wanted or needed to do was talk.

All too soon we were heading into the studio and they were signaling we were on air. Luckily it was just a radio interview and I wouldn’t have to watch the crowd and monitor my facial expressions as I spoke.

“Today I’m here with Louis, Liam, Niall, and Zayn from Second Star.”

We all said our respective greetings into our microphones. We had our usual beginning of the interview questions, which were easy enough to answer between the four of us. Then it was finally my turn to face the questions about the video.

“So, Louis. There seems to be a video circulating of what appears to be someone very close to you. Please tell us about this.”

_“Well, that video was made for me right before I moved to England. It was kind of an ‘I’ll always be there for you’ video. I made one for him too, but I only have the video of him because we traded.”_

“So then was he your boyfriend or is that not true?”

 _“Yes. I’m gay. Eleanor was a beard, because I just wasn’t ready to come out. Needless to say, she won’t be around anymore and I’d appreciate it if no one sent her hate because she deserves to be able to do whatever she wants with her life. I’d like to say sorry to the fans for lying. I know many of them supported us throughout our ‘relationship.’ I hope they can forgive me and accept me.”_ I managed to dodge the actual are you dating part and I was glad when the interviewer let that go. He was probably happy to have gotten to be there for the gay and bearded reveal.

“So I’ve heard you’ve written several of the songs on your albums. Were any of them about you and this mystery guy?”

 _“A few of them were, but that’s about all I’m going to say about it. Some things should remain private.”_ I hated sharing things that personal, even with the guys.

“Okay. It looks like that’s all we have time for. Thanks once again for listening to me with Second Star. Here is one of their hit singles Best Song Ever.” He ended.

“And we’re off.”

We stood up and mingled a little bit before we had to leave to go to the next event. I learned a while ago that it’s fairly pointless memorizing the promo schedule so I just follow where everyone else leads.

“So are you still with him, Louis?” Niall asked as soon as we got in the car.

_“No. I haven’t talked to or seen him since I left Chicago before we formed a band.”_

“I understand you don’t want to give details, but why the vague answers then? I mean you could just say we dated and now it’s done.” Liam said.

_“Mike said to keep it vague. They want it open ended in case there’s a chance they can bring Harry into a contract or something.”_

“Okay. Do you want to talk about it?” Liam asked slowly.

_“Not particularly. Maybe when this all blows over.”_

I looked up to see them share a look like they didn’t believe it would blow over at all. I still maintained hope that they were wrong.

All hope failed two days later.

It was Friday and I had constantly been checking the Internet for any signs that they had found Harry. I was waiting in the dressing room while the boys had their make-up done when I found it. There was a clip of Harry getting mobbed by pap’s at the University of Chicago. I still remember talking about going there with him. And about how we could get a dorm or an apartment together so we didn’t have to sneak into each others’ rooms for a cuddle or more…

I snapped myself out of the reverie and texted Mike that he should arrange for me to go to Chicago tonight instead of back home to England. He complied texting me he’d send the details once they were arranged. I sighed in relief. I would have gone by myself if he hadn’t agreed, but everything was a lot easier this way. I had to get to him no matter what. I needed to rescue Harry from this mess.

The interviews went about the same as always, though I think the other boys noticed the tension in my smiles and body language due to the entire situation.

We headed to the airport and it took a while before we finally made it through security. I said goodbye to them where the terminal splits and they looked at me funny because I still hadn’t told them about my change in plans yet.

_“Look. I’m heading to Chicago over break to go see Harry. I’ll call you when I can, but don’t worry about me. I want you guys to enjoy your break and I’ll see you in a week. Okay?”_

“Are you sure about this, Louis?” Zayn asked. “I mean, what if he doesn’t want to see you. Or, you could make it worse by showing up. I don’t know what happened with you two, but you need to be sure you want him back in your life before you do this. Okay?”

_“I understand what you’re saying, but I need to go find him, even if the only thing I’m going to get is closure. I’ll miss you guys, but I have to go.”_

We had a group hug and then I was heading out towards a different terminal. It was only a little over a two hour flight. Sadly we had left at about ten at night and with the time change that made it a quarter after eleven, by the time we landed. This meant there was no way they were going to condone me seeing him until tomorrow.


	2. Chapter One

~Louis’ POV~

I woke up at five am, in hopes I could sneak out. I didn’t need PR or any of my bodyguards intruding on what’s sure to turn out to be an intricate situation; I mean how could there not be a problem when I show up on Harry’s doorstep out of the blue. I covered up with a t-shirt, sweats and a beanie and hailed a cab. I used the Internet to find out where Harry’s dorm was on the way to campus. I hated that people were being so intrusive, but at the same time it was really helpful right about now.

 I was hoping it would be early enough in the morning that the camera frenzy would have thinned out enough for me to sneak in. As luck would have it, the paparazzi were pretty scarce. I just pulled my beanie low and hoped my sweatpants and t-shirt would allow me to blend in and follow the random guy in front of me into the dorm. I don’t know why he was coming back at this hour, but I was thankful he was when I spotted the locks on the doors.

I didn’t know how I was going to find his room until I looked to see the RA’s had, conveniently, come up with cute name designs for everyone’s door. I had one last obstacle, which was to hope that Harry was, currently, in his room and didn’t spend the night somewhere else like the guy I followed in.

It took a couple of knocks before I finally heard footsteps and I held my breath as I waited for him to open his door. I hoped he didn’t have a roommate; that would have made things more awkward than they already were.

He opened the door and my mouth dried up instantly at the sight of him. He was easily a half a head, if not a whole head, taller than me now, where we used to be the same height. His face, while similar, had taken on a more masculine edge. His hair was longer and messed up from sleeping. I had an urge to run my hands through it, but I quickly stamped down on that.

His torso and arms had gained muscle tone since the last time I saw him and he also has a happy trail that I don’t remember seeing before. His shoulders had broadened out, though the intimidation of it all was cut down by the fact he was still cutely pigeon toed.

 He had a whole slew of tattoos, which may have been just a little hot. He had a pair of swallows on his chest covering up the illicit Love banner tattoo I watched him get despite being underage. It stung a little to know that he covered up that memory with something else. I guess it had been naïve to think he had kept it. My eyes widened when I noticed he only had on a pair of boxer-briefs.

I returned my gaze to his face in hopes he wouldn’t catch me staring at his crotch, and it still felt weird to have to look up to him now. He looked genuinely surprised and like he was still half asleep. I felt a bit bad for waking him up but it was too late now.

~Harry’s POV~

I was going to kill whoever was knocking on my door at this ungodly hour. I opened the door to find someone I didn’t think I’d ever see again. Louis.

He looked different now. He was shorter than I remembered, but he still had his dominant aura despite his smaller stature. His style had changed quite a bit. I guess he finally invested in contacts. He had a quiff with a beanie somehow balanced on top without destroying his hair, which was significantly shorter than the last time I saw him; I could actually see his ears. His cheekbones were more prominent now. He also had some scruff that he’d never grown back then.

His t-shirt and sweatpants didn’t show much but I could see that he had developed more muscle since then. He had a permanent masculine edge to him, where he used to be more androgynous and you could only see his dominance if you knew him well enough. I couldn’t decide if I liked gruffer Louis or cuddly Louis with the black-rimmed glasses and his cuddly scarves better.

I quickly lost track of that thought when my eyes got stuck on the tattoos along his arm, most prominently the giant bird he had. I still remember when I had gotten my first tattoo of Love written on a banner and he said he would never get a tattoo. I guess things change.

I blinked a couple of times to snap myself away from my blatant staring and decided it was too early for this shit and shut the door on him. I just crawled back into the bed. Too bad he had apparently stuck his foot in the door.

_“Harry, you’re going to have to deal with me eventually.”_

**“Not at half-ass-o’clock, I don’t.”** I said and ducked under the covers, covering my head with my pillow.

_“You do if you want to be able to leave your dorm without getting mobbed.”_

I lifted the pillow enough so I could stare right at him, genuinely confused.

**“Why would I want to leave the dorm?”**

I had no reason to leave. I had enough food to last me until Monday, when I had my only two finals. Then I could leave and go back to my mom’s house for the rest of the summer.

_“Because you need to come with me to meet with my PR team so we can talk about this situation, because it’s obviously not going to just go away.”_

He just wants me to go with him for his benefit. Not going to happen. The last thing I wanted to do on a Saturday was head off to meet my ex-boyfriend’s management team.

**“Yeah, right. Like I’m going to go with the guy who created the problem in the first place. You may have made this mess, but I’m going to get out of it all by myself. I don’t _need_ you to protect me, not anymore.”**

He looked a little pained at my statement, but that was the point. He deserved that and more.

_“How exactly do you plan on doing that?”_

**“I’ll figure it out when I get there. Besides, I only have to get through Monday and then classes are done.”**

_“The attention isn’t just going to magically disappear, Harry.”_ He said in a clipped tone.

 **“Doesn’t mean I have to be around you.”** I returned.

_“You’re right, but if you want this to go away faster, you’ll come with me. Besides, the sooner you agree to come with me, the sooner you can get me out of your hair, because I’m not leaving without you.”_

**“Isn’t that rich, coming from you. Now you won’t leave without me, when a few years ago you vanished without a trace. I’ll come with you, but only so I can finally get you out of my life.”** I spat at him.

I rolled out of bed and proceeded to throw on the first things I could grab, which ended up being a pair of sweatpants and a V-neck. I threw some of my study materials into my backpack, because who knew how long it would be before I could make it back. I like to make the most of my time. I grabbed my ID and I was ready to go.

**“What are you staring at? Let’s go.”**

He walked out the door and I followed him out. He paused at the exit. I wondered what we were waiting for and then I realized he probably didn’t have a ride.

**“Do we need to take my car?”**

He nodded. I got the hotel name from him and we drove off.

 _“You are totally a hipster, aren’t you?”_ He asked, probably based off the music playing through my speakers.

I didn’t dignify that with a response and just kept on driving to the hotel.

I was surprised that the hotel wasn’t surrounded when we got there. I guess nobody knew he was staying here… yet; maybe he wasn’t even as famous as everyone kept implying. We headed straight for the elevator and then to his room. He got a disapproving nod on the way in from a burly looking guy, but I think that had more to do with the fact he ditched what appeared to be his security team rather than him bringing a male back to his room.

I just headed straight for the desk to get some work done, while Louis awkwardly hovered. My goal was to have as little interaction as possible and who could blame me for studying with finals so close?

It was about an hour before some people finally came to the door. I think Louis named one of them as Mike, but I didn’t really care.

“You must be Harry,” he stated, “You’ve grown quite a bit since the video.”

 **“Thanks…”** I said, a little unsure of how to respond.

“In that case, let’s get straight down to business. We are currently looking at two options. Your first option, and the better one I believe, is to sign a contract for the summer. You would agree to at least pretend to be long-term boyfriends, like you never broke up. You would get paid a salary and all job related expenses would be covered. If it doesn’t work out, you can ‘break up’ before you do whatever you’re going to do in the fall.

Your other option is to sign a non-disclosure agreement that prevents you from ever talking about your previous relationship. You would get no money, and you and Louis would promptly cut off all ties. We will tell everyone it ended, but you won’t get a say in the matter, and if you attempted to do any interviews we could sue you for everything you own.”

**“May I look at the contracts before I decide?”**

“Sure.” He seemed smug, like he knew he could convince me to sign the one he wanted. Apparently he hadn’t found out I was a pre-mediation student which required me to take some of the same classes as pre-law students.

These options were both shitty. The second contract allowed me to get away from Louis faster, but they could also completely trash me and I’d have no say. It contained quite a few constrictions for my activity in order to allow this to die down. Though it wasn’t like I participated in half of those activities anyway, but it was the principle of the thing.

The first contract offered me a job for this summer and didn’t interfere with my plans to start graduate school in the fall. I would get to travel and earn an income. It, also, provided compensation for all job related expenses. The downsides were numerous obligations to portray the ‘happy boyfriend’ role. It was honestly excessive the specificity they had in the contract to uphold the perfect couple image.

Contract one seemed like the only viable option but I wasn’t going to make it easy for this guy

 **“I believe I will sign the first contract.”** The guy smiled at me. **“But, I’m only going to participate in one interview announcing our relationship. I want to have a normal life after this and if this little boy band is truly as famous as everyone keeps saying, I don’t want my face out there more than necessary to show we are a happy couple or whatever image you’re going for. Also, do I really have to go to so many of their stupid concerts?”**

“We will concede to your demand regarding the interviews but yes, you do have to go to his concerts. As far as the public knows you are unemployed this summer and therefore have nothing stopping you from being a supportive boyfriend to Louis.”

I figured that last part wouldn’t fly but it was worth a shot.  Plus it was worth it to throw a snide insult Louis’ way, petty though it may be. We proceeded to spend the next hour or so making sure there were signatures and initials in all the right places.

“Now, let’s talk about your start date since that is done.”

**“Well, I have two finals Monday and after that I’m done. Graduation is Saturday, but I hadn’t really been planning on going. Now I really don’t want to go since this mess has started.”**

_“You’re graduating?!”_ I had almost managed to convince myself that Louis wasn’t in the room. Almost.

 **“Yes, Louis. I had enough credits to graduate a year early.”** That’s the upside of taking a ridiculous number of college credit classes in high school.

“In that case, we’re going to have Louis help you move out after finals and we’re going to pack whatever you want and send it to London.”

**“Why are you going to send my stuff to London?”**

“Because you’re moving into Louis’ apartment for the duration of the contract.”

  **“Why on Earth, would I do that? Can’t I stay in a hotel or something?”**

 _“I didn’t realize the idea of us staying together repulsed you so much.”_ Snide, defensive Louis had returned, always waiting with a quick retort.

“Quiet, Louis. Harry, it makes no sense for you to stay in Chicago. You’ve completed your degree and haven’t gotten settled anywhere yet. Your boyfriend is famous and has a fancy apartment and lives across the ocean. It makes more sense for you to move in with him now that your education isn’t holding you back.”

**“Are you spinning a story?”**

“I’m trying to prove a point about how other people might interpret the situation.”

 He had a point. There was no logical explanation for why I wouldn’t be moving in with my boyfriend especially after we’ve already been outed.

**“Fine.”**

“You leave Monday night. The press will be there when you take off and land so try to look halfway decent. So now that that’s sorted, I’ll leave you two to get reacquainted.”

He and his team packed everything up and left us alone.

 _“So Harry-“_ I cut him off.

**“Thanks for having me, Louis, but I think I’m going to go study now and maintain some normalcy before my life gets turned upside down. Let’s just exchange numbers so I can text you when to come over Monday and leave it at that.”**

I shoved my phone at him and he typed in his info. I grabbed my phone back once he was done.

_“But I-“_

**“See you Monday.”**

I bolted out of the door and headed back to my dorm.

I had two days. Two days, to pretend my life was normal and I wasn’t going to spend the summer with the guy who ripped my heart out without a goodbye; with absolutely no reason as to why he cut me out of his life. Now I just had to tell my mother.

I called her as soon as I got back to the dorm.

**“Hi, Mom.”**

“Hey, Sweetie. What’s going on?”

 **“I just wanted to let you know that I recently got in contact with Louis again and I’m going to stay with him in London for the summer.”** She was basically as oblivious to pop culture as I was so she’d never find out the truth—or at least the media spun version of it.

“That’s great! You’ll get the chance to rekindle your friendship. I know you two were really close, back in the day.” Boy did she not know the half of it.

**“I just thought I’d let you know. We’re leaving Monday night.”**

“We’re leaving? Does that mean he’s here?”

 **“Yes.”** Shit…

“Well then you two have to come over Monday night and have dinner here.”

**“I don’t know…”**

“I won’t take a no from you. You have to come say goodbye; you might as well bring him along with you. I insist you let me treat you to a nice home cooked meal. I know you haven’t had one in a while.”

I felt a little guilty for not having been home much. I almost never went home, except for when the dorms kicked us out for break. I blame maternal guilt trips for finally giving in and agreeing to spend even more time with Louis than necessary.

**“Okay. We’ll be there Monday night.”**

“Come around five at the latest. I love you.”

**“I love you too, Mom.”**

Why did I have to have my slip of the tongue and say we. Unfortunately, I needed to text Louis.

**-We’re going to my Mom’s Monday night for dinner.**

_-okay. we really should talk b4 all this starts._

**-Nope. Not going to happen. See you Monday.**

My phone went off again, but I ignored it.

I spent the rest of my last weekend of freedom studying and all too soon I found myself waking up for my first 8 am final. I groaned and hit my alarm clock. It was time to face the music in more ways than one.

My first final took a while, almost the whole two hours. Sadly, the second final didn’t take long enough, so I found myself dilly-dallying in order to prolong the amount of time until I had to leave the exam room and return to the dorm to start packing. I could only last so long until I got tired of sitting there and staring at my answers.

I sent off a quick text telling him to come over and I’ll meet him at the door to the dorms since they’re locked at the entrance. It took about a half an hour to get here, with his security this time. The Pap’s went crazy went I let him in to go up to my room. The charade has officially begun.

It was only about 11:30, which gave us plenty of time to get my stuff packed before we had to leave for my mom’s. His security team waited outside, so we could have plenty of room to pack. I instantly went to work, I had already packed away anything I didn’t want him to handle or see over the weekend.

I shoved a suitcase in front of my dresser and told him to put all my clothes in there while I started packing up my various decorations. We worked in silence for a while before he finally couldn’t keep his mouth shut and let out a polite cough. I wasn’t surprised.

_“We really need to at least talk about what’s going to happen and what we’re going to say to the media.”_

**“Okay.”**

_“You aren’t running away this time?”_

**“I can’t, really, if I want to get all my stuff packed and moved out before we leave tonight.”**

_“Oh.”_ He sounded a little disappointed at my response. I couldn’t bring myself to care.

_“Do you have any idea of what you want to say as an explanation?”_

**“Honestly, I had no idea you were in a world famous band until three days ago. I still have no idea what your career path has been or even how you got discovered. So I don’t think I’m going to be much help on this one.” I said tersely.**

I looked up to see he looked genuinely shocked. Like it was completely unfathomable that I had no idea he had become such a star.

 **“I’m a bit of a, how would you put it, a pretentious hipster.”** I reminded him and made sure to put every ounce of sarcasm I could into my words.

_“Oh, well. In that case, after I moved to England, I met Zayn, Niall, and Liam at the coffee shop I was working at. They walked in when I was singing, while closing up and asked me if I was going to audition for X-Factor, a competitive singing show.”_

I saw an actual smile appear on his face at the memory. I remember when I used to cause him to smile like that… the past is the past, I reminded myself.

_“I told them I had thought about it, but I didn’t really want to audition alone. They told me they had formed a group between the three of them and thought I might sound good with them. Our voices worked well together and we got on well enough so we ended up forming Second Star.”_

**“Second Star, as in the second star to the right, as in a Peter Pan reference?”**

_“Yeah. Most people don’t recognize the reference.”_ He sounded fond.

I didn’t want him to know, hell I didn’t even want to admit to myself, that I still remember every detail of his personality and all our inside jokes and references. That I remember when we were children and watched Peter Pan so many times his mother had to purchase another VHS because we wore ought the first one. I didn’t want anyone to know, that even after all this time I still knew him so well, I could still read him like a slightly faded book.

 **“So what do you want to say?”** I broke the moment.

_“I guess we could just say that at first I was competing on X-Factor so I wanted the focus to be on the band and not my sexuality, not to mention you were on the other side of the ocean, so I didn’t say anything. Then I became famous, but you were still in school and we wanted you to be able to finish your education without the distraction of being a pop star’s boyfriend and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come out yet. Since you’ve graduated, we’ve decided it’s finally time for us to move in together and it’ll be nice to finally have our relationship out in the open and be able to go on dates and really be together.”_

**“Okay. I think I can live with that.”**

We lapsed back into silence.

 _“What did you major in, anyway?”_ I guess we were now playing catch up, well more like awkward first day of class introductions made more awkward by our history.

**“I did a psychology major with a minor in international affairs and I plan on going into a mediation PhD program.”**

_“Wow. That’s great, Haz. I can’t believe you’re going to be a lawyer!”_

**“Don’t call me that! And I’m not going to be a lawyer.”** I was quick to respond.

It hurt to hear the nickname coming from him. Especially after all this time.

 _“Sorry.”_ He murmured. This may be harder than I thought.

It only took about another half an hour before he had reopened his mouth.

_“Hey, Harry?”_

**“Yes?”** I tried not to sound too annoyed.

 _“Where do you want these?”_ He asked tentatively.

I wondered what the hell he could’ve found so that the word tentative applied to him. I turned around and he was holding up a large, half empty box of condoms. Oh. I had forgotten those were in there. I hadn’t had a need for them in quite a while, but he didn’t need to know that.

 **“Oh, um, just throw them in my suitcase.”** It was better to be safe than sorry.

He just looked at me funny.

_“Why do you need them?”_

**“Safety first.”**

_“You realize you can’t exactly sleep with other people while you’re with me for the summer?”_ He said slowly like I didn’t realize what being his contract boyfriend meant.

 **“Seriously, Louis? I don’t plan on using them. Hell, when we were together we didn’t exactly plan on having sex either. They’re just something you should always keep around just in case.”** And I sure as hell wasn’t going to borrow them from him, should the need arise.

 _“Just in case what? You can’t go out and party without me and I’m pretty sure we’re not going there-“_ well isn’t that the truth? _“-and there’s no one you can fuck without it leaking to the press.”_

 **“You’re forgetting a few people.”** I’m not planning on having sex, but he’s just pissing me off, so I can’t help but to return the favor.

_“I don’t believe I am.”_

**“I think you are.”**

_“I think I’m not.”_

**“Well you are.”**

_“Then name them.”_ He said like he’d already won the argument.

 **“Your band mates.”** I said as I stared him right in the eye.

He looked genuinely horrified, like the thought of me being with one of his band mates completely repulsed him. He deserved to picture the painful images. He deserved a lot more than that.

 _“You’re planning on screwing my friends?”_ I rolled my eyes.

**“Don’t act like I’m devising some evil plan to screw as many people as possible behind your back. It’s no longer your business, who I’m sleeping with. You made that perfectly clear quite a long time ago.”**

_“You’re not sleeping with other people!”_

**“You don’t get a say in that matter!”** he was honestly getting way too invested in this argument.

 _“I think I do when it involves_ my _boyfriend!”_

**“Fake boyfriend and it’s _my_ body!”**

_“I don’t care!”_

**“And therein lies the problem.”**

_“What’s that supposed to mean?”_ He narrowed his gaze at me.

 **“Well, maybe, if you used your brain, you’d know.”** I snapped back.

_“Well, if you used your brain you would realize that sleeping with them wouldn’t happen.”_

**“Why? Other than you ‘forbade’ it.”**

_“Because, at least two and a half of them are straight.”_

**“That doesn’t mean anything, Louis. I’ve turned a man or two in my time. It’s the dimples and the cocksucker lips; gets them every time.”**

His jaw looked like it hit the floor. I guess it was a surprise to him. I had never been this blatantly sexual around him before. It was always making love when we were together. I was, also, the submissive one who always stuttered or blushed when it came to physical desires. Cocksucker is probably not a word he would have ever pictured coming out of my sixteen-year-old mouth. But I’m not sixteen anymore.

I think he was so startled by my blatant sexual statement, that he just let it drop, figuratively and literally. His hand had gone slack along with his jaw, dropping the condoms in the suitcase. He, also, dropped the conversation because I don’t believe he knew how to handle where it was heading or face the fact that I’m no longer so pure. That was perfectly fine with me.

A few hours later everything was packed. Now we just had to get my boxes out of the dorm and into my car, while attempting to get through the mobs of people. How was that going to work?

 **“Louis, how are we going to get my stuff to my car?”** I just pretended the earlier conversation didn’t occur.

 _“We’ll just get security to do it.”_ He seemed to do be doing the same.

 **“Seriously? Why can’t we just do it ourselves?”** Was someone too important to do his own manual labor now?

_“Either way they’ll be going with us, this way it will be less of a hassle for everyone involved.”_

**“Fine,”** I begrudgingly agreed. It didn’t feel right to have someone else do what I was perfectly capable of, but Louis probably knew better in this case; after all he’s been facing the hoards of fans since long before I started.

Louis disappeared into the hallway and returned with one of the men whom I gave my keys and a description of my car to. There was nothing else for us to do except wait until they got my car packed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So here's chapter one. We hope you like it and feel free to message us at any time. Have a fantastic weekend!


	3. Chapter Two

~Harry’s POV~

We were very good at faking that nothing was wrong as the men came in and out to take my stuff to my car. From the outside it probably seemed like we were sitting in companionable silence rather than avoiding opening our mouths in case we said something that could be overheard and screw this all up. Who knows how informed security are or whether or not they’d be tempted to sell information to the press. I didn’t know much about security, if they had confidentiality contracts or how much we were allowed to say around them.

I was relieved when they finally finished and I could leave this awkward situation. Then, I realized I was probably Louis’ ride. And we’re going back home to visit my mother who knows next to nothing about what happened between Louis and I. I held back a groan. This was going to be a whole new kind of awkward.

“Here’s how it’s going to go.” One of the guards informed us.

“We’re going to escort you down to Harry’s car and make sure you get out alright. As long as no one seems to be following the two of you, we’re going to let you visit in peace. When you’re done, give us a call and we’ll come pick you up and any of the things you want to take with you from your mother’s house. If you don’t call us we’ll be there by 6:30 so you can make your flight.”

**“Okay. But I have to go check out on the way down.”**

“Check out?”

**“I have to tell the office I’ve moved out.”**

“Fine. Now let’s go.”

It wasn’t hard to go to the desk to check out. The hard part was getting to the parking lot. We headed through the crowd that had significantly increased throughout the day. There was even some screaming. I can’t handle screaming people. I guess I’m going to have to get used to it to survive the next three months or go deaf trying.

It was a painfully slow process to get out of the parking lot. I was afraid I was going to hit somebody. I was finally able to breathe once I got off campus. I turned up the music and tried to focus on the road and blocking everything and everyone out.

I didn’t want to think too hard lest I start worrying about how Louis would behave around my mom. Would he act like he used to? Would the distance be noticeable? I hope she didn’t embarrass me.

I parked in the driveway and it felt so familiar yet so different. The last time I drove him to my house was when I was sixteen and I used to drive him everywhere. He used to call me his personal chauffer. He even got me a hat as a joke. I can’t remember whether or not I got rid of it.

I shook my head to get rid of the memory. Those times have passed, I reminded myself. I have moved on…

I took a deep breath and opened the car door. I got out and went to the back of my car. I figured I could leave what I was taking in my car and move most of my miscellaneous stuff into the house. When Louis came to the back I shoved a box into his hands and he about dropped the unexpected weight.

I picked up another box and went to the door. I unlocked it and started walking to my room. I just assumed Louis was behind me and if not, oh well. I made it halfway up the stairs before my mom made an appearance.

“Harry! You should know better than to make a guest work.” She chastised.

I gave her a look.

“Yes, Harry. I do realize it’s Louis and he spent half of his time here back in the day-” I winced a little. “-But he’s still a guest.”

I rolled my eyes.

 _“It’s fine, Anne. I offered to help.”_ That was a lie. He’s gotten a lot better at that, I noted… no surprise there.

“Okay. But don’t work too hard. Dinner will be ready soon.”

_“Okay.”_

We unloaded the rest of the miscellaneous boxes and I made sure everything I wanted to take was ready to be moved and easily accessible. I went to check on my mom.

**“Hi, Mom. I got all my stuff sorted. Do you need anything?”**

“Perfect timing. Go set the table. Dinner is ready.”

 **“Mom,”** I whined.

“Don’t Mom me. This isn’t just about Louis. My baby’s going away and I would like to have a proper meal.”

**“You didn’t have to fuss over me.”**

“Yes I did. Now go.” She said as she motioned me out of the kitchen.

I did as I was told while she shouted to Louis that dinner was ready.

We started dinner off with the usual ‘it’s fantastic’ and ‘it tastes delicious’ compliments. We dug in for a while before my mom spoke up.

“I remember when you were five and seven. I caught you two playing treasure hunt in our backyards. You had a treasure map and everything. You made Harry follow it to the letter.”

He snickered at the memory.

“And at the end was the cutest stuffed kitty cat. Harry took that thing everywhere. He couldn’t sleep without it.” She smiled to herself.

 When I looked up I met Louis’ eyes and we exchanged a small smile before I looked back down at my plate. That was a great time. He had me running circles around our yards and then couldn’t remember where he had hidden the box. It took a couple of hours before I finally found the “X” marking the spot where he had hidden the shoebox with the kitty inside.

Afterward, he insisted that he had known where it was all along. I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t argue either. I never argued with Louis back then. We were both happy and that was all that had mattered. Everything had been much simpler back then.

I let my smile fade as fast as I could get away with. I didn’t want my mom to notice my abrupt mood shift or the shift in our dynamic. She didn’t need to know about everything that was going on. She didn’t even know what had happened the first time around. I mean she knew we were dating but she never guessed how close we really were, though co-dependent might have been a better adjective, at least on my end of it.

We finished up our meals in relative normality and I stayed in the kitchen to talk with my mom while Louis went and called for our ride.

“You sure you’re ready to go?” She asked.

**“Yes, Mom. I have everything I need. I’ll see you at the end of the summer before I go off to grad school.”**

“Are you sure you want to go halfway across the world with a friend you haven’t seen in four and a half years? I know you two were close, but do you still trust him?”

I knew I couldn’t tell her the truth that I didn’t trust him, but I know that’s not what a mother wants to hear right before she sends her son off to live with the same him for the summer. So I lied to her… again, as I always seemed to do about Louis’ and my relationship.

_*Flashback*_

_-Four years ago-_

_I was crying in my room. Again. I had been in here crying for about a week now. It had been a week since I had finally realized Louis was really gone and never coming back, nor responding to my e-mails. My mom came in to talk with me._

_“Harry, are you alright?”_

**_“No. I’m not all right. I’ll never be all right anymore. He’s never coming back!”_ ** _I sobbed into my pillow._

_“Now come on, Sweetie. I know he was your first ‘boyfriend,’” she put it in quotation marks like we had been some grade schoolers that called each other Hubbie._

_“But it’s time for you to get up. It’s bright outside and it’s summer! You should be enjoying it or if you’re going to stay in your room all day, you could at least start filling out some college applications.”_

_That had been the wrong thing to say. When she mentioned college I thought about how I had planned to try and follow Louis, wherever he may be. But I still haven’t heard a word since he left. There was no goodbye, no break up, no I made it safely to England, it was just silence. Dead silence. Ghastly, never-ending silence following me everywhere I went._

_I, also, realized my mom would never understand. She couldn’t envision that I could be so totally in love, yes it’s sadly present tense, or that I would grieve like death had befallen him since he had left me without a word. We had something magnificent! I could see it in the pictures of us looking at each other, that we had a spark, a connection, that most people never find. My mom never found that with someone else. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t understand._

_*End Flashback*_

I had learned that day that Mom didn’t truly know me or us. I didn’t share with her as much, because there was nothing to talk to her about. She couldn’t comprehend what was going on in my life, so why bother sharing it. That’s why I don’t think she’s as surprised by my abrupt leaving. That’s, also, why I’m still not going to tell her anything.

 **“I’m going to be fine. Louis has never caused too much bodily harm before. I don’t believe he’ll start now.”** Emotional harm was a whole other story.

“Okay, Sweetie.”

I saw Louis over my mom’s shoulder while we were hugging. He mouthed that our ride was here and I mouthed just a few minutes in return.

She held me a little tighter and pulled me down to kiss my forehead, like she used to do when I was younger and significantly shorter. I am going to miss her on some level, but I can’t help but think things aren’t going to be that different from when I was at school. I didn’t really feel all that sad when I walked out the door.

I went to go help the security team load my stuff and they insisted they should do it and asked what all I was taking. I told them it was just the stuff out here and they quickly loaded it all up. It wasn’t that much, considering that I didn’t know how well things would travel and didn’t want to haul a ton of stuff across the Atlantic for only a few months.

Louis gave me a once over before we left.

_“Come here.”_

**“What?”**

_“Come here.”_ He repeated. I was skeptical.

_“Let me fix your hair and straighten your shirt a little and then we’ll be ready.”_

**“Why?”**

_“There’s going to be press waiting to see us off.”_

**“Oh, right.”**

I had already forgotten. I let him do as he wished. It felt weird to have his hand in my curls after so long, well hair would be a more accurate description—it wasn’t all that curly these days. Nonetheless, it felt good and was over too soon. I stared at him until someone awkwardly coughed behind us and the moment broke. I was grateful. There was no need to go back down that rabbit hole.

I climbed into the car with Louis following after. The rest of the ride to the airport was silent. There were more security waiting for us at the airport. There were a lot of people here, I assume to meet the famous Louis Tomlinson.

 _“Okay, there are a lot of people. Just breathe. You can either stay by my side or walk ahead while I say hello to a few people.”_ Neither one sounded particularly appealing.

“You don’t have time. You can walk slowly and wave, otherwise just go straight through.” One of the security guards pitched in.

Louis turned his attention to me.

_“Okay, then do you want to walk by my side? It would look more convincing. Oh and you don’t have to say anything; just smile if you wish.”_

**“We might as well walk together. Are you ready for the circus to begin?”**

_“If you are.”_

“You guys are clear to go.”

We got out of the car and he wrapped his arm around my waist. I was grateful; he was always better at steering me than I was. Knowing my luck, I would have probably drifted off sideways into the crowd of people if I hadn’t had Louis’ arm to support me. These people were shouting. What was it with fans and screaming? It isn’t necessary to yell at that volume. They aren’t going to gain any more attention just because there screams are that much more annoying.

There were people shouting his name and flashes snapping. This is what I’m going to have to endure this summer. Now it’s really real. I tried to plaster a smile on my face, though I fear I just looked overwhelmed the whole time.

I looked over to Louis and he had a smile plastered on his face. This didn’t seem like a situation that would make him particularly happy enough to bring out a smile, so I figured it was more to appease the fans and make us look like a happy couple rather than from true delight. Soon enough we were escaping into the air conditioning and getting processed to go overseas.

We had our passports checked and the bodyguards checked our, mostly my, bags and we were heading to the terminal. He got a few picture requests on the way, which I offered to take for them. The girls looked excited and I was happy to be behind the camera rather than in front of it.

They called for first class to board and I was surprised when Louis motioned me to get up. I guess this was one of the perks of publicly dating a boy bander: front row seats. Boarding took forever, as usual. We got a few stares from a few people, which wasn’t all that unexpected at this point, though I’m not sure if the staring was due to our age, our blatant couple positioning, or his fame. I was relieved when we finally took off at around 9.

It didn’t take long for Louis to fall asleep. Things had probably been stressful enough to tire him out, or he was just used to getting sleep whenever he could. I was glad to have time to just think.

How did I end up here in this situation? I’m leaving for London, of all places. I’m going to be publicly ‘dating’ my ex-boyfriend who shoved himself back into my life just as abruptly as he had left it. How am I going to hide away all the pain he caused me when we’re around other people? How am I going to pretend to be completely in love, like he never left me in the first place? Things would be so much different. I hope that no one asks for stories when we do our coming out interview, because I am already bad enough with stories, let alone coming up with one on the spot.

My mind started drifting down another route, more introspective, rather than analyzing the external situation. What does it say about me that I was so easily able to leave? It seems my home was tied to him; is still tied to him. I seem to have not been tethered to anything since he left. I never had another real boyfriend. I never really made any friends since then. Hell, my mother isn’t even holding me back, or providing a good enough reason to stay in Chicago. I haven’t formed a meaningful human connection in a while. I haven’t really cared either.

My thoughts started slowing down and becoming sluggish. I guess my full day of finals and packing finally caught up with me. I tilted my chair back and soon joined Louis in the dream realm.

~Louis’ POV~

I woke up with something abnormally warm in my arms. I looked at my chest to find a curly mess in my way. I was his pillow, just like old times. He’s so much taller than me now, but at the moment he looked so small. I just want to protect him like I always have.

I tried to cherish it while I still could. I knew he would move away once he was awake. He had probably curled into me in his sleep, which wasn’t too uncommon for him. We used to be able to fall asleep on opposite sides of the bed, or even facing different directions as children, yet we always ended curled up together. At least he wasn’t talking in his sleep tonight. That would have been too cute to resist. But I have to. He has made it perfectly clear this is a contract situation and only a contract situation.

I just decided to enjoy what would probably be the first decent night’s sleep in a while despite being on an airplane. I may have cuddled him a little closer before passing out again.

I woke up a little disoriented. Why the hell was someone shaking me? I blinked open and saw Harry.

**“Louis, we are starting our descent. You need to sit up.”**

_“Oh. Thanks.”_

I looked at him and saw the bags under his eyes. I guess he’s not as used to sleeping on any surface possible whenever possible. He’s going to be feeling some major jet lag later.

I sat up and soon enough we started to descend. We landed at about 11 am, London time. It was about 5 am in Chicago. He was going to crash hard later. I hope I can still move him if he crashes somewhere… inconvenient. I wonder if I can still carry him. He’s taller now, but still lanky. Not to mention that I have more muscle than I did then. Irrelevant because he’ll never let me try.

We got off the plane first and went to face the crowd of people. There were even more here than there were in Chicago. I hope they weren’t disappointed when I hadn’t come back with the rest of my band mates. Though I kind of wondered if they were here to see me or to see whom I was bringing home with me.

I wrapped my arm around Harry, whose eyes seemed extremely sensitive to the bright light and the camera flashes, probably due to fatigue. I felt him stumble a little bit and just pulled him closer so he wouldn’t actually fall. I made sure to smile and wave while simultaneously trying to keep an eye on him.

I was grateful for the tinted windows of the car when we climbed inside. I heard him let out a shaky breath.

_“You all right?_

**“Yes? No? Maybe? I’m not sure.”**

Ah yes. That overwhelmed feeling. I hope the fans don’t scare him off the day I finally got him back.

I shot off a quick text to the boys telling them I’d be home soon. I figured I would tell them about the Harry situation later and in person. I had only ever made vague mentions of Harry, and then never anything to demonstrate the extent of our relationship.

 We entered the parking garage and went to head up to the apartment. I held onto Harry’s hand as he gawked at the Lobby. His distraction was probably the reason he let me hold onto him this long in the first place, but I’ll take what I can get.

First things first, I dragged him over to the front desk. Management had already called to tell them Harry was moving in with me, but I still had to bring him to the desk to get his keys and so the doormen would know to let him in. It was a closed apartment so everyone allowed in had to be a resident, come in with a resident or be on a guest list.

I grabbed his keys for him as he continued to stare and then we were off to the lift and headed to my floor. All of our stuff was sitting in the living room already.

 _“Welcome to my humble abode.”_ I said, doing a slight bow.

**“Humble. Really, Lou?”**

_“Okay, maybe not so humble.”_

**“You got that right.”** I ignored his snarky comment.

 _“Your room is this way.”_ I felt a bit like a butler.

**“When they said apartment, I thought I’d end up on your couch or something. I never expected a fancy loft that probably costs more than our childhood homes combined.”**

_“Did you think an internationally famous boy bander would live in a college type apartment?”_

He just shrugged.

_“Or did you not really believe them when they said I was famous?”_

**“I mean they said you were famous, but I didn’t expect it to be like this with all the screaming girls and the cameras and the gated community. I mean, all I remember is the little boy who lived next door. It’s hard to suddenly make the mental transition from next door neighbor to ultra-rich superstar.”** I guess he had a point considering we hadn’t exactly been in contact.

_“Oh. Well here we are. Feel free to make yourself at home.”_

**“Okay. I will.”** I rolled my eyes.

_“I’m going to go shower then.”_

**“Bye.”**

~Harry’s POV~

Holy shit! This should not be called an apartment. The bottom floor is a living room connected to the kitchen. The living room was absolutely humongous with band memorabilia and a huge flat screen TV. It also has a baby grand that I’m going to have to take advantage of, since I may or may not have started dabbling in music since Louis left, though my results aren’t nearly as spectacular as his. Up the stairs was a balcony overlooking the living room/kitchen area and had two bedrooms and probably a huge master bath if the guest bath was this big.

I decided to follow Louis’ lead and took a shower. I felt gross from the overnight airplane flight in combination with not having showered in the past day and a chunk. I toweled off and threw on some boxer-briefs and a pair of basketball shorts. I would throw on actual clothes if I was expected to go anywhere, but I was too lazy to put any actual effort into my appearance at the moment. Besides, he said make myself at home, though it would be impolite to be completely naked, so this was a good compromise in my opinion.

I went to the kitchen in search of some food. It took me all of thirty seconds to realize there wasn’t much of anything substantial in here. I stared at the empty cabinet while I thought about my options before I heard a polite cough behind me. I turned around to find three boys who I assumed were Louis’ band mates. This could be fun.

 **“Um. Hello. I’m Harry.”** I turned around and offered my hand to shake.

They each shook my hand and introduced themselves.

“I’m Niall.” The guy with what I want to say was an Irish accent, introduced himself.

He had on a tank top and jeans. His hair was blond on the top with the brown visible underneath and on the sides, like he hadn’t dyed it in a while. He seemed like he’d have a happy, easygoing personality. Not someone who would instinctively flirt back.

“I’m Liam,” the next one introduced.

He had on a grey shirt with some sweat pants. I think he was supposed to be the macho responsible one. Five bucks says he was anything but innocent and had a dirty mouth when he got some alcohol in him. He seemed too loyal, though, for my purposes.

“I’m Zayn,” the last one stated.

Now here we go. He had the model cheekbones and a black quiff. He even had some tattoos on his arm. The model body though, perfect. He looked like he would flirt back. I found my target.

**“Why hello. I didn’t realize Louis had such good looking band mates.”**

“He’s just jealous.” Zayn responded right on cue.

 **“I can’t blame him. What tats have you got?”** I asked Zayn as I walked over to him.

I was curious, but at the same time it gave me an excuse to touch him and invade his personal space. I was back in a familiar place. It was nice to be in a more comfortable situation, as everything else lately has been so chaotic.

He started describing his half sleeve and I used it as an excuse to trace mindless patterns on his arm.

“Hello! Earth to Zayn. We don’t even know who this guy is.” Liam interrupted. It appears I was right about him being the responsible one.

“Calm down, Li. Creepy stalkers can’t get in here. Besides, he’s too handsome to be like the girl in the rubbish bin.” Zayn replied with a wink.

**“Girl in the trashcan? You have to tell me about that one.”**

“Well we were on tour and there was this girl who decided that she had to meet us. So, she hid out in a bin all night in order to meet us.” Zayn replied.

Zayn and Niall headed for the couch and Liam sat on a chair. I made a point to sit next to Zayn.

**“I couldn’t ever imagine that.”**

“Yeah you wouldn’t believe some of the crazy things people do.” Zayn stated.

**“True. I mean there was this one time, when Louis and I were little and he decided he was Peter Pan and that I had to be Tinker Bell. Then he poured glitter on me so I was more pixie like. Then when I shook it off onto him he said he had faith, luck, and now a little fairy dust so he could fly. He tried to fly off of our backyard play set and started falling. He only saved himself from a broken bone when he got pantsed by the monkey bars, slowing his fall. He ended up merely winded and in his boxers.”**

They all laughed.

“Oh, you’re _that_ Harry.” Niall piped in.

**“I don’t know what that means, but okay.”**

 “I don’t think he’s grown up much since then, to be honest. I believe he just turned his attention to pranks.” Liam stated.

“Yeah.” Zayn commented. “Last week, Louis and I got out of our interview early, so we decided we should go get water guns. And when Niall and Liam walked out we jumped out of the bushes and shot them and a few of the fans and paps. It was quite fun.”

We were all caught up in laughing, so we didn’t notice when said boy walked in.

_“I see, you have nothing better to talk about than me when I’m not around.”_

**“Hello, Louis.”**

The other boys sent out various greetings of their own. He went and sat in the other chair.

_“I see you’ve all met Harry, my new beard.”_

“Another one. Didn’t you just get rid of the last one?” Liam questioned.

**“The last one?”**

_“Oh. I guess you need to know about Eleanor in case anyone asks. Um, I ‘dated’ her for two years to cover up for our ‘relationship’ until ‘you were done with school’ and I was ready to come out.”_

They still looked a little confused and I couldn’t blame them.

**“When my video came out, PR contracted me to act like me and Louis never broke up when he moved here four and a half years ago.”**

“Oh.” Niall stated.

**“So I have a question?”**

“Ask away.” Liam said.

**“So what are you all doing here? And better yet, how did you get in?”**

“We all live in the same complex and we have copies of Louis’ spare key.” Liam replied.

**“I take it the unexpected visits are quite common?”**

“Yep,” Niall agreed.

**“Then I’ll make sure to try and curb my naked addiction… or maybe not.”**

_“Harry! Stop trying to get into their pants. No one’s going to fuck you.”_

**“Who said anything about me getting fucked? I’m perfectly capable of pounding someone into oblivion.”** I shot a sultry look at Zayn.

I could see Liam shifting out of the corner of my eye. He’s probably trying to decide what the socially acceptable response was. If Louis was still as cut off as he used to be, they probably didn’t know much about me. I wouldn’t be all that surprised if they only know what I’ve told them today.

“So lunch?” Niall cut the tension.

**“I’d offer to make something, but there are absolutely no groceries in this apartment. Is that because you’ve just come home, or is Louis still incapable of cooking for himself?”**

“He still can’t cook.” Niall said.

 _“Hey!”_ Louis said, indignant.

“Don’t act like it’s a lie. We all remember the morning you caught the kitchen on fire trying to make toast.” Zayn said.

I couldn’t help but start laughing. Louis started pouting.

“How about we get take-away?” Liam offered.

 **‘Take away?’** I mouthed at Louis.

 _‘Order food’_ Louis mouthed back.

**“I vote pizza.”**

“I agree,” Zayn said.

The others piped in with similar sounds of agreement. They ordered enough for the band plus probably half of their crew. They seemed to catch the look on my face.

 _“Niall has a high metabolism.”_ Louis responded to my unasked question.

I was still skeptical but I watched him annihilate the food when it came and finally understood. They weren’t exaggerating when they said he eats a lot.

Someone’s phone went off, and Liam dug in his pocket to read a text message.

“Looks like we have an interview early tomorrow morning.” Liam said.

**“Haha, sucks to be you.”**

“Oh, don’t worry. You get to come too.” Liam retorted.

**“What?”**

“I assume it’s to announce your relationship. Don’t worry. It’s a radio interview, not a television interview, so it shouldn’t be too bad.” Liam said in way of an explanation.

 _“Early morning radio…. Don’t tell me we’re with Grimshaw tomorrow.”_ Louis groaned.

“Yep.” Liam replied.

**“Who’s Grimshaw?”**

“Nick Grimshaw is the interviewer for the Radio One Breakfast show. Louis and Nick seem to have a…difference of opinion.” Liam gave what was probably a more politically correct interpretation.

_“Difference of opinion! He’s a bloody hipster Prat!”_

“Okay, they seem to have this underlying tension going on. It’s kind of fun to watch their silent war, actually.” Zayn offered

 **“Apparently I’m a hipster, does that mean I’m blacklisted too?”** I pouted at Zayn.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” Zayn teased back.

_“Hey! Over here! Do you think you’re ready for this?”_

**“Louis, it honestly doesn’t matter. It’s going to happen no matter what I say.”**

He just frowned at that. We ended up hanging out for a while and they were just talking, when I fell asleep on the couch. It could’ve been in the middle of me speaking, for all I know.

 _“Harry. Haaarry.”_ A voice floated into my dreams.

 **“Go away, Boo-bear.”** I mumbled still mainly asleep.

“Boo-bear?” I heard a snicker in the background.

_“Shut it! Now come on Harry. Time for you to go to bed.”_

**“You aren’t my mother. I wouldn’t have done half the things I’ve done with you with my mother.”**

“Okay, I believe that is our cue to leave,” Liam said.

_“Up, Harry.”_

**“Fine. Fine.”**

I rolled off the couch onto the floor with a thunk. Louis looked concerned but I just got up and dragged myself to my room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry it took so long. Schools kind of crazy since I decided to change majors. It’s also longer than normal, so I hope that makes up for it a bit. Thanks for reading and comments are appreciated.


	4. Chapter Three

~Harry’s POV~

I was once again woken up by Louis at all too early in the morning.

 **“Go the fuck awaaay!”** I whined. It was too early for this.

He ignored me and started rifling through my suitcase.

**“What are you doing?”**

_“I’m trying to find you something half decent to wear today.”_

**“I can dress myself. Now go away so I can get ready.”** I said in a huff.

_“Fine. But we’re leaving in thirty minutes.”_

**“Bye.”**

I went to the bathroom and decided to wear a pair of my tighter black skinny jeans with a black, deep V-neck. I headed downstairs and hoped there was some food at the radio station because there was nothing to eat here.

A stereotypical black SUV came to pick us up, and I wasn’t the only one still half asleep. When we got to the station, they had to go chat with someone or another and since I was only a boyfriend, I had no social obligations and was allowed to wander around.

I headed straight for the breakfast table. I needed food and coffee. Coffee was the lifeblood of most college students, like myself.

I moaned as I felt the caffeine finally kick in. This was posh coffee. It tasted soooo good.

“Well, hello to you too.” I jumped up a bit. I had been so focused on the coffee I hadn’t been paying attention to those around me.

**“Oh shit! I’m sorry. It just tastes so good.”**

“I take it you aren’t from around here.” He said it as a more definitive statement rather than a question. I answered anyway

**“No I am not.”**

“I’m Nick.”

**“I’m Harry.”**

We ended up talking and found we both liked some of the same off the beaten path bands. We got lost in conversation before someone finally came to get him.

“Just one minute!” He responded.

“Give me your phone.” He commanded and I obeyed.

“If you ever get bored give me a call.” He winked and he was off.

Louis came around the corner to fetch me and we were heading to the interview room. We were all sitting down when someone spoke up before we started.

“Hey look if it isn’t breakfast boy.”

 **“You run the show?”** I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. Louis had described him as a hipster prat and the name really should’ve given it away.

“What brings you to my show?”

 _“He’s_ my _boyfriend.”_ Louis said possessively.

I was saved from the awkwardness of a fight between the two of them when the show started.

He did his little intro thing before finally speaking to the boys. They talked for a while before finally approaching Louis’ and my relationship.

“So Louis, I saw a recent video starring a young Harry Styles and might I say, the past couple of years have treated him well.” He shot me a look and I fought hard not to laugh at Louis’ returning death glare.

 _“Well, as you might’ve already guessed, Harry and I are dating.”_ Thus marking his territory as publicly as possible.

“Now weren’t you dating a girl named Eleanor last week?”

_“Yes and no. Publicly we were dating, but behind the scenes it was to cover-up Harry’s and my relationship. Initially, I moved to England and we were trying to figure out if our long distance thing would work out before we said anything. By the time we figured it out, I was on X-factor, and the band was already gaining popularity. It didn’t seem like the right time. Then Harry was in school and I didn’t want him to get hassled and disturb his studies. It just kept getting put off until now.”_

“Do you have anything to add, Harry?”

 **“Well it’s been a long couple of years. I haven’t really been ready for this type of attention. I’m not really sure that I’m ready now, but the cat’s already out of the bag so we thought we might as well seize the opportunity, so to speak.”** I shrugged. None of it was really a lie. I never said we were still dating.

“So, if Louis was in a human pyramid, would he be the pretty one at the top or one of the supports on the base?” I think Nick just enjoys riling Louis up.

 **“Oh, he’s a topper. That’s for sure.”** I didn’t mind helping.

“Good to know. Now that was Second Star plus the new/old boyfriend! Have an absolutely smashing day!”

“And we’re off.” Someone else called.

The four boys ended up talking, probably about whatever they’re going to do today or when they’re returning to tour or whatnot. I ended up wandering over to Nick.

**“So radio host?”**

“Boy band boyfriend?”

**“Touché.”**

He leaned over to whisper in my ear.

“I know a contract when I see one. Call me if you ever want to talk or for… other things.”

 **“Thanks.”** I didn’t really know how to respond to that. Or how I was allowed to respond to that. Or who might be listening.

“See you around, Harry.”

**“See you, Nick!”**

“Oh, and it’s Grimmy, love!”

**“Grimmy it is.”**

I turned around to find the other boys staring at me.

**“What?”**

Niall and Zayn looked like they were trying not to laugh while Louis looked pissed off and Liam looked concerned.

 _“Oh nothing. I didn’t know you were such good friends with Grimshaw.”_ He sneered at that last part.

**“Well, you know how we hipsters are. We’ve got to stick together.”**

I turned and walked away to try and be sassy and so they could watch my ass as I walked… It didn’t work out since I didn’t know where I was going and I had to go back.

_“Back so soon?”_

**“I don’t know what the plan is for today… nor where I’m going.”**

_“Well we’re going to walk around London, so I can give you a tour.”_

**“Can we get some groceries while we’re out or can I go get some groceries later. Like I need food.”**

_“Make a list and someone will get them for you.”_

**“Ugh. Don’t tell me I can’t even go grocery shopping now.”**

_“Not unless you want to get mobbed.”_

**“Fine.”** I loved grocery shopping but it wasn’t worth the apparent mob that would go with it.

Someone handed me a sheet of paper and told me to make a grocery list and they would pick them up today, while Louis and I were playing the cute couple. I quickly jotted down a list of ingredients and handed it back and then he disappeared.

~Louis’ POV~

I grabbed onto Harry’s hand as I led him out the door. I saw one of our security personnel move into place behind us, as usual; always a reminder that we were never really alone.

I thought I’d start him off with the stereotypical English cuisine of fish and chips. He gave me a weird look when I handed it to him.

_“What’s wrong?”_

**“These aren’t chips.”**

_“Sure they are.”_

**“No. It’s fish and French fries.”**

_“Oh, right. Silly American names for things.”_

**“You realize you are American, right?”**

_“That’s neither here nor there, Harold.”_ That earned me an eye roll. _“Now let’s keep moving.”_

I heard him mutter under his breath about stupid British terms but I let it go. We started just meandering around and I would occasionally, get stopped by fans. They’d either want a photo with me, or, I was happily surprised, with the both of us. I was glad some of the fans were starting to accept him.

I found myself walking back to the café where Second Star was formed. I hadn’t been there in a while, but I felt like this would be something good to share with Harry. I headed in and saw Rose, the elderly owner, was working.

“Louis, you rascal, what brings you to this neck of the woods?” She greeted me with a hug.

_“I was just walking around London and thought I’d say hello.”_

Harry was helping me to remember the people I’ve cared about and neglected recently. It was a good change to be enjoying more of my past rather than cringing at the mere mention of it.

“Oh is that so? And who might this young man be?”

_“Oh, this is my boyfriend, Harry. Harry this is the owner Rose. This is where I met Liam and Zayn and Niall and where we formed our band. We used to practice in front of Rose and she would make us tea to soothe our hard working vocal chords.”_

“Now Harry, I hope you aren’t letting Louis take advantage of you. I know he avoids chores like the plague if he can get away with it.”

Harry let out a little chuckle, but it was so true. I used to con Harry into doing my chores for me when at all possible.

**“Yeah. I moved into his apartment and there was not a crumb of food in sight. Though he’s probably not home enough for his apartment to get that messy.”**

“Oh, sweetie. Don’t get disheartened. Louis will always come home to you.”

I saw Harry smile a bit and I took that as a good sign. We ended up with a random bag of baked goods for Harry and I, and the boys. As well as a threat should I choose not to share.

We walked a little bit before I spoke up.

_“I’m sorry I couldn’t take you to any of the main touristy sights. The crowd would be crazy and I just assumed you wouldn’t want to have to deal with that. You could always go another time…”_

**“It’s fine, Louis.”**

We lapsed back into silence until we found this old style music/bookstore. He quickly dove into the mounds of stuff and I decided to take a seat while he explored. It was nice to see such a genuine smile on his face. I was glad we were getting a halfway decent start to whatever this was.

~Harry’s POV~

Today was awful. I don’t mind walking around, but the lingo was weird. And Louis kept getting stopped for pictures and some of them were just so cold and would still try and throw themselves at him when he was so obviously gay and taken, at least as far as they knew. It was caddy and rather annoying.

The café was incredibly awkward. I didn’t know what to do with myself. This was a part of his life I wasn’t actually a part of and I don’t know how to feel about that, since that’s never really happened before. Not to mention the last thing I want to hear is that while I was spiraling downward into a place full of self-loathing and fucking almost any guy that crossed my path, he was here making something of himself. He was going on to do great things, yet he couldn’t even take five minutes to tell me goodbye.

It hurts. It hurts to know he was so happy without me while I was in so much pain. He drove me to the point where I had to screw guys just so I could feel in control since he and my second and last attempt at a boyfriend, Colin, took that away from me. It’s not fair that Louis’ causing me pain all over again. And just like last time, he doesn’t even seem to notice anyone’s feelings other than his own.

I felt a hell of a lot better when we ended up in the old store. This was my element: old 8-tracks, records, and a menagerie of all sorts of books. It didn’t take me long to throw myself into the seemingly unorganized piles of stuff. I didn’t mind. It was an adventure, just what I needed at this particular moment in time.

I ended up buying Ed Sheeran’s + album on vinyl plus a few older classics and a few books so I had something to read when I have to wait around for Louis, which is bound to happen eventually.

He got a phone call and then walked over to tell me the cars were coming to pick us up.

_“Apparently I have to go to the studio to go finish up some recording. They are going to bring the groceries when they drop you off, though I’m sorry it had to end so abruptly.”_

**“It’s fine, Louis.”** There wasn’t much more to say than that.

_“You’re ride’s out front. My car is behind yours and we’ll walk out together.”_

**“Let’s go then.”**

We walked out, hand in hand like the old days. He pressed a quick peck to my lips before wishing me a good day and heading off to his own car. I fought not to roll my eyes. At least I was going to get some time alone to unpack.

I got back to the apartment and it wasn’t long until I heard a knock at the door. It was a couple guys with the groceries. At least I would have something to cook with. That was the one thing I missed at school: being able to cook without hassle. At school, I had to either check out cookware or go home and face my mother.

I thanked them for the food and started unloading it once they left.

 I headed to my room and started unloading my stuff.

I paused when I got to the pictures. The few pictures I had taken with me to school were from when we were younger. I had a family picture of me and my Mom and Louis and his Mom. This was back after both of our dad’s had left and Louis’ mom hadn’t re-married so no baby sisters yet.

I had a few pictures of just Louis and I, silly ones of when we were kids and a few romantic ones from our teens. I held my breath when I got to the pictures from a photo booth. We were crazy in love in these ones. It started off with funny faces and laughs. It ended with kisses and longing gazes. Now I can’t stand photo booths, which is such a shame.

I was startled from my reverie by a sound from downstairs. I jumped and quickly buried the photos in the back of my sock drawer, cliché I know, but that’s where’d they’d been all through college; waiting for me to pull them out whenever I got too drunk.

I walked brusquely down the steps and hoped I didn’t look frazzled. Then I relaxed. It was just my phone, which I had accidently left on the counter. It was a text from Zayn giving me shit for sneakily putting my number in his phone yesterday when he wasn’t looking. I kindly pointed out to him that I wasn’t as creepy as he was insinuating since he was using said number to text me.

We texted for a bit while he was on break, but it ended when they had to go back to recording. I was going to go back upstairs, but I got distracted and decided to feel out the piano. The sound was beautiful. I’ve only ever played halfway decent keyboards. I got lost in the music and found myself playing _Give Me Love_ by Ed Sheeran.

It felt good to play. I’ve always done it when I’m stressed or just need an outlet. I started playing my first year of college. I’ve always liked singing, but I had finally decided to add an instrument to my repertoire. It helped me get over Louis, and cope with the loneliness he left behind allowing me to put myself back together again. It was a truly beautiful instrument.

I finished the song and my phone went off again.

**“Hello?”**

“Hello, teeny-bopper boyfriend.” That must be Grimmy; he’s the only one I know who would openly mock this situation.

Zayn was the only other person who might call me, but mocking didn’t seem to be his forte. Okay, I received a little mocking earlier for slipping him my number, but that wasn’t on the same level of teasing, as Grimmy seemed inclined towards.

**“To what do I owe the pleasure, Grimmy?”**

“I just saw some of the pap and fan photos of your date. Might I say you looked mighty handsome?”

**“Thanks. Now why are you really calling?”**

“Oh, no reason. I was just admiring the sheer awkwardness radiating and thought I would offer to take you on a more entertaining tour of London sometime.”

**“Well, it would have to be Saturday at the earliest. Louis leaves Friday and I assume they aren’t going to want me to turn around and hang out with another man as soon as he’s left.”**

“Ah the restrictions of being a beard.”

**“No shit.”**

“So, Saturday?”

 **“Why not?”** I shrugged, not that he could see me.

“I will pick you up at 7:30.” I repressed a groan. Did nobody believe in sleeping in anymore?

**“Okay. See you then.”**

There was a click and he was gone.

There wasn’t much else to do so I decided to cook something. I wasn’t hungry yet but I felt like making something from scratch. I ended up making some homemade ravioli. I ate what I wanted and boxed up the rest. I stuck a note on it in case Louis was hungry when he got home.

Louis,  
I made ravioli and there’s a plate in the fridge if you want it. To reheat stick in the microwave for three minutes.  
~Harry

Satisfied that he wouldn’t burn the apartment down if he decided to eat it, I headed back to my room. I took a shower and got hit by a wave of exhaustion. I didn’t even manage to get dressed; I just threw myself onto the bed and passed out.

~Louis’ POV~

We got done with recording at about seven. I headed straight home afterwards. I begged off from hanging out with the boys. I still had a bit of jet lag, though probably not as bad as Harry.

I smiled in excitement at the note on the fridge. It had been forever since I had gotten homemade food, let-alone Harry-made food. His food was the best, not that my mom ever needed to know that little tidbit of information. I would’ve rolled my eyes at the directions at the bottom, but I needed them, so I couldn’t complain too much about my bruised ego.

I pretty much moaned at the taste of the food. I haven’t had actually decent food in the longest time. I have missed hearty home cooked meals. Fast food and wherever I had to take Eleanor had nothing on this food.

I checked my laptop and scrolled through various websites. I wanted to see how people were taking me and Harry coming out. There was a mixture of good and bad as expected. I just hoped things didn’t go so badly that I had to leave the band so they could continue on. It was still one of my biggest fears to lose the band, after losing Harry, of course.

I sat down and had a cup of tea. It was an addiction I had picked up after I moved here. It helped calm me down and I headed up to bed.

I woke up to my phone ringing.

 _“’lo?”_ I answered groggily.

“Louis, get up! We have to leave in twenty minutes.” Liam pitched in.

_“Why?”_

“We have to go set up for the concert extra early, so you can have some time with Harry before we preform.”

_“Be with who? Because I could’ve sworn you just said Harry.”_

“I did say Harry. Remember, he lives with you now. You went and got him from Chicago and now he’s pretending to have been your boyfriend despite you moving to London.” He said gently.

That’s right. I have a perfectly off-limits ex-boyfriend living in my flat. Lovely.

_“How come you know more about my schedule than I do?”_

“Because I actually listen when people tell me things.”

_“True. Why do we have to set up today?”_

“Because the concert at the O2 is tonight. Did you forget?”

 _“Oh.”_ I paused to think.

“Louis, you need to get out of bed. This is your fifteen-minute warning. I’ll send Niall after you if you aren’t ready by then.”

_“Fine. I’m up.”_

“Fifteen minutes.”

I hung up.

I rolled out of bed and onto the floor. I dragged myself to the bathroom and got dressed. I didn’t put too much effort figuring it wouldn’t matter since they were going to make me change later.

All too soon there was a banging on the door and I rushed to open it before the sound could wake Harry up.

_“I’m ready. Calm down.”_

Liam looked shocked on the other side of the door. But he quickly regained his composure and we headed down to the car. Zayn, also, looked startled that I was here and that Liam wasn’t currently trying to find a way into my room so he could physically drag me out if necessary. It has happened before.

“Wow, mate. If having Harry here actually keeps you on time, I say we keep him.” Zayn said.

I didn’t dignify that with a response.

We worked hard at the concert hall until we started getting hungry and a lot less motivated. Someone eventually brought us food and we all cheered. I noticed Zayn was sitting on his phone, which wasn’t unusual until he started laughing. I gave him a questioning look, but he just said it was nothing and I shrugged it off.

I checked my own phone and found it was sadly empty, with no contact from anyone I wanted to hear from. It was weird to actual have a reason to check my phone now. This is the first time since I’ve been in this band that I’ve really had someone to really look forward to outside of it.

We got back to work and a few hours later I was being ushered off to wardrobe. I was confused because we normally didn’t have to get dressed so early for a concert. Then they asked me if I wanted to look good for Harry and I quickly shut up and headed to wardrobe.

I headed out to where the boys were and got a few wolf whistles. It was ridiculous since I was just in a pair of skinny jeans and a T-shirt. Though these skinny jeans may have been one of the tightest pairs I own.

They didn’t get to give me shit for too long because a woman came to tell me Harry’s car was about to arrive and I got the underlying hint that I should appear to be eagerly awaiting his arrival. I took it one step further and opened his car door for him when he arrived.

~Harry’s POV~

-A little bit earlier in the day-

I didn’t have much to do around the apartment since I was too lazy to start anything since I was going to be picked up at one for the arena, which meant I had to eat at about 11 so I had time to get ready. When I went to go and try to get dressed, I just stared at my closet in pain. What the fuck was I supposed to wear to this kind of thing? I know it’s not formal, but I don’t know how casual it is or if it’s supposed to be a bit nicer because I’m a boyfriend to the band.

There was only one option left: I had to text Zayn.

**H: Help me; I’m having a fashion crisis!! *_***

Z: Oh, is that so? Now why should I help you?

**H: Because then you can see me in whatever outfit you dreamed I was wearing last night. ;)**

Z: Hm, true. What exactly do you need help with?

**H: Everything!!!!! WTF is a Second Star boyfriend expected to wear to his big fancy boyfriend’s concert at the fucking O2?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?**

Z: Calm down. It’s just a concert.

**H: It’s my first large concert performed by my ex-boyfriend, while I’m pretending to be his boyfriend! Don’t tell me to calm down!!**

Z: I take it this is about more than the clothes.

**H: Maybe… I just want to look hot…**

Z: Okay. Send me a pic of your closet and we’ll go from there.

I sent him a pic and he helped me throw some outfits together as we sent pictures back and forth. I ended up throwing some funny ones in there for the hell of it, because it made me feel a bit better. He told me to wear one of my flannel shirts, with the arms rolled up and it unbuttoned three quarters of the way, so it was pretty much all chest, some abs and then a splash of shirt, as well as a pair of skinny jeans and my black boots.

Zayn was right, I did look hot in it and it gave me some of that last bit of confidence to walk out the door. Louis opened my car door when I got there, and I could tell he was working actively to not drool. Maybe I should just let Zayn style me for eternity if these are the results.

It was my turn to look dumbfounded when we walked past the hoards of fans already waiting to get in and see Second Star preform. Louis stopped by a few fans to give autographs and took a few photos. I was surprised when I found some of the cell phone cameras pointed at me as well. I smiled my best and just followed along, following Louis wherever he wanted to go.

It was no less calm inside the building where everyone was still trying to get all the last minute preparations finished. I couldn’t help but gape at the size of the stage and look at where they were setting up trap doors. They looked like a lot of fun but we were past the stage before I could ask about trying one out.

We headed to one of the rooms backstage where the other three boys were just hanging out. Niall was fiddling with his guitar and I wondered if boy bands ever got to use instruments on stage.

“Hey, Harry!” Zayn was the first to notice my entrance.

He gave me a look up and down. Then put on a cocky, I told you so look, when he saw me looking at him. I rolled my eyes.

**“Greetings to you too, Zayn.”**

I got greetings from the other two as well.

I started off on conversation with Niall about guitars and we talked while the others headed to wardrobe and hair. Then Niall had to head out and I was just left to awkwardly twiddle my thumbs, so to speak.

Someone eventually came for me and led me to the wings. I just stared at the sheer number of people in the audience. Then their grand introduction was starting and everyone was screaming. It was deafening, and the lights were almost blinding as they rose out from their trap doors.

They seemed to have this whole new energy about them as they performed. They were practically glowing under the lights of the stage. Then they did these silly twitter asks. I heard them read off one asking for a Larry kiss. Then all the boys looked off stage towards me. Louis was saying maybe if they cheered loud enough I’d come on stage.

And they were screaming and I couldn’t say no. I got wrapped up in the energy and I found myself walking across the stage to stand with Louis. I never dreamed anything like this could happen when I used to listen to Louis sing to me. Who knew that one day I’d be standing on stage at an arena that Louis had sold out, and I got to be a part of that as his boyfriend? It was insane.

He grabbed me and kissed me. I could feel the completely awkward and questioning feelings behind it, though we easily fell into the old habit of how everything fit together. Well almost everything, I was still taller than Louis now, the angle helping prevent me from falling back into old habits.

We broke apart and there was loud cheering and I could feel myself blushing like mad and looking down at my pigeon toes. I got my hair ruffled and then I was squawking indignantly and Louis and the other boys were escorting me off the stage since they had a costume change.

The rest of the concert was the same adrenaline high and then they were walking off stage and I may or may not have been cheering with the rest of the crowd.

**“That was Fantastic! I don’t know how you do it, but you killed it!”**

“Thanks man,” Niall said.

I got some high fives as they went to get their stuff together so we could leave. We headed out to the flash of cameras and mass of fans. They tried to acknowledge as many as they could before we were ushered into a van. We grabbed fast food on the way home because they were ‘bloody starving.’ I don’t know what bloody had to do with their appetite though.

By the time we got to the apartment complex, the adrenaline had faded and everyone’s eyes were getting droopy with sleep. I think we all went to bed after a quick shower, because those lights really do act like suns. I didn’t even perform and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I woke up to the sound off crashing and cursing. I had no idea what was going on until I heard Liam yelling from downstairs.

“Damn it, Louis! You were supposed to be packed and up by now!”

I heard a screech which must’ve been them getting him out of bed. I heard what must’ve been furious packing and hurried footsteps across his bedroom floor. There was more cursing as what must’ve been a team effort to get him packed in twenty minutes.

Then there was the sound of them running out the door and Zayn saying he forgot something in Louis’ room. I heard his footsteps down the hall and then he peaked his head into my room.

“Bye, Harry. I hoped you aren’t too bored while we’re gone and feel free to text me whenever. Take care of yourself, alright?”

**“I’ll try. How’d you know I was awake?”**

“I didn’t. Thought I’d say goodbye anyway.”

**“Oh, well I hope you have a safe trip.”**

“Thanks.”

With that he was out the door as well, and it was all blissful silence. I went back to sleep not long after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks once again for reading and I’m still sorry about the time delays, but school. I hope you guys have a fantastic weekend and continue to enjoy.


	5. Chapter Four

~Harry’s POV~

I woke up at around ten, and headed downstairs to make breakfast. I guess Louis was still in the habit of procrastinating until the last possible second, or at least that’s what the state of his room told me. He had left the door to his room wide open and his closet was mostly empty and whatever clothes didn’t make it into the suitcases were strewn about around the floor, whether it’s from rushed packing or because he lives in a perpetual state of ‘where the fuck is my floor?’ I don’t know.

Cleaning his floor is, also, no longer in my job description, as I’m no longer “doing his chores pretty please, because he’s so bad at it and this way we can play sooner”. With a shake of my head, I walked downstairs to the kitchen. I decided to make some brunch and managed to kill a couple of hours by the time everything was cooked, eaten, the leftovers put away and the dishes cleaned.

I decided it was late enough for it to be a decent time back home, so I called my mother. I didn’t have anything better to do and I figured it was my obligation as a good son to let her know I was safe and sound in London, relatively speaking of course. We spoke for a while about nothing in particular. I listened to her attempts to catch me up on what I was missing back home and tried not to let my disinterest show in my voice.

I killed the rest of my day with movies until it was finally late enough for me to try to sleep. It was weird for it to be so silent. The dorm normally has some form of life audible at all times, and I had mom at home. It felt so empty in the apartment and it was slightly disturbing. On top of that, I had to be up early tomorrow to meet up with Grimmy, another perfect excuse to go to bed early. I couldn’t wait to get out of the deathly silence of the apartment and away from most things Louis related.

My alarm woke me up at too early in the morning. I couldn’t wait for the day my body decided to finally adjust to the time difference. I rolled out of bed and threw on a sweater and skinny jeans. I grabbed some coffee and then Grimmy was texting me that he was here.

I headed out the door and found Grimmy waiting in his car and I hopped in.

“Morning, Harry.”

**“Good Morning Grimmy. So where are we heading?”**

“Now dear, Harold, where’s the fun if I spoil the surprise?”

**“Touché..”**

We sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke up again.

“So, Louis? Of all the people how did you end up with him?”

 **“We were neighbors. Grew up together and the like. Then his Mom got a job in London and that was that.”** That was putting it mildly.

“I see… Anything else you’d like to share?”

 **“Not particularly.”** Louis was the last thing I wanted to talk about. I wanted to use today to forget him, not take a stroll down memory lane.

“I see… Then let’s rid our minds of Tomlinson and return to grander thoughts.”

**“Of what?”**

“Oh, you know something more attractive, like me.”

I just rolled my eyes and let him take me where he will. It’s not like I had anything better to do. We headed to all the big tourist sights, Big Ben, the Tower of London, etc. It was nice. No harassing paps, no fans, no pesky thoughts about Louis, just Grimmy and I. I felt like I finally didn’t have to look over my shoulder every five minutes and make sure to keep up an overused façade. It was nice. I don’t remember the last time I played tourist and got to just enjoy the sites around me.

We were out until about 9:30 and then we headed back to Louis’ apartment. I still couldn’t think of it as my apartment too; it felt too temporary and unstable.

**“Well I guess this is goodnight.”**

“But we haven’t had any real fun yet. The night’s still young, Dearie. You just need a wardrobe change so we can go out on the town.”

**“What’s wrong with my clothes?”**

“Nothing… If you’re wandering around London all day. Not so great if your going clubbing. You want to look hot, not like you just threw something on so you can head off to class.”

Grimmy followed me up into the apartment and managed to find the tightest pair of skinny jeans I owned as well as an obscenely low cut top. He showed me around to all the local clubs, less poppy and more indie. I had to remind myself not to fall back into the habit of flirting with everyone I found even remotely cute. That didn’t stop me from hitting the bar, though.

I got spectacularly drunk. I had no reason not to. No homework to finish, no classes tomorrow, no internships to worry about. Sweet drunken bliss. No more pesky thoughts about my personal life, just thinking of fun with Grimmy.

**“London, has to be the most ridiculous place on earth. I mean the language and the confusing streets. Bloody London! Who came up with bloody as an adjective meaning something other than bloody? And tea and biscuits! Why would you want breakfast foods with tea in the middle of the afternoon?”**

“Biscuits are what I believe Americans call cookies.” He seemed suspiciously more sober than I was but I couldn’t be bothered to care. I had more important questions on my inebriated mind.

**“That explains so much! But it’s so confusing. American biscuits are like these round bread things, usually buttery or flaky deliciousness.”**

“Fascinating, Harold, please do go on.”

**“Did you know French Fries may not actually have originated in France? There has been a long term debate between France and Belgium over who created the popular dish. Though it doesn’t really matter in England because apparently they’re chips and chips are crisps.”**

“Interesting. Why do you know this?”

**“Did some poly-sci classes. It was interesting in terms of bigger international relations issues.”**

“While I enjoy these immense language and history lessons, I think it’s about time we head out, before you make a bigger fool of yourself.”

**“Is it because I was complaining about your home country? Because you do have one thing going for you…”**

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but what does my country have going for it?”

 **“Really sexy accents.”** He just rolled his eyes and laughed.

“I think you’ve had enough for one night. Let’s get you home.”

I got up and the world started spinning.

**“Woo! It’s like a rollercoaster!”**

“Come here.”

I toppled over to Grimmy and he wrapped an arm around me in an attempt to steady me.

“On second thought, maybe you should come back with me.”

I just giggled into his shoulder and the next thing I knew it was morning.

I woke up to a Nick watching me from a chair. I guess that meant I wasn’t at Louis’ place. This didn’t feel like Louis’ couch and I highly doubt Grimmy would deign to spend time in my ex/fake boyfriend’s loft.

“I see Sleeping Beauty is awake.”

I just groaned. I had a killer headache. How much did I drink last night?

“Here.”

 He handed me some pills, juice and breakfast. I sat up and realized I sat up way too fast and fell back down. It took me another attempt before I could sit up properly and situate myself so I could take what he offered.

**“What time is it?”**

“About noon. We got here at about 2 or 3.”

 **“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to impose. If you could give me a cab number or something I’ll just get out of your hair.”** I felt guilty for imposing; especially since I’ve only met him twice.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

**“Ugh. Why are hangovers so awful?”**

“Because that is the way of the world.”

 **“Still, I should probably head out.”** It was easier to offer than watch someone fumble with trying to phrase ‘time for you to go’ without being as blunt.

“So ready to be rid of me?”

**“No. I just have some stuff to get done.”**

“Like what?”

**“Find some clean clothes and a shower and do some laundry.”**

“Don’t let me stand between a man and his hot water. Let me go get dressed and I’ll give you a ride.”

**“You don’t have to. I’m sure I can find a cab.”**

“Honestly, on the off chance there’s a pap waiting around it would look better if you aren’t taking a cab. Cab screams one-night-stand, while a ride shouts friends.”

**“I guess I have a lot to learn…”**

“That you do.”

He walked off and I made an attempt at stretching out my protesting muscles. I really needed a shower to wash off that booze stench. I felt absolutely disgusting. It’s like something fuzzy curled up and decided to take a nap in my mouth.

I was back in Louis’ apartment about 45 minutes later. It took me about another hour to finally feel clean. Then I was going to take a nap, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get comfortable so I ended up doing the laundry I had used as an excuse to leave. I spent the time between cycles staring at the ceiling, since I couldn’t quite sleep. I was oddly fidgety, and just couldn’t settle anywhere. Nowhere felt cozy enough and no matter how many times I shifted I couldn’t find a comfortable spot. I was so stir crazy I think I managed to clean the whole apartment, minus Louis’ mess of a room.

By the time I had made the sterile apartment sparkle, it was about eleven which seemed a reasonable enough time to go to bed. I woke up feeling better without the hangover, but I still had nothing to do. Then I remembered Louis should have landed in Australia by now, well by now yesterday, but that’s neither here nor there. I searched the Internet for the band; I figured it was easier and cheaper than trying to text Zayn or Louis. I ended up finding a bunch of pap shots from when they landed and from today, or later today, since, apparently, Australia is about eleven hours ahead of London. Tumblr taught me that.

I ended up on the band tag. For some reason Larry Stylinson kept popping up. I looked into it and it turned out to be a mash up of Louis’ and my names and people ship us for some reason or another. There were some who thought we were bullshit. Others had all these conspiracies about looking in the past and putting together clues about certain things Louis did, like when he’d disappear and what he must’ve been doing with me during those time periods. They were weaving all these beautiful stories about our relationship and they were so cute.

But they were all lies and I really wanted them to be true. But it wasn’t. They were all these photos, with people analyzing how we gazed longingly into each other’s eyes. There were comments about how perfect we seem for each other and how great we were for being able to stay together for so long. They even found some older photos of us together. It was all utter bull shit! I was mad they could dig up all this stuff that had been so carefully hidden for so long.

I was just pissed… I was angry because I might actually want these theories to be true. I couldn’t let myself want that though. It was time to stop staring jealously at my computer screen. I decided to go to Grimmy’s because I needed a distraction, a.k.a. alcohol, and I shouldn’t be drinking alone.

I called a cab and showed up at Grimmy’s thirty minutes later. It was only about seven, but oh well, we could pre-game. I buzzed up to his apartment and he let me in.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?”

 **“I was thinking maybe we could go out to a bar, get some drinks, have some fun.”** I tried to sound as cheery as possible.

“You do realize I host a _morning_ show, right?”

 **“Oh, shit. Right-um-I’m sorry I’ll just leave now.”** I felt so bad and selfish that I hadn’t remembered that in my haste to feel better.

“You don’t have to go. Just because I can’t go out and party, doesn’t mean you can’t come in for a few drinks.”

 **“What’s in it for you?”** I narrowed my gaze. No one ever wanted to just watch someone else get drunk without something in it for him.

“Let’s just say I’m intrigued.”

I could deal with curiosity. I followed him into the apartment and he pulled out the liquor. Luckily, or maybe not so luckily, he let the alcohol start to take effect before he started talking to me.

“So may I ask what brought on your sudden need for alcohol?”

**“Tumblr. Fucking Tumblr.”**

“Okay… Anything more specific?”

**“I was checking to make sure the boys had landed safely in Australia.”**

“And that made you seek alcohol why?”

**“Because. I am jealous of ‘our perfect love story.’ Except we don’t have a love story anymore. Hell, we aren’t even dating!”**

“Want to talk about it?” He asked attempting to hide how much he wanted to know.

 **“About what?”** I was trying to avoid the question.

“What happened.”

**“No. No Louis. Louis is not a topic I’m going to talk about.”**

There was a pause for a bit.

“He really screwed you over didn’t he?”

**“What do you mean?”**

“I mean there has to be a reason you were single, capable of packing up and moving here for the summer on such short notice. No one questioned you’re relationship. No one stepped forward to state it was all a lie and they had dated you or are dating you. You obviously don’t have much of any friends or you would be talking to them not me. And there’s obviously some tension between the two of you so that means a history behind the two of you. So spill.”

**“I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I’m not going to tell you what happened with us. Though I will say it wasn’t all him.”**

“Oh? So Louis wasn’t the only one to screw you over?”

**“No. No he wasn’t.”**

“What was his name? Assuming it was a him.”

**“It was another guy: Colin. Colin was his name.”**

“Was he an ex?”

I let out a dry laugh. **“”If he could even be considered that.”**

“Do tell.”

**“Colin was my boy- he was my fuck buddy, for lack of a better term. Unless they’ve suddenly invented a term for ‘I thought we were dating, but he just wanted me for sex.’”**

“Scumbag or Arsehole should suffice.”

 **“Anyway. I was trying to get over Louis, start again. I hit the nightlife looking for someone, figuring I was less likely to get stuck with someone in the closet. I met him at a party the summer after Louis moved to London, also known as about when he made it through the auditions at X-Factor. We had sex at a party and kept doing it periodically after that. I deluded myself into thinking we were dating.”** I let out a bitter laugh.

 **“I always waited by my phone so I would never miss a message. I hung off his every word like an eager puppy delighting in pleasing his master. I waited for his every beck and call. I thought we had something outside of sex, so I went over to his place one day to surprise him. I was so stupid. I found him fucking some random woman on his couch.”** I took another swig of whatever I had been drinking.

**“And there I was, ready to forgive him. He must’ve been having some doubt, or insecurity about his sexuality. He wasn’t out so it was understandable… Boy was I wrong. When he finally deigned to notice me, he welcomed me to the party and asked if I wanted to join in. Then I asked him why he was cheating on me and he said I wasn’t a good enough fuck for him to not be sleeping around. Apparently I was only good for convenience or when he was too lazy to try and search for somebody better. It wasn’t a gay thing, a hole was a hole regardless of gender.”**

“That’s… wow…” I think Grimmy finally ran out of words, truly amazing considering he was a radio host

**“Then I turned into a complete slag for the next year, year and a half, topping any guy who would cross my path. Even a few girls at the beginning, just to make sure I was gay.”**

“And here I thought you were a bottom.”

**“Oh, I was. An overly trusting fool of a bottom. But a bottom nonetheless.”**

~Louis’ POV~

We landed Saturday night at about 10:30 pm Australia time, which was about eleven hours ahead of London. We got Sunday off to get over jet lag and did our first concert Monday night. All was as usual, until my phone woke me up Tuesday morning.

_“Hello?”_

“Good Morning Boo-Bear.” I hate when she calls me that.

 _“Mom? Is something wrong?”_ I instantly woke up.

“No nothing’s wrong, Dear.”

_“Then what’s up?”_

“Can’t a mother just call her son to check in on him?”

_“Yes, but I can tell this isn’t one of those calls.”_

“I just wanted to check on my baby and see what was going on.”

 _“With Harry, you mean?”_ I had known this was coming sooner or later. I had been hoping for later.

“Yes.”

_“Well, he’s in London and staying in my apartment.”_

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

_“Because it just happened! Someone leaked my goodbye video from Harry and within a week his contract was signed and he started bearding for me.”_

“Like Eleanor?”

_“Kind of except not.”_

“Because you only had platonic feelings for Eleanor.”

_“I guess…”_

“What are you hoping to get out of this, honey? I know you wouldn’t have said yes to this without some reason other than to save your image.”

_“I just… The thing is-“_

“You still like him. Excuse me, _like-like_ him.”

_“Mom!”_

“What? Tell me I’m wrong. I know you.”

_“Well, I –I want to try and fix us. I miss him and it’s been weird not having had him around. I want to have someone to share my life with. And that person has always been him, even though I know it’s stupid to say that because we were so young when we got together, but I don’t care. It’s always going to be Harry. I want him back.”_

“I see… That might take a bit of work. You also run the risk of him never coming back to you. You really hurt him when you left.”

_“I know. But I believe he’s worth every effort it takes to win him back…”_

~Harry’s POV~

-Wednesday-

I was lounging around the apartment, finally over my hangover from the insane amount of alcohol that came along with rehashing the Colin ordeal, when I heard a key turning in the door. I thought it might’ve been one of the security guards or something because no one else would’ve had a reason to be here since Louis’ on tour. Or would’ve had a key, for that matter.

The door opened and felt my eyes grow as wide as saucers.

 **“Jay!”** I let out a surprised greeting.

“Harry!”

**“What are you doing here? You do know Louis’ on tour, right?”**

“I know, Honey. I came to see you.”

**“Oh.”**

Jay had been like a second mother to me before they moved. I think she knew more about me than my Mom did, at least when it came to Louis and me.

“Now come over here and give me a hug.”

I jumped up and did just that.

“I missed you,” she said as she held on to me.

Once she let go, we moved to sit down on the couch.

“So what have you been up to?”

**“I went to U Chicago and got my degree in psych and international affairs. I’m starting grad school in the fall for a mediation law program.”**

“I’m glad you still got to go to your dream school despite everything else.” I knew she was referring to Louis’ and my plans to go there.

**“Yeah.”**

“Is there anybody else in your life? Anyone special?”

**“No. It’s just me and Mom.”**

“So how are things really going?” There’s the reason she was really here.

**“What do you mean?”**

“How are you holding up?”

I just shrugged.

“I know you, Darling. I know Louis’ sudden re-entering your life can’t have been easy, especially the way he left things.”

**“I mean… Losing him was hard. But having him come back and act like nothing happened is almost harder.”**

“What do you mean?”

 **“It’s hard watching him. He hasn’t changed, it’s almost like he’s been frozen in time since before he left. But I’m not. I’ve changed so much, probably not for the better and I just don’t know what to do.”** I curled my knees up to my chest.

**“I don’t feel like I don’t fit in his world anymore, which is so weird since we use to revolve around each other. And he keeps looking at me with all this hope in his eyes and I just don’t know how to respond. It would be so easy to fall back into us, but I feel like he’s moved on with his life and I’m still stuck revolving around this empty space where he used to be. It’s so frustrating because I thought I had moved on and I thought I was okay, but I’m not.”**

It was nice not to have to explain anything, or have someone doubt what we used to have. Jay just knew. She’s always known. I missed not having her to talk to.

“You know, he hasn’t been the same since you’ve left. I don’t think you’re alone; he hasn’t been wholeheartedly happy since you two split. And the way he broke away from you was wrong and I know he regrets it. I know it’s hard to forgive, but it wasn’t easy for him either. He thought it would be better for the both of you to be apart, you know how he is. He may be a bit misguided, but his intentions were good.”

I sighed. I had been avoiding these feelings for so long, it was hard to confront them now.

“I just have one more question.”

**“What?”**

“Why did you really accept the contract?”

**“I figured I might as well. The pay was good and I was stuck with media attention no matter what, so I signed the contract.”**

“Harry, the truth please.”

**“I guess I just don’t have anything left to lose.”**

Jay pulled me into her arms and started rubbing my back and making soothing noises. It felt nice to finally have someone who didn’t dismiss our relationship as nothing. She told me about how the girls were doing. Her job was going really well for her. I was happy for her. I made her some lunch and then she had to leave.

It didn’t take me long to find Louis’ stash of alcohol. I was in pain. I wanted Louis back so bad, but I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t risk him breaking me again. I didn’t want to think about how bad I wanted him back and remember all those times we kissed or the moments we shared ranging from childhood innocence through teenage indecency.

So I found the alcohol. I drank until I was drunk, with how much I wanted him. He hurt me so bad and I still want him as badly as I always have. I somehow managed to drag my laptop into his room and ended up finding one of my really old sweaters on his floor. I hadn’t seen it in years. The fact that he kept it all this time made me even more frustrated since he cared enough to keep the sweater, but not enough to keep in touch when he left.

I stole one of his hoodies. It still smelled like him, like he always has, something I had come to associate with home. I hate him so much for screwing me over. I hate him, because I still miss him.

I ended up falling asleep in his bed, watching his video to me. I was so naïve when I got this video and didn’t realize he was subtly saying goodbye.

_“I can’t believe I’m moving to London. I’m going to miss you more than you even know. I mean the dimples, and the curls and your eyes are adorably endearing even at the worst of times. You have a fantastic sense of humor and terrible puns that are so cute. You always laugh and have that spark of mirth in your eyes. I love you, Harry. I will always love you, don’t you ever forget.”_


	6. Chapter Five

Apparently I had a Louis addiction setback last night, I observed as I found myself in the middle of Louis bed, in boxers and his sweater, while his cover of I’ll Look After You played on repeat. At least I had finally come to terms with still wanting him. I just wished it hadn’t taken Jay coming over and a bottle of rum.

I decided to send off a text to Zayn, to check on him and Louis, though I couldn’t find it in me to text him directly.

**H: What’s the weirdest food you’ve eaten in Australia?**

Z: One of the places we went to had kangaroo on the menu

**H: Anyone brave enough to try it?**

Z: Niall tried it just to say he did.

He seemed like the type that would do something like that.

**H: How’re the concerts going?**

Z: The usual. No rest for the wicked.

**H: Do you even get to go out and party?**

Z: Not really. Too much work b/c paps and fans.

**H: Does this mean I party harder than popstars?**

Z: Have you been out partying in London?

**H: Me and Grimmy went out one night.**

He didn’t text back right away so  I decided to go make some coffee.

Z: Just don’t let Louis know.

**H: Why?**

Z: Let’s just say he’s a little territorial when it comes to you.

**H: I could use that to my advantage.**

Z: This could be fun to plot against him for once, instead of with him.

**H: Still the prank king?**

Z: Of course. Security watches him like a hawk.

**H: You his partner in crime?**

Z: Better to help than get pranked.

**H: True. Or you could be like me and give it all away by laughing before our mom’s were pranked.**

Z: He’d never forgive me if I did that.

**H: He always had something in mind as a way to apologize… They got less and less child friendly as we got older.**

Z: So what I’m getting is, give him a bj if I ever manage to piss him off?

**H: …**

Z: I’m joking. No way would I ever do Louis. He has too many checks in the con column.

**H: Well you don’t know what you’re missing.**

Z: Spare me the dirty details please. Please.

**H: You could find out in person.**

Z: I would rather keep my balls, thank you very much.

**H: What do you mean?**

Z: Louis would make me a soprano should I get too close to you.

Z: Speaking of the devil, he just walked in. I have to go.

**H: Text me when you get a chance.**

The rest of the day passed in relative boredom. I didn’t hear back from Zayn which means he was either around Louis or too busy, which was fine. I went online to see if any of my professors had posted textbooks yet. I found a few e-mails when I logged onto my school account. I had an e-mail from my post-grad advisor. It was the normal I look forward to working with you e-mail. He seemed nice enough, but I wasn’t going to meet him in person until the fall.

Oh shit… I just realized I was probably going to be an AI (associate instructor) for some intro class with a high probability of having some people who read gossip rags. One more way Louis’ going to screw my life over. Fabulous!

The next day was spent doing not much of anything… Maybe way too much Netflix, to the point where I ended up watching Sharknado. Stupid movie. It’s supposed to be a horror but it’s so bad you can’t help but sit and wonder at how ridiculous it all is.

I woke up the next morning and had the realization that I needed to pack, but I didn’t know what to pack or what we were doing. I hoped Zayn wasn’t too busy to help.

**H: Clothes! Need help! Ahhhh!**

Z: Well they go in the suitcase, and if you’re really good you can advance to folding first.

**H: Not helpful! What do I need to be prepared for?????**

Z: Well you probably won’t leave the hotel much. They have a pool and a gym if that helps. You’ll go to a few concerts. We go out clubbing at the end of Australia.

**H: Thanks.**

Z: What have you been up to?

**H: Way too much Netflix and boredom. Now packing.**

Z: Is this what college summer breaks are like?

**H: Depends. Normally I always do internships. But I graduated and I’m going to start grad in the fall. Last real summer break. Except not really.**

Z: Understandable. Rehearsals about to start. See you in a few days.

**H: Break a leg!**

I got my bag mostly packed and did some laundry. I thought about texting Louis to see if he needed anything he forgot, but then I thought better of it. I decided to finally go back into Louis’ room and try to erase any indication that I had been there.

I got up the next morning and started making sure everything was packed including my carry on. I went through my habit of dorm living and making sure everything was turned off. And was going to start unplugging things when I remembered I didn’t have to. I got a text from Zayn this time.

Z: Mayday! Mayday! Louis found the pictures.

**H: What pictures?**

Z: of you and Grimshaw.

**H: So?**

Z: Do you not realize how deep of shit you’re in?

**H: What’s he going to do to me from here? Besides I can hang out with whomever I please.**

Z: I don’t think Louis knows that.

**H: Well he can still learn. He gave up his right to dictate who I spend time with years ago.**

Z: Well you can tell him that yourself. I am avoiding his wrath like the plague.

**H: Is he really that bad?**

Z: I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this pissed off.

**H: Um… Sorry?**

**H: I mean I’m not sorry I did it but sorry you’re stuck with the fall out.**

**H: should I text him?**

Z: I honestly don’t know if it will help. He’s already yelling at you, you’d just be able to hear it.

**H: Ok.**

Z: Niall just walked in. Louis found a new target.

**H: Poor Niall.**

Z: Now Liam’s trying to calm Louis down.

**H: How?**

Z: The they’re just friends talk down.

**H: Any chance he’ll be calm by the time I’m there?**

Z: Not an icicle’s chance in hell.

**H: I see he hasn’t grown out of his insufferable childish fits.**

I waited a few minutes with no response before I finally got an incoming call from Zayn.

**“Hello?”**

_“I am not insufferable or childish! Just because I haven’t changed doesn’t mean I’m childish! Though I see you’ve grown completely wild without me! You’re such a slut going after both Grimshaw and Zayn!”_

I heard a clatter and voices in the background. I guess he hit speaker when he dropped the phone. I wasn’t going to apologize, but anything I said would piss him off more so I just listened to the tussle.

_“Niall, get the fuck off of me!”_

“Louis, you need to calm down.” That was Liam.

_“I will not calm down! I left and not even a day later he was out partying with Grimshaw of all people! Not only that but he’s been texting with Zayn and hasn’t even said more than what’s necessary to me! I will not calm down!”_

“Harry’s right, you’re being an insufferable twat!” Zayn said.

I heard some kind of pissed off noise that I can’t describe even if I wanted to.

“Zayn, you aren’t helping.” Liam said.

“Does Louis still have my phone?” Zayn asked

“No. I think he dropped it when we tackled him.” Liam responded.

“Harry?” It was Zayn’s voice. I guess he had found his phone.

 **“Yeah?”** My voice sounded toneless even to my ears.

I hated how close Louis was to the truth. I was a slut. Some days I still feel like I can never outlive those days. It hurt that him of all people would catch on that secret I was hiding.

“Oh shit. I have to help calm him down. But I will call you later. Okay?” Zayn stated.

 **“You don’t have to. I’ll be fine.”** I always was. I’ve gotten pretty good at putting myself back together.

“I will call you after the show.”

There was a click and they were gone.

I put the phone down so I wouldn’t risk dropping it. My hands had started shaking. I had never had his anger turned towards me before. I was so used to him being the one to protect me… I don’t know how to handle him trying to destroy me.

I went to get a glass of water and accidently dropped the glass, shattering it. Great. Just another reason for him to be mad at me. I don’t know how, but I managed to clean it up without slicing myself and decided to get a water bottle out of the fridge instead.

I just kind of sat on the couch until my phone went off. It was Zayn’s number, but I was a little afraid it would be Louis again, so I hesitated a little before answering.

**“Hello?”**

“Hey, Harry. It’s Zayn.”

*silence*

“I just wanted to check in and make sure you were okay. Louis was brutal this afternoon…”

**“Yeah. He was. And I’m not cheating on him. Fake or not. I don’t cheat.”**

“I know, Harry. It’s not in you to cheat.”

**“Cheating hurts too bad for me to ever wish it upon anyone else.”**

“Did Louis cheat on you?” He seemed hesitant to ask.

**“No. Never. He was more the leave you behind without a word type.”**

“Do you want to talk about it?”

**“No.”**

“Do you want to talk about why you were so shaken up by what Louis said to you?”

**“It was mean and hurtful. What else is there to say?”**

“Harry, most people don’t sound so… hollow after an ex says that to them.”

There was a stretch of silence as Zayn just sat on the other end of the line. He was patient. Just letting me decide if I wanted to talk or not. I think that’s what I needed.

**“Because what he said about me being a slut is true. Not who I was sleeping with, but the whoring around.”**

“I’m sure you aren’t-“

**“What else would you call it when I was sleeping with a minimum of two people a week for almost a year and a half, even more in the summer. I had no standards. I always topped though. I had already been screwed over twice, no need to go through that again.”**

“Harry-“

**“I don’t need sympathy or placating. It is what it is. It happened and I can’t change that no matter how much I wish it hadn’t.”**

“That doesn’t mean that’s who you are now.”

**“But it’ll always be a part of me.”**

“Harry-“

**“It’s fine Zayn. I’ve got to go make sure everything’s ready for when I leave tomorrow. I’ll see you in a few days.”**

I hung up before he could respond.

I went upstairs and showered so I could start packing up my toiletries and my backpack.

I was up bright and early the next morning. I more than ready to head out by the time their security team was knocking on the door. Then we were off to the airport. There were a few girls giggling and pointing not so covertly as they thought. I just put my, well Louis’ headphones, on. I had found them lying around and pilfered them since he obviously wasn’t using them.

I was startled when a camera phone flash went off. The girl had this major oh shit I’ve been caught face going on. I just smiled and waved. She took that as permission to come over, so I hit pause and let my headphones hang around my neck.

“Hi Harry. I’m Elise.”

**“Hello, Elise. Where are you heading?”**

“France. Are you going to Australia to go see Louis?”

**“Yeah. It’s been getting easier to visit him now that we’re out.”**

“Aw. How sweet! Could I get a picture with you, please?”

**“Sure.”**

She took her picture and then my phone started ringing.

**“I have to take this. Sorry.”**

“It’s fine. Have a safe trip!” She was off and I looked down to see it was Louis.

I decided to ignore it and sent a text off to Zayn saying I was boarding soon and shut my phone. It wasn’t too long until I was actually boarding. I was flying business class. It wasn’t as nice as when I got to fly first class with Louis but it was still better than the economy seats.

It was a long flight, about twenty-two hours. The closer we got to landing the more pissed I got. Louis had long ago given up his right to know about my personal life. He shouldn’t get to judge me for how I tried to recover from him. He has no right to be angry at me.

I had to calm myself down, so I didn’t come off totally annoyed in the photos. I threw on a pair of Ray Bans I had, once again, stolen from his apartment. He seemed to prefer aviators, if his vast collection was anything to go by.

I waited for the plane to empty out before finally getting off. It wasn’t hard to find Louis, sadly; I could just follow the sounds of screaming girls. I plastered on a smile headed towards him. I reached for a hug, and the next thing I know he was smashing our lips together. I knew this behavior. He was marking his territory as clearly as possible. Two could play at that game. I grabbed his ass and pulled him into me as I kissed back with equal aggression.

One of the security guards politely coughed off to the side so we ended the kiss and he grabbed onto my waist as we faced them.

“One of the men is already grabbing your suitcase and we are going to head back to the hotel.”

**“Okay. Thank you.”**

We started making our way to the doors, while Louis periodically stopped to say hello or for a picture, never letting go of me. We were going to have a fun shouting match back at the hotel. I hope the walls are thick.

We pretended to play catch up in the car. Louis talked about the concerts while I talked about Jay coming over to visit and how I’d love to see the girls sometime. It wasn’t too long until we reached the concert hall. I guess the argument would have to wait a little longer.

Louis kept a firm hold on me throughout our trip through the winding maze to find our way backstage.

“Oh! Hello Harry. Welcome to Australia.” Liam greeted.

“Thank God you’re finally here. Maybe now we won’t have to play interference between Zayn and Louis anymore.” Niall burst out and Liam wacked him on the back of the head.

**“Seriously Lou? We were just texting.”**

_“Yet you never text me. You can find time for him but not me.”_

**“It’s a two way street, Louis. You never text me either.”**

He was saved from responding when someone knocked saying they needed to hit makeup and wardrobe. I knew it was nowhere close to being over. At least this way our row would wait until we were somewhere less public.

This concert went like the last one I went to. Except the car was extremely awkward on the way home. The other boys could probably feel the anger radiating from the two of us. They were pretty eager to get off the elevator at the hotel. Apparently Louis and I were sharing a one bedroom. Though it had a living room attached to it.

 **“I’ll take the couch.”** I was not sharing a bed with him.

_“I’ll take the couch. You take the bed.”_

**“No. You need to sleep better. You have interviews and a concert tomorrow.”**

_“You’re the guest.”_

**“I’m also used to sleeping on less than ideal pieces of furniture. I will sleep just fine on the couch. Besides, your stuff is already all over the room.”**

_“Fine. But you should know you can’t date anyone else while you’re under contract.”_

**“I’m not. Zayn and Grimmy are just friends.”** I wasn’t really ready for this fight anymore. I was ready to crash after such a long flight and the concert.

_“Make sure it stays that way.”_

**“Goodnight Louis.”**

_“Night.”_

It didn’t take me long to cuddle up on the couch. Uncomfortable, though it may be, it was still better than the plane or a library desk.

I woke up when I heard Louis getting ready in his room. I had to catch myself before I accidently rolled off the side.

_“Morning, Harry. I have interviews this morning and then we are all going to hit the pool this afternoon.”_

**“Mkay.”** I mumbled sleepily and rolled over to go back to sleep.

I slept another few hours before finally deciding to go look for the gym. Louis' apartment complex had a gym, but I never felt comfortable enough to venture out of the room to find it. I just had felt that everyone would take one look at me and know I didn't belong. Plus I was almost afraid to leave the bubble of his apartment. While I was still there everything could be put off as a dream, like I was in limbo. With that exceptionally cheery thought, I threw on some basketball shorts and a t-shirt and headed downstairs.

There were only a few people down here, so a lot of the machines were open. I took off my shirt and put in my headphones and hit the treadmill. I spent about half an hour doing that before hitting the weight machines. After about ten minutes I noticed I was starting to gain an entourage. There were quite a few girls giggling with cell phones, undoubtedly taking pictures or video. I just ignored them. I figured I’d talk to them when I was done.

When I finished with my weights, I pulled out my headphones and tried to towel off and throw my shirt back on before talking to them. I figured none of them would want to walk away covered in sweat. I spent a good twenty or thirty minutes talking with them or taking pictures before security finally found me. They made my excuses for me and escorted me back to the room. I found the other boys already in there with lunch.

_“Where have you been?”_

**“I was downstairs working out. You can probably find some pictures or gifs online.”**

“Oh, he already has.” Zayn pitched in from the side.

 _“Eat up, then we’re going swimming,”_ Louis instructed completely ignoring Zayn.

I noticed they were all wearing swimming trunks and tank tops. I must’ve been at the gym longer than I thought. Oops. I ate and then went and changed into my own swim trunks. Mine only reached about mid-thigh while they had all opted for longer, looser shorts falling past their knees. I felt Louis’ gaze lingering on my thighs and smirked before heading for the door.

Once we got outside we all took off our tops and I just got stares.

**“What?”**

“Butterfly,” Zayn supplied. When that didn’t work Niall expanded.

“The big ass butterfly tattooed on your torso.”

**“Oh that. I got that because it was very Zen. It’s calming and peaceful. Stress relief during one of my really hard semesters.”**

_“You were stressed so you got a butterfly tattoo?”_

**“Yeah.”** Not all of his tattoos looked deep and meaningful or whatever shit he seemed to be insinuating mine wasn’t.

“You’re weird.” Niall said.

I just shrugged and cannonballed into the pool. It didn’t take much for the other boys to join me. It wasn’t long before we were playing chicken with Louis on Liam’s shoulders and Niall on mine. We won so then Louis wanted a re-match, which he lost again.

The whole walk back was full of him arguing over whether or not we cheated. We didn’t because you can’t really cheat at chicken, but there was no telling him that. We continued arguing into the room, the other boys leaving us to our dispute. It only ended when I yelled at him to not cross his arms at me and so he grabbed me instead.

I honestly wasn’t prepared for him to kiss me but the next thing I knew, he was on his toes and our faces were attached. He was clearly fighting for dominance, still trying to win the argument using his body instead of words. I had no intention of giving in that easily. I was taller and stronger than him so it wasn’t particularly difficult to spin him around and move him towards the bed.

He seemed frustrated by the general ease with which I was manhandling him. He fought back in the only way he could—shoving his tongue into my mouth and wreaking havoc. Now that we were on the bed, he would have more leverage and could eventually squirm free. That just wasn’t going to happen anytime soon, if I could help it. I pinned his hips down by straddling them with my own and I was able to hold down both of his wrists above his head with one of my hands. As soon as he realized how restricted his movement was he practically growled at me.

 _“You seem rather practiced at this.”_ His voice wasn’t as cruel as it was on the phone, since some of his anger was diffused by lust, but the words were still sharp.

 **“And you seem rather obsessed with things you have no right to know about.”** I punctuated my statement by grinding down on his crotch with my own.  I liked it better when we hadn’t been talking. I could win at aggressive sex but I didn’t trust my resolve if we broke out into a verbal battle.

He still looked like he was trying to find some response to my comment however, so I did what I could to render him speechless. I began grinding down in a more erratic but slow rhythm and with my free hand I traced along the muscles of his chest under his shirt. It didn’t take long before his fringe was a sweaty mess and he was moving his hips as best he could against mine to increase the friction.

I managed to work his tank top off while I had him arching his back off the bed. I just had to quickly switch which hand I had wrapped around his wrists. The problem was that I really wanted to get his swim trunks off but I didn’t know how to do it without losing control of him. As much as I wanted to claim the dominance in this situation I only really had my size working for me. There was no way he would listen if I told him to stay.

I tested the situation by pulling my hips off him, just enough to break the contact but not enough to unpin him. I snaked my free hand down to palm at his trunks where he was attempting to buck up into the air. I lifted up a little bit more in order to give myself enough room to pull his trunks down so I could get his cock out. We were both painfully hard at this point so perhaps I could distract him with a blowjob.

In as quick of a transition as I could manage, I released his wrists and moved both hands to his hips and my mouth to the head of his dick. I quickly took him in almost completely but he was bigger than I remembered. After a few movements up and down however, I was back into our practiced rhythm. I even managed to push his trunks down towards his ankles with one of my hands without much trouble. But I felt his hands creeping into my hair and it was the beginning of the end.

He quickly made it clear that I wasn’t the only one to remember the other’s weaknesses in bed. He began tugging on my strands and pushing me down even farther onto his cock. The result was me moaning obscenely and the next thing I knew he was on top and fucking into my mouth. I didn’t even care at this point because I knew he was close and I just wanted him to come into my mouth but then he was pulling out and replacing himself with his mouth. I couldn’t help it, I whined.

_“You’re still a little cockslut aren’t you? You were always so thirsty for it, offering me blowjobs left and right as thank you’s and apologies, but all along it was all for your own enjoyment.”_

I didn’t want to fall back into this, it was so far from what I had planned but it was _Louis_. I was fucked from the start.

**“Wanted to make you feel good. All for you, Lou. Your slut, promise.”**

_“You expect me to believe that you never went down for anyone else, never let another guy fuck your mouth? You were insatiable Haz.”_

He wasn’t wrong and he was kissing down my neck at this point leaving bruising along the way. I was never good at lying to him.

 **“You weren’t there, I didn’t…want other people but-“** It was hard to get the words out but he cut me off when he brought his lips back up to mine.

 _”Mine. Got it?”_  

All I could do was nod. I was so hard at this point; the stupid mesh inside of my swim trunks was incredibly uncomfortable. I needed some sort of relief. I pushed my hips up gently, just enough so that he could feel my bulge.

**“Please, Louis.”**

He made quick work of removing my clothes and then turned his attention to my thighs. He made sure to give them extra attention in order to leave enough bruises to match the mess he made of my neck earlier. As he moved up towards my hips, he gave my neglected dick a few light strokes. I took most of my strength to keep from fucking myself into his hand, but I knew from past experience that this Louis didn’t want me doing anything without him telling me to. He was angry. Angry at me, angry at the other guys I had been with, and I could only hope, angry at himself as well. He had been like this before, but usually none of the anger was directed at me. I didn’t how much of an affect that would have but I wasn’t going to underestimate him.

_“On your knees for me Hazza.”_

I was quick to comply, ready to do whatever he asked. He made a sound of approval at my eagerness and I stayed in position patiently while I felt him leave the bed, hopefully to find some lube. What felt like ages, though it was probably only a minute later, I felt him climb back up behind me and press a slick finger to my hole. He worked his way up to two fingers quickly. Crooking them to hit my prostate each time.

_“How are you still so tight hmm? All those guys taking advantage of you and you’re still so tight for me, baby.”_

**“Didn’t let-only you, only you.”** No good would come from mentioning Colin right now, I was still coherent enough to realize that.

He had gotten the third finger in by now and decided that was good enough. He had managed to coat his dick with his other hand and so almost as soon as he pulled the one hand out I felt his dick pressing into my entrance. He waited there just long enough for me to wonder if he was hesitating.

 **“Lou…I don’t have anything. I promise.”** I heard how small my voice sounded.

Hopefully he had heard me. This wasn’t a conversation I ever thought I would need to have with him. It was supposed to have been only him forever. Now I didn’t know what we were anymore. I buried my face in the pillow, hoping he believed me.

With one hand he traced down my spine and his lips followed it pressing gentle kisses into my back.

_“I know, baby, you’re a good boy.”_

With that he was pressing into me slowly until he bottomed out. He kept tracing patterns into my back the entire time and continued while he let me adjust. I didn’t trust my voice anymore at this point so I told him I was ready for him to move by simply rotating my hips back into him. He started out with slow but deep thrusts, concentrating on hitting my prostate each time. Pretty soon I was shaking and letting out a multitude of pitiful sounds.

 He was becoming more forceful as we both got closer to our climaxes. Suddenly he pulled out and flipped my over, pushing my knees up into my chest so he could resume his motions. He watched my face each time he pushed in. This also gave him easier access to my cock which he took in one of his hands and began to stroke it in time with his thrusts. His other hand brushed up my side causing me to shiver and worked its way into my hair. He gently scratched at my scalp and that was it. I was coming into his hand and across my chest. He came soon after with me clenching around him. He continued to push weakly in as we both rode out the aftershocks before he pulled out and collapsed next to me.

He grabbed whoever’s shirt was still within reach to wipe my chest and around my hole where his come had started to leak out. I was completely pliant and suddenly very, very sleepy. I barely had time to register him pulling me into his chest where I tucked my head into his neck, before I was fast asleep.

I woke up oddly warmer than normal, feeling a delicious soreness that I haven’t felt in years. Then it hit me: I had sex with Louis last night. I bottomed for Louis. Fucking Hell!

I worked my way out of his arms as quickly as possible, without waking him up. Thank God he’s always been a fairly heavy sleeper. I grabbed my phone and headed out the door, sending a text off to Zayn asking for his room number.

While I waited for his reply, I set off to grab some breakfast. Firstly so I had an apology for waking up Zayn and secondly so I had an excuse for leaving this morning.

He replied when I was heading out of the store and I headed for his room. He greeted me at his door, only half dressed and rubbing his eyes. I walked in and started pacing.

**“I fucked up, Zayn. I really fucked up.”**

“What happened?”

**“I slept with Louis last night.”**

“Okay…”

**“And I let him top.”**

“Oh. You let him?”

**“We fought until a certain point and then I just gave up control. I always give him control. Even years later he still has control over me.”**

“Is that really a bad thing?”

**“Yes!”**

“Why?”

**“Because the last time he had that much control he screwed me over!”**

“How? I feel like I’m missing information. I can’t help you if I don’t know what happened.”

**“How much do you know?”**

“Louis grew up with a neighbor boy and they did everything together. Then he graduated and moved here. More recently we found out you had grown into boyfriends too. Otherwise not much.”

**“Always afraid to trust everyone but me.”**

“Do you know why?”

**“Mostly because of timing. I was there when his dad left when we were little and when his step-dad left in high school. My dad left when I was little too, which is how our mom’s met and we started hanging out. We were also next door neighbors.”**

“So then what happened with the break up, then?”

**“I guess we never really broke up technically. His mom got a job in England. Once they moved, he never spoke to me again. First there was the phone number change since he switched countries. So I e-mailed since I didn’t have his address. A boy can only send so many e-mails into the void before he gets that he’s never going to get a response.”**

“That’s harsh.”

**“Yeah, but I’m not even angry at him. I mean I am mad, but I understand. He has major abandonment issues. He probably had some misguided thoughts of saving me the pain of a long distance relationship. I’m mostly mad at myself for being so understanding. It screwed me up at the time and sent me into a downward spiral, but in retrospect I can only see why he did it. I can only see the scared boy who came to me when his step-dad left.”**

“If you’re not still mad at him, then what’s holding you back?”

**“I’m scared. I’m afraid he’s going to leave me again. He doesn’t even understand what he did to me last time and I don’t know what I’d do if he did it again.”**

“I would almost think your relationship’s more plausible now. He isn’t going to move and he has the means to make a long distance relationship work. You two are more settled in your lives and less iffy on what the future holds. I think you should give him a second chance even if all you get out of it is closure.”

**“Mm.”**

He had a good point. I’d still have to think about it, though. That was when my phone decided to go off. It was Louis.

**“Morning.”**

_“Hey, where are you?”_

**“I went out to get breakfast. I’ll be back in a few.”**

That seemed to satisfy him because he let out a sleepy mkay and hung up.

“Louis?” Zayn asked.

**“Yep. Meaning that is my cue to leave. I’ll see you later.”**

“Okay. It’ll be okay, Harry.”

**“We’ll see…oh and I grabbed some food as a thank you for listening to me.”**

I left him his food and headed back to the room.


	7. Chapter Six

~Harry’s POV~

I walked back to the room and found Louis making tea.

**“Any coffee for me?”**

_“Coffee is absolutely disgusting! How do you drink that piss?”_ He scoffed.

**“Well, try having three term papers do in a week on top of taking 17 credit hours worth of classes. See how long you’d last without some sort of caffeine.”**

_“What about energy drinks?”_

**“Some of those make you batshit crazy. I had a teacher who survived writing her final papers by drinking those and was doing cartwheels in the library. Need I say anything else?”**

_“You’ll have to make it yourself. I have no fucking clue how these things work,”_ he gestured at the coffee maker.

I rolled my eyes and got to work leaving the bag of muffins on the counter. They didn’t stay there for long. Louis headed straight for the chocolate chip muffin, not that he needed the sugar as he was usually hyper enough. It was going to be a long day.

A half an hour later someone was knocking on the door.

“It’s time to go. You have an interview.”

 _“Can Harry come?”_ Louis begged.

The man started to shake his head, but then started to think better of it when Louis looked like he was preparing a rant. He quickly acquiesced. Louis grabbed onto me and ran down the hall with me trying not to trip over myself in the process.

Louis was bouncing the whole ride down the elevator. You’d think he’d be tired after our late night workout, but nope. He seemed to have more energy than ever. We joined the other boys who were already waiting in the car.

“Good Morning, Louis. And Harry.” Liam greeted.

“Looks like you two had a lot of fun last night.” Niall added.

I was blushing. I didn’t think to check for marks this morning, but considering how aggressive he was last night, I’m not surprised. At least I wasn’t the only one with marks on me. Louis had some nice and dark handprints on his wrists, though I don’t  think he’s noticed them yet.

I waited until he was in the middle of a conversation about the TV interview they were about to do before grabbing his wrists and squeezing. Thinking a little payback was due for laughing at me earlier. That backfired. He immediately turned to glare at me. Shit! Somebody wasn’t happy I had marked him… well more likely that I had marked him without permission. Or that it was a reminder I had disobeyed him at all by holding him down.

I just grinned at him, like I didn’t know what was going on, or what I had done. I would probably pay for it later. Until then, I was going to have some fun. I only manage to get his wrists one more time before we got to the studio. Their stylist, Lou, immediately set to work on them, starting with Louis.

That was rather unfortunate, since as soon as he was done, he dragged me off to an empty room. I guess I wasn’t going to get to have as much fun with his wrists as I thought I would.

 _“Do you enjoy playing with my marks?”_ Louis hissed in my ear.

I nodded timidly, my earlier bravery gone.

_“Well then, you must not have enough marks of your own. Don’t you agree?”_

He didn’t give me time to answer before setting to work on a hickey high up on my neck. I instinctively leaned my head to the side to give him access. Damn my submissive side! By the time I was done, I was sure I had a spot the color of a grape. In my distraction, my hands seemed to have made their may into Louis’ hair. What was once a quiff, now looked like sex hair. Lou was going to kill me, and I hadn’t even properly met her yet.

Louis pressed one last kiss to my neck then my lips. Then he was dragging me off back to the make-up room. Niall and Liam looked ready, and it appeared Zayn was getting his finishing touches done.

“There you are!” Niall greeted. Followed by, “Lou’s gonna kill you.”

“Who am I going to kill?” Lou asked. “Holy shit, Louis! What did you do to the poor boy?”

I assumed I was the poor boy.

“I think that purple thing on his neck is new. Though it’s hard to tell with how many he has.” Zayn added helpfully.

“I see…” Lou said. “Zayn, you’re done. Louis get over here so I can try and fix your hair.”

Louis headed back into the chair he had been occupying earlier. Lou cursed a bit as she did her best to manhandle his hair back into a quiff. I felt a little bad since I messed it up… but that was also Louis’ fault. He deserved a bit of the tugging going on with his hair. Then they all changed and were out the door to the set, leaving me alone with Lou. She seemed to have forgotten I was in the room.

 **“Um, hi? I’m Harry.”** She jumped a bit after I spoke.

“Oh, I guess we haven’t properly been introduced. I’m Lou, the boy’s stylist.”

**“I figured.”**

“ _You_ must be the one responsible for messing up Louis’ hair.”

**“Yeah. I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to. Well I meant to, because I needed something to hold on to, but I didn’t mean to mess up your work. Louis can be very distracting when he wants to be. Though you’ve probably seen your fair share of pranks from him and seen how meddlesome he can be. That’s still no excuse, though-“**

“Harry, calm down. You don’t need to apologize. From what I can see you were very _distracted_ at the time. So why don’t you come sit down and I help you cover some of those up. Assuming you don’t want any pap photos of you looking thoroughly debauched. Though Louis apparently wants everyone to know you’re taken.”

 **“That hasn’t changed. He’s was always a bit… possessive in high school and now that we’re… something, once again, he’s free to do as he pleases.”** I wasn’t quite sure what to call us, nor was I sure if she knew the truth.

“Understandable. Well more like predictable. You should have seen him when he found the pap photos with you and Grimshaw hanging out. Territorial seems a bit like an understatement. And on top of that he didn’t really have you.”

 **“What do you mean?”** I wasn’t going to assume she knew anything until she made it obvious that she did.

“With the contract and all, it only states you have to fake being boyfriends. Obviously, he wanted you back for more than professional bearding.”

I gave her a strange look, like how could she know about it.

“Honey, I’m under so many contracts that if I tried to tell a ladybug something confidential I could be sued.”

**“I’m sorry.”**

“Don’t be. I wouldn’t tell anyone anyway. So tell me about you.”

**“Um, okay. I’m 21. I’m from Chicago and I’m enrolling in a PhD Mediation program this fall. I’m an only child and I live with my mother. Though I’m moving into an apartment when I get back.”**

“And?”

**“And that’s about it.”**

“Interesting. You’re all covered up.”

**“Hm?”**

“Your hickeys are not going to scar some poor little girl’s innocent mind.”

**“Oh, thanks.”**

“If you want you can go watch off to the side, now that you look less disheveled.”

**“Okay, thanks.”**

She pointed me towards someone who escorted me to the side of the set so I could watch. Someone had given Louis some bracelets to cover up his bruises. It was weird how effortlessly the band fit together. It was obvious all the boys cared about each other. In front of the camera they seemed different. They were just boys most of the time I had seen them, but stick them in front of fans or a camera and they became something more, almost.

No wonder they were so popular. The reporter even seemed to have been charmed by them, not that it was so hard. I zoned out for most of the interview, primarily staring at Louis. The interviewer may have caught me at one point and winked in my direction. Not in an I’m-flirting-with-you way, more of a you’re-a-cute-couple way. I blushed.

Five minutes later, they were finished and getting out of their mikes. I told them all they did a good job and Louis threw an arm around my waist. I instinctively leaned into him; it surprised me how fast old habits came back. Then again maybe it didn’t; it had always been all too easy to fall into him.

We grabbed a quick lunch and headed back to the hotel to pack. We were leaving tonight after the concert to head to the next city on their tour. This led to our current predicament. I was sitting on my knees on the floor trying to pack my bag. Louis had hands around my shoulders and kissing the back of my neck.

 _“Please,”_ Louis pleaded.

**“No.”**

_“Please, Hazza! Pretty pretty pleeeeaase.”_ He was pouting at this point.

**“No.”**

_“Please, Baby.”_ He started cheating and sucking at the spot right below my ear.

 **“Yes,”** I moaned.

He jumped up punching the air screaming, _“Yes!”_

**“Damn it!”**

_“Haha! I win.”_

I started grumbling about dirty little tricks under my breath and reluctantly started packing his bags for him. I had said yes after all. The sneaky Bastard! I worked on gathering various clothing items from around the room when there was a knock on the door. Louis went and opened the door letting the other three boys into the room. They looked a little shocked to see me packing his stuff.

“Wow Louis, the boy hasn’t even been here that long and you’ve already got him packing for you.” Liam said.

“Relax Li. At least this means you don’t have to do it for him,” Niall said.

I just kept my head down and kept packing. I wasn’t quite sure where I stood with anyone, except Zayn. I’m not part of the band and Louis is complicated. It was easier to just shut up and keep my mind focused elsewhere. I used to know how to behave in these situations. I used to stick by Louis. I knew I belonged next to him and I would crack a joke to break the tension.

After that, I responded to almost any situation with flirting. This included, but wasn’t limited too: innuendos, sucking on straws, winks, and blatant pick ups. Once that phase ended, I was in the social exile phase. I avoided people when at all possible and managed to find a way to escape if a conversation got too awkward. Or I’d hide when people around me were fighting or having an awkward conversation. I guess I’m still stuck in the hiding stage.

I continued packing Louis’ stuff as they continued to talk. I couldn’t really hear what they were saying since they were in the other room. I tried to figure out what was clean and what wasn’t. I don’t think even Louis knew at this point. Also, I think some of our clothes ended up in each other’s suitcases, but that didn’t really matter since we were going to be staying together. Once I was finished, I shoved our suitcases into the living room.

 _“You ready?”_ Louis asked.

**“I think so, but you might want to do one more run through just to make sure.”**

Liam volunteered and then five minutes later we were heading downstairs with our bags. We handed them off to someone from their team. Then we were being herded into a car and driving off to the concert hall. They headed off to the stage for rehearsals, and I sat on my phone. I ended up on tumblr and the Larry tag… I was just curious about how fast things spread.

I found pictures from today and was suddenly thankful for Lou. If it weren’t for her, my many hickeys would be splashed across the internet. I decided to go find her. It only took me about a half an hour and about 10 wrong turns and who knows how many U-turns later, I found her. She was busy setting her stuff around the room.

“Hey, Harry! What are you doing here?” She asked.

**“The boys are off practicing, so I thought I’d say hello and thanks for the makeup. You saved me some world-wide embarrassment.”**

“No problem. Speaking of, you have a new one if you want me to cover it.”

**“I think it would be a lost cause. Speaking of makeup, how do I get it off?”**

“Louis has some shower wash, but I can send you with some makeup remover wipes since we’re traveling immediately after.”

**“Thank you.”**

“But you have to promise me something.”

**“What?”**

“You won’t mess up Louis’ hair after I do it tonight.”

I chuckled. **“Sure, I promise.”**

“Good.”

**“Do you mind if I just sit in here. Everywhere else seems to be full of bustling people and I’d prefer to feel less in the way.”**

“Sure, no problem.”

**“Thanks.”**

I curled up on the couch and started reading a book I had brought with me.  I lost track of time, but the next time I looked up, the boys were in here getting ready. Zayn was already done, so he joined me on the couch.

“Are you going to watch tonight?” He asked.

 **“Might as well. I mean how often do you get to watch from the wings? I should enjoy it while it lasts.”** I said.

“Are you okay, Mate?”

**“Yeah, I’m fine. Louis and I haven’t had a chance to talk, so I’m a little off for the moment, I guess.”**

“Or was it the thing with Liam that’s making you a bit antsy?” He pointed out. I guess it was okay to talk about personal stuff. I mean everyone is so busy they probably don’t have the time or patience to spend eavesdropping.

**“Maybe… It was a little weird.”**

“Sorry about that. Liam’s probably just confused and a little mad. You came out of nowhere. Louis never said almost anything about you; you know how he doesn’t like to share personal things. The whole bringing you here thing kind of threw us off balance and made us realize how much we don’t really know about him from before he moved here. I think Liam might be taking it out on you. Then again, Louis still hasn’t said much of anything, so he’s not quite sure how you fit in.”

**“Same. Am I a boyfriend? Or fuck buddy? Or beard with benefits? It’s a little confusing and disorienting.”**

“Understandable.”

Louis chose then to come plop down in my lap.

 _“What are you two talking about?”_ He threw a possessive arm over my shoulder.

**“Just idle chit-chat.”**

_“I see.”_

“Louis, Zayn!” Liam called. “We have to go get hooked up. Let’s go!”

 _“We’re coming!”_ Louis shouted back.

“I guess that’s our cue to leave. See you later, Harry.”

 **“Good luck tonight! Though at this point you probably don’t need it anymore.”** I responded.

They waved on their way out and I returned to my book. Later, I found myself standing on the side of the stage watching them perform. The screams were deafening, but their energy was contagious. Louis looks so happy on stage. I’m glad he found his band after he moved to England. It seems to make him happy.

Once they were done, they hit the showers they apparently had backstage so they didn’t stink up the bus for the however many hours trip we were making. We left the stadium to face the flashes of light as people took pictures and screamed. Then we were on the bus heading out.

The next couple or days were pretty similar, with some kind of interview or two and concerts, or long drives. We seized every chance we could to be alone together. I fully intended on talking to him, but it always ended in some sort of sex happening. It seems Louis was taking out his years of sexual repression on me. I would like to be able to say I minded, but I didn’t. I had been in a slump for a while now, too. And Louis knew exactly how to turn me into putty.

Surprisingly enough this hadn’t happened before, but it started off when we had some downtime before a show. I pulled Louis aside and we headed to one of the less used rooms, where I was fully intending to finally talk with him, but then his lips crashed into mine and like all the other times he had done this, I soon forgot what I was going to say. Sadly, the other boys came looking for us a moment too soon and found me swallowing Louis’ cum.

I probably should have been more embarrassed. Modesty has always been an issue for me. I think I made it worse when Niall pointed out that I had missed a spot and I swiped it off with my thumb and proceeded to suck it off. Louis broke the silence as he helped me off the floor.

_“Was there something you guys needed?”_

That seemed to shake them out of their daze.

“Um, yeah. We’re about to go on so we went to find you…” Liam said.

“Didn’t Lou ask you guys to not do that before shows?” Zayn asked.

 **“No. She just said not to mess up Louis’ hair and I didn’t.”** I rasped.

_“Though, I may have screwed up Harry’s.”_

“And his throat.” Niall added helpfully.

I shrugged. There wasn’t anything else to say. We headed back out so they could go on stage and the other boys learned to knock from then on out.

Nothing else truly eventful happened until the Thursday before we were heading back to London. We had the end of Australia club night. I still don’t remember the name of that club, but I do remember most of what happened. I think. I do know Niall makes some pretty high percent alcohol cocktails. I had given up drinking beer when I went out. Beer said ‘no homo’ while obnoxiously colored cocktails screamed ‘I’m so gay I appear rainbow when drunk.’ Yay!

I forgot how horny alcohol made me, but there were two problems. First there were a lot of people there; normally this is fantastic but everyone is off limits, but Louis. Leading to the second problem: no Louis. God damn it! All the boys had disappeared earlier to go fulfill famous person duties. That was at least two hours ago. Judging by the massive crowd, I highly doubt they’d be able to get away anytime soon.

I let someone talk me into downing some test tube shots. Okay, more like someone handed them to me and I eagerly downed them. Not my best idea. I wonder if a light bulb appeared over my head! Idea. Light bulb. Tee he.

Afterwards, I sat down at the bar, no longer trusting my legs. I had some kind of drink in front of me. I started talking to it, I think?

**“You’re pretty and pink! Hey that’s a movie! I haven’t seen it though. I keep seeing it on Netflix and thinking one day I’m going to watch it. Then I never do. Is that a metaphor for my life? I keep saying I’ll do certain things and most of my resolutions don’t ever get done.**

**You know what’s stupid? New Year’s resolutions. No one ever gets them done and leads disappointment at the next year’s end when they realize all the things they had planned on doing and didn’t; it’s depressing. Sad self-disappointment when people realize if they have changed in the New Year it’s probably not in the way they wanted.**

**I’ve had that happen to me before. That happened a couple years in a row. Disappointing end of the years and self-loathing beginnings to the next year. Life without Louis is very very lonesome…**

**I wonder how they make test tube shots. What is in test tube shots? Maybe Niall knows. Maybe he could teach me!”**

I downed whatever bright colored monstrosity was in front of me and giggled.

“ **Grapefruit. Definitely grapefruit. Fruit is lovely. Like bananas. Bananas are really fabulous to eat and I’m not just talking about the fruit.”**

“I think it’s about time I cut you off, Mate.” The bartender said.

**“Okay!”**

“You are an awfully cheery drunk when you aren’t waxing poetic.”

**“Thank you. I think. I’m pretty sure I’m a horny drunk too. Mostly horny for Lou. That rhymed!”**

“Lou?”

**“My boyfriendy person. Big cock though. Really nice cock. He’s also really good with his tongue-“**

“I think I’m going to stop you there.”

I looked across the floor and decided to go join the crowd. Dancing sounded like lots of fun. I wandered into the mass of people. At one point in my past, this had been my element. Searching for conquests amongst a sea of people. I was too drunk to do anything but fall back into old habits.

Some girl grabbed me and started grinding on me immediately. She was just a bit too short and too soft. She was sensual and slow where I wanted more of a hard hitter with no apologies.

After her was some dude. He was really bad at dirty talk. He was trying to be sexy and came across as gross. His hands were a little too roamy so I quickly left him. I was passed around to a couple of people in the mess of warm bodies until I went to take a break, and probably some more shots, and started talking to this guy.

**“Where are you from?”**

“Australia born and raised. You?”

**“Chicago, USA.”**

“What are you doing down here?”

**“Summer vacation. You?”**

“I’m road tripping while I decide what I want to do.”

**“That’s cool.”**

“So what are you doing tonight?”

**“I have no idea.”**

“Well I was thinking-“

I didn’t hear the rest because I got distracted by Louis. Well more like his lips. He tasted really good. I instantly relaxed into his arms. When he was done he still held me tight around the waist.

“Do you know this guy?”

 _“I’m his boyfriend.”_ Louis answered for me.

“You should let him speak for himself.”

**“I’m Louis’. And I have the many many marks to prove it.”**

“I’m just going to go over there.” And no-name walked off.

 _“And what were you doing?”_ He was trying to sound playful and I was entirely too drunk to notice the bite of jealousy in his words.

 **“Dancing. I think. Then I was talking.”** Too much talking it was time to make-out now. I started drunkenly dancing him across the club toward a back hallway.

_“You realize he was going to try and take you home?”_

**“Naw. We were just being friendly.”**

_“Well he wanted to get really friendly with you. While you were both naked.”_

**“Oh. But I have you. Why would I do that? I’m yours.”** I nuzzled into his neck.

_“Too bad we have to leave soon. The things I would do to you if we had the time. Everybody in this club would know who you belong with.”_

We ended up snogging. Then I was moaning as he marked up my neck. That was were Zayn found us a little later.

**“Zaynie! Precious Zaynie. You are looking mighty sweaty, but not in a fun sex way more like an it’s too crowded and too much other body heat way.”**

“Are you okay, Harry?”

**“Yes! Everything’s all wobbly like we’re underwater. It’s amazing!”**

“No more alcohol for you. Or whatever you were doing with Louis against the wall. It’s time to go. How steady are you?”

I tried to remember how to walk straight and between the snogging and alcohol, it managed to elude me.

 **“I don’t think I have my sea legs.”** I frowned.

_“I’ve got him.”_

I held on and he half dragged me to the door.

_“Now we have to go outside. Shield your eyes from the light.”_

**“Back to a hotel? Because I have a hankering for bananas if you know what I mean.”**

_“I’m pretty sure they have bananas at the airport, Haz.”_

**“Not those kind of bananas.”**

Before he could reply we were being ushered out the door. I took two steps before Louis realized how truly drunk I was. I was lucky he was strong. I had the coordination of a limp noodle and he did the vast majority of the work involved with getting me to the bus.

I slept the next couple of hours on the bus. We had to drive back to Sydney. Then we were catching an early flight back to London. I barely remember getting through the airport but I know I fell asleep as soon as I was on board.

I woke up hours later feeling decidedly less happy and in a lot more pain. I tried to curl back into my warm pillow with a groan.

_“I see someone’s finally awake.”_

**“Shh. Noise make not.”** I tried covering his mouth with my hand. He licked my hand.

**“I’m not one of your little sisters. I don’t mind when you do that.”**

“Oi! Lovebirds! Not in front of the children.” It was one of the guys but I was too hungover to pay much attention

I stole my hand back and tried to cover my ears and cradle my pounding head. Louis wrapped an arm around me and cradled my head with the other one. Zayn was kind enough to pass some painkillers. I muttered Thanks in return. I waited a bit for the pounding to decrease before opening my mouth to speak.

**“How long do we have left?”**

_“About 19 hours. We’ve only been flying about five.”_

**“Why so long?”**

_“Because we’re that far away, Haz.”_

**“Ugh.”**

_“What did you get up to last night before I found you?”_

**“A lot of colorful things, not limited to test tube shots. Then dancing. I was talking to someone when I found you.”**

“That explains why you were so smashed.” Niall added.

**“Speaking of. Niall, do you think you could teach me how to make them sometime?”**

“Sure. No problem.”

**“So that’s how I spent my night. How’d you spend yours?”**

_“A few shots. A lot of dancing. Started out mingling with some of the local stars and ended up stuck in a crowd of people and couldn’t find my way out. Then I found you with some guy and you know the rest.”_

“Yeah, Louis was getting positively territorial last night.” Zayn added. “If you’re neck is sore, he’s the cause.”

**“I see.”**

We ended up chatting for the rest of the flight. Playing a few games. We watched an in flight movie. Louis took a nap on me and I was left to wonder what happens next. Australia has been an adventure. What’s going to happen when we return to reality?


	8. Chapter Seven

~Harry’s POV~

By the time we landed, I felt like hell. It was midafternoon and the flight was so damn long. The rest of the boys didn’t look too bad. Then there was me. I think I might have left a little drool spot on Louis shirt when I fell asleep in the middle of talking. I think I’m suffering from caffeine withdrawal. I need coffee; otherwise I might get trampled under the mass of fans trying to get to the boys.

**“Hey, Lou?”**

_“Hmm?”_

**“Is there anyway I can get some coffee before we have to deal with the bright lights?”**

_“Well, if you manage to blend in with the rest of the crowd exiting you can get coffee while we wait to get ushered off last.”_

**“Why do you get off last? If you got off first they wouldn’t be able to tell people you are here.”**

_“One, they can use their phones. Two, people already know we’re here. It’s easier on security if we get off last.”_

**“Okay.”**

_“Here comes the first wave of people. Just follow along and we’ll meet you outside.”_

**“Okay.”**

I blended into the crowd of people and followed as we went out the narrow hall and back to the airport. Then I remembered I had forgotten my carry on. Oh well. Louis would probably grab it. As soon as I was clear I went to go find the nearest caffeine vendor.

“Hello, how may I help you?”

**“Large Coffee. Black. Please.”**

“Name?”

**“Harry.”**

They didn’t seem exceptionally busy, but I guess it was just protocol to write people’s names on their drink. I paid her and tried to kind of stretch in place. It had been a long flight.

“Where are you going?”

**“Just got back from Australia, actually. It was a long flight and I’m exhausted.”**

“Well, you don’t look it.”

**“Thanks.”**

“You don’t sound like you’re from around here.”

**“I’m not. I’ve only been in London all of two weeks then about a week in Australia, so no British accent has managed to take hold.”**

“I see. Well my shift ends at six if you’d like some company.” She winked.

**“Okay.”**

“Here’s your coffee. Hopefully I’ll hear from you later.”

I was confused. I wasn’t planning on sticking around the airport until the end of her shift. I took my coffee and headed back to the gate. I stood by and waited five minutes for the boys to get off the plane. I shifted the coffee cozy and saw a piece of paper fall out. Apparently the girl had shoved her number into my coffee. I grabbed it and threw it away in the trash, finally understanding her vague hints.

I turned around to see security looking around. I waived from where I was standing and one of the guards dragged me back to join the others. I got a stern look from security, but there was no time for lectures. I nursed my coffee as we headed out to face the fans. Louis passed me a pair of sunglasses and I thanked him. I was never good at remembering those things.

It was a long walk to the car and a longer drive to the apartments. I was glad when we finally made it to the apartment. I made us some sandwiches and then we headed off to bed. I took my stuff back to the guest room. Louis gave me a look.

_“Where are you going?”_

**“To the guest room. You know. The one you assigned me when I got here.”**

I wasn’t going to be the first to assume everything had changed between us now that we were back.

_“Come with me to my room… On second thought, my rooms still a mess so let’s head to the guest room.”_

I rolled my eyes. I had a feeling I would be the one to clean it up. I don’t think he’s ever cleaned his room on his own. Now that I think about it, it would be better if I cleaned his room. Just in case I accidently left anything in his room when I had my drunken night in there. We hit the showers to wash off airplane grime and slept the rest of the day and night.

~Louis’ POV~

I woke up and heard shuffling in the other room. Then I remembered Harry. I walked into the hallway and found him cleaning and unpacking for me. Just like old times. I’m glad I have him back.

I had the next couple of days off to stay at home. I spent most of it writing. I wanted to get a song done while I had Harry around for inspiration. We’ve been working on our new album and I’ve noticed it’s a lot easier to write with him close at hand.

We mostly relaxed after the hectic tour schedule. Harry wasn’t used to it so he seemed to be really out of it. It was cute to watch him fall asleep all over the place. He was cuddly when he fell asleep, which occasionally made it hard to write, but I didn’t have the heart to disturb him.

I’ve noticed that it’s so much easier to cope with all the craziness of being in a boy band now that Harry’s come back. Since it’s already become a pseudo tradition for me to write at least one song about him for an album, I thought I’d try to make a song about that.

It started out great. The words just starting flowing and Bam! I had a magnificent song about Harry and how he makes me strong. That’s all complete Bullshit actually. It started out with a lot more groaning and Harry shooting me looks like I was off my rocker. Which may be true, but he doesn’t have to point that out. It was a struggle and a couple of days of non-stop working; I mean even asleep my brain was full of floating words and dancing melodies.

I didn’t want him to know what I was writing about it until the song was complete and edited and possibly not even until after it was recorded, so I didn’t say anything. I did keep glancing over at him every time I paused to think. I couldn’t help it. I’m writing a song for him so of course my gaze automatically found him whenever I looked up. He caught me though.

**“Why do you keep staring at me?”**

_“I was just thinking.”_

**“About what?”**

_“Lyrics. I’m working on a song for the new album.”_

**“I see.”**

_“You know, it’s a lot easier to write with you around…”_ I said vaguely.

There was a pause as the sentence hung in the air. I hoped Harry would pick up the hint that he inspires me. I guess he understood because there was a surge of movement and Harry’s lips were on mine. We ended up christening the couch in the oldest possible manner. Harry ended up with a few more love bites.

The next day I did some finishing and editing and by the time we went to bed I had finished _Strong_. When I woke up, I decided to go run through it with Liam. I, also, wanted to see how his writing was going. It was weird. I normally spent more time with him and the other boys, especially when working on a new album. I used to leave the flat because it always felt so tauntingly empty. I guess it just doesn’t feel so desolate with Harry in it.

I went to go tell him I’m heading out and found Harry reading a book on the couch.

_“Hey Harry?”_

**“Yeah?”**

_“I’m going to head over to Liam’s for a couple of hours to work on our album. I’ll have my phone on me and all of the boys’ apartment numbers are on the fridge if you need to find me. Okay?”_

**“Yeah. Good Luck.”**

I blinked and he was back to reading his book. It had always been hard to drag his attention away from what he was reading. It was probably why he always did well in school. I pressed a quick kiss to his cheek and headed out the door.

It only took about two minutes for me to get to Liam’s apartment. I used my key to let myself in. I found him at his table surrounded by papers containing notes and lyrics.

_“Li!”_

“Louis?” Liam looked vaguely surprised.

 _“Why the shocked look?”_ I asked.

“You’ve just been so busy with Harry lately, that I’m surprised you remembered we have work to do; assuming that’s why you’re here.”

 _“Of course that’s why I’m here. I’m offended you’d assume otherwise,”_ I said haughtily. _“I finished a song and I wanted to go over it with you and see how you were doing.”_

“Really? Because it seems to me that you’ve been too wrapped up in Harry lately to get anything done.” That was direct, and a little harsh.

_“What is your problem with Harry?”_

“I’m worried about you, Louis. You’re falling into this so fast and you barely know this guy.”

_“I know Harry. I’ve always known Harry. We’ve been inseparable for as long as I can remember.”_

“No. You used to know who he was. It’s been over four years since you’ve had contact with him. A lot can change in that amount of time. I don’t think you know him as well as you think you do.”

_“He’s Harry. There’s no way I don’t know him. Besides, it’s my relationship. Why do you care?”_

“I’m just trying to look out for you. You’re like my brother and I just don’t want you to be disillusioned by your memories of the past.”

_“Li, I know what I’m getting myself into. You don’t have to worry about me.”_

“Are you sure? Because I’m not.”

_“Yes. Everything with me and Harry is fine. I’ve just been a bit distracted by him because it’s like our honeymoon phase. You remember what it’s like when you get into a new relationship and everything just clicks and is happy and shiny and new?”_

“Yeah.”

_“Well, it’s like that all over again and more intense because it’s Harry. It’s always been Harry.”_

There were a few minutes of silence as he pondered over that thought.

“I guess that makes sense. It actually clears a few things up.”

_“Like what?”_

“Why you never fought with management. I would’ve thought you’d fight them more about hiding your preferences, so you could date. But I guess if Harry was it for you then that makes sense. And it finally clears up who those songs were about.”

 _“I have no idea what you’re talking about…”_ I tried to lie.

“Sure you don’t. I’ll stop questioning you, but just promise me you’ll be a little careful. It would make me feel better.”

_“Fine, I promise.”_

“Good. Now can I see this song you finished?”

_“Yeah, sure.”_

We spent the next couple of hours working. He helped me figure out some of the solos for _Strong_ and smooth out some of the melodies. Then we looked at a few of his songs he had started on before we were finished for the day. Then I had an idea.

_“You were right earlier.”_

“About what?”

_“Me not being around as much lately. I think all of us should hang out in my apartment and have a bros night.”_

“That sounds like a good idea.”

_“I’ll text the others.”_

~Harry’s POV~

I was relieved when Louis finally left the apartment. It’s been nothing but us 24/7 for the past few days. It’s so normal, but not. It’s like we never broke up except so much has changed. We act like we’ve been together forever, but our simple hobbies have changed. He spends a lot of his time working on songs that he didn’t used to do. With his hint about his song being about me has also left me curious as to what else he’s written about me: good or bad. Though I may be delusional in the assumption he’s written about me at all.

I forgot how much I had turned to music since we went our separate ways. I guess music became a big part of both of our lives, so far apart yet so much in common. I decided to sit down at the piano while he was gone; my fingers had been itching to play ever since we had gotten back. It’s such a nice piano and sounds better than the cheap keyboard I had been playing at home. I didn’t play very long though. I was too paranoid that Louis would come home and find me playing his piano and ask to hear something. Music was too personal for me to be ready to share that with him which is somewhat ironic considering music is his life now. I don’t really play for anyone except myself. I haven’t even played for my mother.

Music left me too exposed which was not a good idea since I still don’t know where I stand with him. Whenever things started to get emotional it ended in sex. Although the sex was good in the moment, I always felt guilty after. It felt a little too much like my slag days, no emotional commitment and a whole lot of fucking.

That thought was cut off by my phone ringing.

**“Hello?”**

“Hey Harry. It’s Nick.”

**“What’s going on?”**

“Oh, nothing. Just wanted to check on you.”

 **“You just wanted to check on me?”** I sounded skeptical.

“And ask you if the hickey’s have healed yet. Then again knowing how possessive Louis is he’s probably given you a few more since then.”

**“Ah, so this is about my sex life.”**

“So you are having sex. I have to assume it’s with Tomlinson.” He said like this was an every day occurance.

 **“And?”** There was no point in denying it.

“I just wanted to check on you. From what little you would share with the class, Louis and you didn’t end well last time. Now it appears you are sleeping together again and I may have felt a bit… concerned.”

**“I see.”**

“So how is it going, dare I ask?”

**“Same old Louis; avoiding emotions and distracting with sex. Now that I think about it, there was a significant increase in sexual activities right before he moved…”**

“So basically nothing has changed?” He nailed it.

**“Well I might be the one hiding this time. What with him remaining completely the same and me not telling him about Colin or my days of slagdom.”**

“So you haven’t told him?”

 **“Hell no. Not after-“** I cut myself off.

“After what?”

 **“Nothing.”** My voice had gone slightly higher in pitch.

“Harry.”

**“He may have slighty said something…uh… how should I put this? Less than complimentary after he found the pap photos of us out and about while they were in Australia.”**

“And what insult did he throw at you?” I winced a little when he said insult.

**“It might have involved the word slut and Zayn and your names…”**

“If he got that jealous over pictures… I totally understand you not telling him. But as much as I understand your avoidance, you do realize you’ll have to tell him sooner or later.”

**“I would prefer later, like right around when my contract ends so if it goes down as bad as I think it will, I won’t be obligated to stick around for the fall out.”**

“Ok. Take care of yourself, alright?” I knew this wasn’t going to be the last time I heard of this, but I was glad for the temporary reprieve.

**“I will.”**

“And call me if you ever want to hang out or get away for a while.”

**“Will do. Bye.”**

“Bye.”

There was a click and he was gone. I stared at my phone and a text from Louis appeared. Apparently we were all getting together for drinks in the apartment tonight. At least I wouldn’t have to sit alone with Louis all night. It was so much harder to hide my inner turmoil when he was the only thing there every time I turned around.

I decided to go make some Tacos since they would probably be hungry and I had enough time. Niall showed up first and it took him all of five seconds to head towards me in the kitchen.

“What’s cooking?” He asked.

**“Tacos. They’re almost done. Just waiting for everyone else to get here.”**

“Where is Louis?”

**“He went to Liam’s to work on the album.”**

That was when we heard voices and Zayn, Liam and Louis walked in.

**“Hey! We’re in the kitchen. I made tacos.”**

The three boys came in and we all ate. There was some small talk about the album, mostly between them. They started off with some beer. We moved to the living room, as they progressed passed tipsy.

“Man, I never realized how much went into a song until we started working on our own albums.” Niall said.

“No kidding. I wonder how people come up with metaphors sometimes.” Liam said.

 _“Some of them are ridiculous like_ Hips Don’t Lie _and_ Dancing on the Ceiling. _”_ Louis added.

“Or you get some of the stereotypical _Baby,_ _More than a Feeling,_ or _Crazy in Love._ ” Zayn said.

 **“Those might actually work well together.”** I added.

_“What do you mean?”_

**“Like that could be a verse. You could make verses out of song titles.”**

“We could go dirty too, like _Best I’ve Ever Had.”_ Liam said.

“Best I’ve ever Had, Hips don’t lie,” Niall said from the side.

I grabbed some paper off the coffee table and started writing down their ideas.

“You Make Me Wanna…” Liam added on.

 **“Szz.”** I added, out of reflex.

“One More Night,” Zayn joined in.

“Irreplaceable,” Niall added

“Yeah” Zayn echoed.

“Crazy,” Niall finished.

_“That could make a verse. And we could also start another verse of stereotypes, like More Than a Feeling, Crazy in Love… etc.”_

“So then Crazy in Love and Dancing on the Ceiling.” Zayn added.

Liam looked over at my sheet of paper. “I feel like it’s missing a line.”

_“We could always make our song title the first line and make that the opening verse.”_

Liam looked at it some more. “That could work.”

“What about More than Songs?” Niall asked.

 _“That doesn’t sound right…”_ Louis said.

“How about More than Words?” Liam said.

 _“No. Closer though.”_ Louis said.

**“Better than Words? Maybe?”**

_“Yeah. That’s sounds good.”_

Louis started humming under his breath, while Liam worked with Zayn and Niall to come up with some other verses. I grabbed some more paper so Louis could get started jotting down some melodies, and some more alcohol for them while I was at it.

I listened to their process and watched them become increasingly intoxicated. I ended finding blankets to cover them all since they were too tired to walk the scant 50 feet back to their own apartments. Once I was sure they were actually asleep I worked on their chorus and bridge. I was too embarrassed to work on it while they were awake. At least this way, if any of it is bad they’ll probably blame it on their drunken selves.

The song and melody seemed fairly simple, so I wanted to make a bridge or chorus that was simple too, not that I could write anything much more complicated than that. All of the writing I’ve done, which isn’t much, has all been in my head. I could recall it but nothing’s ever set in stone. I liked to work from the melody first and then the music, so I pulled over Louis’ scribbled notes first.. I gathered a pile of paper and worked on cleaning up his sheets and adding the words. It was a little rough, but fairly put together. They’d have to do their instrumentals, but they definitely have a start. They can edit it when they’re sober.

I walked over to where Louis was passed out on one of the chairs and shook him awake.

_“Hmm?”_

**“Lou, let’s go to bed.”** I tried to whisper quietly as to not wake the boys.

_“I don’t want to move.”_

**“Come on, you know you’re back’s going to hurt like hell in the morning if you don’t move to a bed.”**

_“Give me a piggyback.”_

**“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”**

_“You’re taller than me. Put it to good use”_

I guess that was that. I let him climb onto me and carried him back to his room, since it was closer than the guest room. I dropped him on the bed before stripping him down to his boxers. He would get too hot and uncomfortable if I didn’t. I went and closed the door before stripping down as well. I joined him in bed. He manhandled me until he was comfortable and passed out not long after. I rolled my eyes and drifted off soon after.

I woke up first. Even with the time shift I woke up early out of habit. It took me all of ten minutes to realize I wasn’t going to fall back asleep. I snuck out from underneath Louis and went to the bathroom and got dressed. I went downstairs to get him some painkillers and water in case he was hung over when he woke up. I got water and painkillers for everyone else while I was at it.

I grabbed a book and got back into bed since there was enough light for me to read. I did that for a few hours before I started getting hungry and decided to make a late  breakfast/lunch of French toast, eggs and bacon. I heard the sounds of people moving around and Louis was the first one in the kitchen nursing his water as he was walking.

 **“Morning Lou,”** I murmured, trying not to be too loud.

 _“Morning. Please tell me some of that’s for me.”_ Louis said.

**“I have French toast, bacon and eggs. What would you like?”**

_“Some of each. And my hangover to go away.”_

**“Sadly, I can only do the former.”**

He set to work and Liam and Niall finally appeared about ten minutes later. I gave them both food.

“Thanks.” Liam said. “Also, thanks for the paracetamol.” I assume he meant acetaminophen, but that’s British for you.

**“No problem.”**

Zayn was the last one in, looking the least hungover out of the four.

**“Morning, Zayn.”**

“Morning, Harry.” He returned and nodded at the other boys.

Breakfast was mostly silence as the boys got their wits about them and woke up. I washed the dishes and they headed back to the living room. I joined them once I was done. They were talking about the song. While they remember writing it, they didn’t remember that I had been writing down the lyrics.

 **“If you’re trying to remember the song, I have it all here,”** I said as I held up a stack of papers.

 _“Thanks, Babe.”_ Louis said.

I decided to finally go find the gym. Feeling awkward about how much of an intruder I felt in this apartment complex was a better alternative to staying here. It wasn’t like I wasn’t welcome here, it was just it was their song for their band. They were sober now, so they didn’t need me anymore. I didn’t feel left out per se, but it’s just weird that there’s a part of his life that I just don’t fit into. I waited until they got into a heated discussion over one of the verses and then I snuck out the door and headed to the gym. I would have preferred to go run outside or something, but that was no longer an option. Trying to run through a mass of paps didn’t seem feasible.

I caught the elevator downstairs and had to ask someone where the gym was. It was shiny and looked newer than the college facilities I normally worked in. I keep forgetting how posh this place is. I worked out hard, enjoying the feeling of muscles working to their limit. I didn’t do as much as usual, but then again I haven’t had much time to work out in the past month.

I came back to the apartment to find it empty. I guess Louis must be still working with Liam. I headed to the shower to get clean. After I got out I decided to watch something on Netflix, and five minutes in, I was out like a light. I guess between the physical exhaustion and three hours of sleep I got last night. On top of that, I never really caught up on sleep after Australia. I’ve been running on sex and coffee for the past couple of days. Tonight it was Louis’ turn to usher me up into bed.

_“Haz. Hazza. You need to get up so we can go to bed.”_

**“I don’t wanna.”** I murmured into the couch cushions.

 _“Come on. It’s more comfortable. You don’t want your back to hurt.”_ He argued.

**“I’ve survived worse.”**

_“But you don’t have to. Now up! Up! Up!”_ He started shaking me.

I reached out trying to get some part of him so I could shove him away. Sadly, I ended up rolling off the couch in the process. I had no choice but to get up. Louis walked with me up the stairs and I quickly stripped and dropped into bed. He wasn’t far behind and he pulled me into him as I fell asleep, not caring how I ended up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! As always, comments are greatly appreciated. I hope you have an absolutely fantastic weekend!


	9. Chapter Eight

~Harry's POV~

I woke up and snuggled deeper into Louis’ chest. He was comfy and warm and I didn’t want to wake up.

 _“Morning, Haz.”_ He said as he pressed a quick kiss to my head.

 **“Mmm.”** He started running his hands up my back.

_“Come on. There’s a whole day waiting for you!”_

**“Since when are you a morning person?”**

_“Since you’ve lost all since of an internal clock. It’s about 10.”_

**“Really?”**

_“Yeah. Now I’ve got to go work with Liam.”_

**“How is Better Than Words coming?”**

_“Good. Thank you for jotting down notes for us. I meant to thank you yesterday, but you were a little sleepy.”_

**“Yeah.”**

He pulled me up and headed to the bathroom, where I insisted on showering together, to conserve water of course. Then he was getting dressed and heading out the door. I waited twenty minutes to make sure he wasn’t coming back for anything before sitting down at the piano. I only got to play for half an hour before there was a knock at the door, which was weird. Everyone who usually comes over lets themselves in without warning.

I opened the door to find Zayn on the other side. I shouldn’t have been that surprised he was standing there. We haven’t really gotten a chance to talk since my panic attack the morning after I started sleeping with Louis again.

**“Hey, Zayn. To what do I owe the pleasure?”**

“Well I seem to have a problem, and it appears you would be the solution.” That wasn’t what I was expecting.

**“How so?”**

“We’re all working on our own stuff for this album but I have come down with a bad case of writer’s block.” I didn’t understand what that had to do with me.

**“Well Louis isn’t here at the moment. You could probably find him at Liam’s or I could text you when he gets back.”**

“I’m not here for Louis.”

 **“But you said you had writer’s block.”** I was confused.

“Yes and I want your help. Not Louis’.”

**“What made you believe that I would be any help at all?”**

“The other night did.”

**“What are you talking about?”**

“I may have been drinking, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t notice all the work you did on Better Than Words.”

 **“I just took a few notes.”** I didn’t think anyone would have noticed I had done anything.

“I know you did more than that. Before we passed out there wasn’t a bridge or a chorus, yet the next morning we had both done.”

I looked away. I felt like a kid who got caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

**“Can you please not say anything?”**

“But you’ve deserve credit.”

**“I’ll help you, but please promise you won’t say anything.”**

I didn’t want Louis to know. We’d reached a fragile balance and I wasn’t sure I wanted to tip the scale one way or the other.

“Are you sure, Harry?”

**“Yeah. It’s just something fun and if you tell Louis…”**

“Then it becomes something more serious.”

**“Exactly. Like, the most I’ve ever done is half written songs in my head. I feel like if he knows I wrote some of the song it will make it less somehow.”**

“I don’t think it will matter in that sense. You’re writing isn’t less because you don’t do it professionally. Louis might like to know because that’s just another piece what makes you, you.”

**“Just please don’t tell him. We’re happy right now and I don’t want to risk changing that.”**

“Okay.” I could tell he found fault in my reasoning but he agreed anyway.

**“What do you want your song to be about anyway?”**

“Heartbreak actually. Feeling less than whole after someone’s gone.”

**“And you know I’ve been through that with Lou.”**

“Well that and you really are good at writing. Louis was singing the chorus this morning and it sounded pretty good. I would have asked you regardless of whether or not you’ve been through heartbreak, but that’ll just make it easier to write.”

**“Okay. But are you sure you really want my help?”**

“Yes, Harry. Now let’s go work.”

**“Where do you want to start? Or what have you done, is probably a better question?”**

“You know how I said I wanted to write a song about heartbreak?”

**“Yeah.”**

“That’s as far as I’ve gotten.”

**“Oh. Okaaay… Then do you want to start with the melody or the lyrics?”**

“Where do you normally start?”

**“The melody. I mean we can always go back and change it, but I find it easier if there’s a set rhythm and tone.”**

“Okay, then let’s start there.”

I started moving to the living room.

“Do I need to call Niall to play the guitar for us or how do you normally do this?”

**“I actually play a little bit of piano, if that’s all right with you?”**

“That’s pretty cool. I sometimes wish I could play an instrument. But I’m just happy I can sing well enough to do it and get paid.”

So that’s what we did for the rest of the day. We managed to get a basic melody laid out and written down. It will probably be changed more than once before the songs finished to match the lyrics better, but it was something to start with. I was really excited and happy by the time Zayn left. I had Louis (I think) and someone actually wanted my help with a song, which is equal parts nerve racking and exciting, but I was going to damn well enjoy it while it lasted.

And that good feeling carried over to when Louis came back and I started kissing him and unbuttoning his jeans, before dropping to my knees and unzipping his jeans with my teeth. Let me say that took some practice to perfect, but the way Louis’ eyes glazed over made it well worth it. I only worked his jeans down far enough to be able to get his boxers out of the way before trying to swallow him down in one go.

My throat may be a little raspy tomorrow, but I’m fairly sure that’s still a thing for him; knowing that my voice is all rough and deep and marked up from his cock. I let out a moan when his hands started tugging at my curls. I stopped my movements and pulled on his hips a bit to let him know he was free to fuck my throat if he pleased.

It didn’t take long before he got the message. He started out a little more gentle than I wanted, probably still dazed at having been attacked upon his return home. But soon enough he started moving his hips at a more brutal pace.

I could say it was too much too fast, but that would be a blatant lie; I fucking loved it. I loved giving head ever since the first time I had done it with Louis and that didn’t stop at all during my slag years. In that moment I couldn’t understand how I had gone 2 and a half years without sucking cock . I liked that ache of well used muscles from having to stretch your jaw just so and the discipline required to stay relaxed and just take it. I loved every second of it.

 When I felt his muscles under my hand start trembling I knew he was about to come. I swallowed him down and just continued to work my throat muscles until my eyes were tearing up a bit from lack of oxygen and I was swallowing his cum. It was only after that, that I realized I was still painfully hard in my jeans.

Louis pulled his jeans back up and then pulled me up for a kiss. He shifted to get a better angle and caused me to let out a whimper into his mouth. I broke the kiss to lean my head on his shoulder and breath.

_“What’s the matter, Baby?”_

He shifted again, letting me have only a tease of friction that did nothing to relieve the pressure in my jeans causing me to bite his shirt to avoid releasing another whimper. He moved his hand to lightly run over my dick.

_“You’re so hard. I bet you’re only a few strokes away, you enjoyed that so much.”_

I could only nod into his shoulder.

_“I bet you could come just from sucking me off if I asked you to, my perfect little Hazza. Always so eager for me. I wasn’t even two steps into the door before you were trying to get my cock in your mouth.”_

I could feel myself blushing a bit. I didn’t have time to dwell on that for too long as his feather light touches became harder as he rubbed me through my jeans.

_“I should make you come in your jeans; wear them around the rest of the night so every time you move you can feel how cock hungry you are. You’re so turned on by a dick in your throat that you came before you could even get your jeans off.”_

My breath hitched at the mention of wearing my cum-soaked pants for the rest of the night. It should seem absolutely disgusting, and yet I wanted that. I wanted to feel dirty and used and owned in a sense.

At least that’s how I justify it to myself when Louis said, _“come for me, Harry,”_ and then latched onto my neck to leave a hickey and I shot off. After, he sat me down, and I could feel the sticky dampness as I settled into place.

That night he ordered take-away so that I had to answer the door in my dirty pants. I’m sure I was bright red and stumbling over my words a bit as I tried to talk faster so the guy could leave sooner. I probably should have felt more shame, but I had to admit I missed it. Not the cum-soaked pants, mind you, but letting someone have control. I’d been fighting so hard to regain some semblance of control after Louis had moved, that I never had a chance to let go. It felt nice to be able to hand the reins back over to someone even if it meant I had to sit in pants that chaffed a bit when I moved.

That night he made sure to rub lotion on my thighs after I cleaned off, since my skin looked a little red. It was really sweet even though it was only fair since it was his fault, but sweet nonetheless. Now if he could only anticipate my need to know what was going on with us, what we were, then everything would be perfect.

The next couple of days were fairly similar; while he was out writing with Liam, I was writing with Zayn. Then he’d come home and we’d have sex in some fashion or another. I think by now we’ve done it in every room in the apartment. One night after watching Pretty Woman I rode him on the piano bench, using the keys for leverage until my thighs were shaking and I was a whimpering mess begging him to let me come. The day after, when I was working with Zayn, I couldn’t look him in the eye while I was sitting on said bench.

It was even worse when everyone decided to make bro night a regular occurrence. I didn’t mind hanging out with the boys and I felt like it meant he wanted me to be part of his life outside of sex and bearding, but we still haven’t talked yet so this is only my best guess and potentially wishful thinking. The problem occurred after the boys got there.

I should first explain Louis has a four-section couch. Niall and Zayn were sitting on the right half of the couch, then Louis which left only one real spot left on the couch. When Liam arrived he eyed the spot but started walking for the arm chair instead assuming the last of the couch was probably reserved for me. That is until Louis decided to change the seating arrangement.

_“Hey, Li! I haven’t seen you in forever! Come sit next to me.”_

“I saw you earlier today.” Liam replied.

_“Yes, but that was work so it doesn’t count.”_

**“I was going to sit there?”** It accidently came out as more of a question and was a little too fast spoken. Liam just squinted a bit looking between the two of us.

_“Don’t be silly, Haz. You can sit in my lap.”_

When I couldn’t come up with a response, Liam went and sat down, which would be fine but… The thing is I didn’t really want that spot, I just didn’t want anyone else to sit there. See, Louis had come home early to ‘help me set up’ for bro night. It ended up with him fucking me over the arm of the couch and me coming all over the edge cushion, where Liam was now sitting. And I couldn’t get the stain out; so I had flipped the cushion over in a last ditch effort to hide it.

Louis was being an absolute shit by having Liam sit there. He may not pay attention to some things, but he remembers everything that could potentially get me flustered. So Liam is sitting on the sex cushion. I grabbed everyone drinks and went to take my seat in Louis’ lap. I just let the conversation flow past me and only contributed now and then. I was a little more worried about what Louis was going to do; I knew he was just biding his time until he did something.

I went and got the door when the pizza guy got here. I was eternally grateful it wasn’t the same guy who had delivered to us when I was fucked out and cum-soaked. Dinner went fine with us stealing bites off of each other’s pizza. Niall cooed at us.

“Look at how domestic you two are! It’s like our little Louis’ all growed up!” Niall said.

“Typically, the only time he’s this calm is when he’s pulling off a prank…” Liam started. “Why did you want me to sit here, Louis?” Liam sounded suddenly suspicious.

_“I already told you, I wanted to sit next to my Lili. Lilo 4eva!!!”_

I guess Liam figured out Louis would never give him a straight answer, so he turned to me.

“Harry, why did Louis want me to sit here?”

 **“Well, uh- you see—“** I couldn’t lie to him. I always felt terrible about lying and Louis, the evil bastard, was using it against me. **“Are you sure you want to know?”**

Niall started cracking up and Liam got this confused look on his face.

“I don’t understand? What am I missing?”

“They had sex there, Liam.” Zayn said bluntly.

I could feel the heat as every inch of skin attempted to turn bright red.

_“Don’t worry I didn’t fuck him there.”_

Liam let out a premature sigh of relief.

 _“I fucked him over the arm where your leaning and he blew his load all over the cushion you’re sitting on.”_ Louis said with a smile.

Liam jumped up like his ass was on fire. I thought Niall was going to stop breathing, he was laughing so hard. Zayn was holding back a bit of a chuckle and shrugged his shoulders like what can you do. I was hoping a hole would open up and swallow me up, but since that didn’t seem like it was going to happen anytime soon, I tried to curl up as small as possible and bury my head in Louis’ neck.

_“Don’t worry, Liam, we flipped the couch cushion.”_

“That doesn’t make me feel any better!”

_“Come sit back down. Harry cleaned it off. It’s okay.”_

“No! I am not sitting down on that sex couch!”

 _“Suit yourself.”_ I felt Louis shrug his shoulders.

Liam sat on the floor and threw some disgusted glances at the couch every now and then. Poor guy was probably going to be scarred for life. Otherwise conversation returned to normal, and after a while I calmed down enough to face them again and got up to grab another round of drinks. I returned to Louis’ lap after everyone was taken care of.

“Awe you two are so cute!” Niall said, “All domesticated.”

“No doubt he’s the best beard you’ve had,” Liam said, probably as a joke. I hope.

_“Well there’s nothing like a rekindled flame to make bearding easier.”_

And that was it. I felt myself shrink up a bit. Was I still just a beard to him? A beard with benefits? Is that a thing? I felt defeated, because I wanted to know what we were and I guess I finally got my answer, but it wasn’t the one I wanted.

I snuggled into Louis and tried to fall asleep or at least pretended I was falling asleep. I didn’t really feel like talking anymore. I don’t know how long it took, but I eventually fell asleep in his lap. My head may still be processing what this means, but the rest of me still felt safe enough to lie asleep, vulnerable in his arms.

That’s probably the best way to describe us; I’m completely vulnerable, waiting, always waiting for him to make a move. I’m just glad I found out we were only fuck buddies before he became an even more integral part of my life again.

I woke up, well I didn’t really wake up it was more like that hazy half awake thing where I was kinda aware, but mostly asleep, when Louis shifted me so he could pick me up. I guess it was his turn to carry me to bed since I carried him last bro night.

I woke up in the morning when I felt Louis get up so he could go work; I remembered the comment about being a beard and decided I didn’t feel like getting up and making us breakfast like I normally did. Besides, he shouldn’t get too used to the home cooked meals. Cooking for the client wasn’t on the list of a beard’s responsibilities. I got a kiss on the forehead and a ‘see ya later, Babe’ before he walked out the door.

I could tell Zayn knew something was off when he came to work, but he just let me work. Songwriting was therapeutic for me. It wasn’t about what I’m feeling now, because I’m not feeling heartbroken. I feel disappointed. I was hoping for so much more. I never realized how bright the torch still burned for our past relationship.

Although I’m still gone for him, I’m not as deluded as I was previously. I will always hope for more, but realistically I will have to be happy with what I get from him. Though there is still a part of me that can only hope he asks me to stay before the summer’s up.

Writing was helping me stay sane. Sitting around and writing about heartbreak was surprisingly uplifting for me. This song was helping to heal the wounds from when Louis moved away. I’ll always have scars, but I don’t have to feel agony every time I poke at them. Finally putting into words how much less of a whole I felt like allowed me to air out the emotions I’ve never shared.

This daily bit of venting let me retain my façade whenever Louis came home. I’d like to say he noticed there was something off about me, but I’d prefer not to lie anymore than I already am. He seemed to be pulling away and while we had been having sex all the time, we barely touch each other except for a couple of pecks here and there and when we’d sleep, we couldn’t help but end up curled up together.

Zayn kept me sane. While I became more and more worried about my relationship, my confidence in my self increased. My personal life may go to hell, but I was damn well going to produce a good song with Zayn. I owed him that after he had to listen to me whine about Louis on more than one occasion.

~Louis’ POV~

Our honeymoon phase was officially over. I noticed it a bit after the last bro night. It was fun while it lasted, but now I can feel Harry pull back. I think he’s lonely. Before, we were flying high on the start of a new relationship and the feeling of being reunited after too long was enough to keep him happy. I feel bad for being gone from home all the time, but I have to work. This album has to get done even though I’d rather be home with him I have to write.

Poor Liam had to put up with me.

 _“Liam,”_ I whined, not for the first or last time.

“Yes?” He replied, only half paying attention.

_“Do you think Harry is bored?”_

“Why would you think that?”

_“Because, Li, I leave him home alone all the time with nothing to do! Who wouldn’t be bored?”_

“Not everyone is you, Lou.”

_“Yeah, but he doesn’t even have his massive collection of books with him like he did when we were in Chicago.”_

“He could have a Nook or Kindle for all you know.”

_“But he’s home alone, hours on end. Books can’t entertain you for that long… Can they?”_

“Why don’t you ask him what he likes to do?”

_“Because, you know how bad that would make me look? We’ve been together forever, I should know what types of activities he enjoys.”_

“It’s also been almost five years, people’s hobbies change.”

_“He’s bookish, like you. What do you like to do?”_

“Why?”

_“Because I want to surprise him with something to show I’m paying attention.”_

“Do you really think asking me what I like is going to help?”

_“Actually, no… You’re tastes are too far off.”_

Liam was definitely no help when it came to this stuff, especially since he still had his reservations when it came to me and Harry being together. I decided to text Niall instead.

_L: Hey Niall!_

N: Do you need me to play some tunes for you guys?

_L: Not today. Maybe tomorrow._

N: Then what’s up?

_L: I think Harry’s bored. I think I want to get him something._

N: Get him a Segway

_L: What?_

N: A Segway. The thing I love to ride around when we’re on tours.

_L: You think I should get him a Segway?_

N: They’re tons of fun and could keep him entertained for hours.

_L: Thanks Nialler._

N: Does this mean I’m going to have a Segway buddy?!?!?!? We could have races down the halls!

_L: No. I’m not getting him a Segway but thanks. You’re more helpful than Liam._

I decided I was going to text the last person I could ask

_L: Hey Zayn!_

Z: Hi

_L: Zaynie-poo what do you do all day while me and Li are writing?_

Z: Why?

_L: I want to get Harry something so he isn’t bored while he’s in the apartment all day_

Z: Why are you asking me?

_L: Liam’s no help and Niall said get him a Segway. Then I remembered you know Harry better than both of them so you could help._

Z: Wouldn’t it be easier to just ask Harry if he wants something

_L: Silly Zayn, that would ruin the surprise._

Z: Well don’t ask me what he wants, I wouldn’t know

_L: You are no help._

“Who were you texting?” Liam asked?

_“Niall and Zayn.”_

“And their advice was?”

_“Niall told me to get Harry a Segway.”_

“He’s seriously obsessed.”

_“I wasn’t finished. Zayn said he didn’t have any idea so I guess project Harry’s Surprise is a solo mission. Now if you don’t mind I am going to do research while you try and decide what you don’t like about this song. Yell at me when you’ve figured it out!”_

I headed out of Liam’s workroom and into his living room. I sat on his couch and booted up my laptop. I started searching the web for something to get Harry. Sometimes I stayed over at Liam’s later so I could shop without the risk of Harry appearing over my shoulder. It took me a week to find something I was sure Harry would be happy to get. Another bro’s night came and went before I was finally able to get my hands on the perfect gift.

I took a day off from working with Liam in order to go pick it up; that way I could leave with Harry none-the-wiser Liam was muttering about how it wasn’t a good idea; I thought he was just a spoilsport. Zayn, at least, was being helpful. He had helped make phone calls while I was tracking it down. Decent friend, he was. He also promised to play interference if Harry decided to come looking for me. Harry hadn’t ever looked for me during the day, but I didn’t want anything to ruin the surprise.

So early one Monday morning in the middle of June, I headed off to finally pick it up with Harry none the wiser.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long!!! If you haven't been in the comments, let me just tell you I would've gotten this done sooner but my Grandpa died and so I got a bit behind in school so now everything's all dandy again so new chapter! Yay!!! As usual, comments and kudos are always appreciated. :D


	10. Chapter Nine

~Harry’s POV~

I was sitting at home when I got a text from Zayn saying he had to work with Liam today, so we couldn’t work on the song. I didn’t really mind, I had been meaning to get some cleaning and stuff done. Truth be told, I had been wanting to go on a cleaning binge for a while now. It allows me to feel useful. I have set tasks and finishing them allows me to feel accomplished.

In reality, this didn’t take me more than a half day. I had been pretty good about keeping things tidy and Louis’ gone so much, he doesn’t have time to really clutter his apartment. Now’s not the time to be thinking about him though. I did some laundry and had to force myself to actually sort it. He has a tendency to steal my clothes on occasion and after going to Australia, I had stopped bothering to maintain separate closets. As I reorganized our clothes I may have found myself muttering ‘I’m just a beard; our clothes don’t really belong together’. On the surface it looks like one wardrobe, but if one looks closer it’s easy to see the distinct separation.

When I had nothing left to do, I started working on _Half a Heart_ as Zayn and I had decided to call it. Just because he couldn’t be here, doesn’t mean I couldn’t keep working. I was startled from my song zone, as Zayn has dubbed my thinking mode, when I heard a key in the lock. I quickly scrambled to gather all my notes and things before hiding them in the piano bench. Luckily, I was able to close the lid right as he walked in.

_“Good afternoon, my dear Hazza!”_

**“Hello. You’re home early.”**

_“Yes, well I have a surprise so close your eyes.”_

**“Really, Lou?”**

_“Yes, really. Now shut them.”_

I rolled my eyes before closing them. Obviously, there was no arguing with him. He was going to damn well surprise me and there was nothing I could do about it.

I heard him shuffling and the clang of something tapping the doorframe and Louis letting out a soft sorry. It was weird because he normally doesn’t apologize to inanimate objects. He normally cusses them out for being in the way. I heard him place something on the coffee table.

_“Okay. You can open them now.”_

I looked at the coffee table and there was some kind of animal carrier. I opened the door to find a little kitten inside. The poor thing look a little scared, probably a little rattled from when she met the door.

**“Hey, kitty. Do you wanna come out?”**

I made some cooing noise and the cat wandered away from the corner enough so I could pick it up. After I got a good look, I noticed she was a she. She was a pretty off-white color with grey ears, socks, tail, and a mask. She also had the prettiest blue eyes. She was absolutely adorable!

_“She is a Blue Point Balinese, related to the Siamese breed. I thought she’d be a good fit for you.”_

I could hear the undertones to what he said: I picked out this cat specifically for you. I rubbed my face in her soft fur so I could regroup and avoid letting him know how much this meant to me. She’s so precious. I wonder what’s going to happen to her when I leave…

 _“So what’s her name?”_ I was startled from my thoughts.

**“You want me to name her?”**

_“Of course. You know how shit I am with naming things. Like the one time with my fish fluffy.”_

He had named it fluffy because everyone should have a pet named fluffy at some point, apparently. Well, really he couldn’t come up with an actual name so he called it fluffy.

 **“Yes. Poor fluffy. Then your sisters thought it was fuzzy so they tried to pet it and then it spontaneously learned how to perform a backstroke.”** Or at least we told the girls it was practicing its backstroke. We didn’t have the heart to tell them they killed fluffy.

_“Which is why you are naming her and not me.”_

I sat and stared at her for a while thinking about a name, while Louis came and sat in front of me. Then I finally blurted out the perfect name for her.

**“Persephone.”**

Ah the kidnap of Persephone. Kidnap being relative. Some people say Hades kidnapped her. Some say she wanted to be there—something along the lines of teenage rebellion. Either way, it is apt for this situation. I’m here for the summer and that’s it. At the end of the day, I’m going to have to go back to Chicago when my contract ends because that’s all this is for Louis. I took a bite of the forbidden fruit and it only granted me a certain amount of time.

_“What?”_

**“I want to name her Persephone.”**

_“Isn’t she is some tragic Greek thingy?”_

**“Yes.”**

_“Really, Greek?”_

**“Did you want me to name her after someone from Peter Pan? Like Tiger Lily?”** I was attempting to make a point but it backfired.

_“Yeah. I mean it even has the cat reference in it!”_

I looked up from the kitten to roll my eyes at him.

 **“I like the name Persephone. Don’t you?”** I asked her. **“And we can call you Sephie for short.”**

She let out a mewl in response and I grinned because it was so adorable.

**“See, she agrees.”**

_“Are you positive. I mean-“_

I silenced him with a look.

 _“Persephone it is.”_ He said, and then leaned forward to give me a kiss. Sephie let out a sound of protest at getting squished. I apologized and turned my attention back to the ball of fluff that looked so small in my hands.

**“Aren’t you just a cute little sweetheart? I bet you’re going to be spoiled rotten. A purrfect little princess.”**

She seemed to agree with me.

I looked up from her and realized something.

**“Lou, when you got her did you get anything else?”**

_“I got her and the crate.”_ Naturally he didn’t think of anything else a cat may need.

 **“You’re Papa is silly, isn’t he?”** I asked her. **“He got you, but nothing else!”**

I turned back to him and he had a weird expression on his face. Then I realized what I called him and started cursing at myself. Things like Dad and Papa are domestic relationship things and we don’t have that. I can’t believe that slipped out. I hope it will just go away if I pretend it never happened.

**“We need to go pick her up a litter box and some food and dishes. We probably need a brush and some toys too.”**

_“Okay. We can head out now if you want?”_

I nodded my head in agreement and put her back in her crate. I didn’t want her loose while we were gone, just to be safe. I went upstairs to change into some jeans and throw on some socks. When we were halfway to the pet store I finally realized what I was wearing. Let’s hope my mother didn’t see me in this.

I would probably get a lecture on how to dress properly for photos. Ratty tank tops with arm holes that extend all the way down the sides and makeshift headbands made from fabric strips don’t count as proper wear. Or she’d give me a lecture about my boots. I may have told her I had thrown these boots away months ago. I hadn’t because they’re comfy and perfectly broken in, so why would I get rid of them. They aren’t that bad, just a wee bit worn.

Once we got there, I assigned Louis to push the cart. I knew if I gave him free reign he would bring terror upon the poor store. I headed straight to the cat section, grabbing a litter box then debating what kind of litter to get. There were so many types and brands. That wasn’t as bad as picking out the food, though. Louis got easily distracted by the packaging, so I finally sent him off to go pick out cat toys so I could think without him distracting me.

I finally made a decision on a brand and went to pick out some food and water bowls before looking for him. I found him talking with some little girl asking her what kind of cat toys he should get. She looked lost for words and I decided to try and rescue her.

I walked up to Lou, throwing my arm around his shoulder and pressed a quick kiss to his temple. It was a beards job to do things like that, right? He automatically wrapped one of his arms around my waist. My plan backfired a bit though. While it had distracted Louis from her, she started freaking out about the two of us being together.

She started saying her friends wouldn’t believe she actually ran into us. Apparently Louis’ in her favorite band and we’re her favorite celebrity couple. I didn’t know how else to respond so I offered for her to take a picture with us. We were going to split apart so she could stand between us, but she insisted we be together.

After the picture, we got some toys and headed off before word could spread that we were there. It’s not that I don’t like his fans; it’s more that mobs of them scare me. I got everything set up when we got back and made sure everything was set up and I showed her where the litter box and food and water bowl was so she could find them.

I was laying on my stomach on the floor, just waiting for her to come to me. She pranced around me for ten minutes before she finally came over and touched her nose to mine. I heard the telltale sound of a photo being taken and saw Louis on his phone. I raised my eyebrows at him.

_“You two look so adorable together, so I thought I’d share your adorableness with the world.”_

I smiled at him and went back to paying attention to her, while internally I was bleeding. This was just another publicity thing. Getting pets was domestic, the perfect thing for couples who have been together for years. What better way to say we care about each other than through the bond of taking care of another life?

**“Louis, why don’t you come join me?”**

I could tell he was indulging me, but I wanted the two of them to bond too. I was sitting with my legs out when she finally crawled into my lap. She started purring while I was petting her. I tried scooting towards Louis so he could join in on the cuddle. He reached over to pet her and she contorted away from him. She kept moving in any way possible to avoid him.

 _“She doesn’t like me!”_ He pouted.

**“She just met you. She’ll get used to you. She probably just thinks you’re the scary man who knocked her into the wall. You’ll hit it off soon enough.”**

 I returned my focus to Sephie, and played with her a bit before tiring her out. I had my head in Louis lap while he stroked through my hair and she slept on my chest in a last ditch effort to get them to bond. He took another picture with my finger over my lips saying ‘sh she’s sleeping.’ Needless to say, I love my Persephone even if they’re getting off to a rough start.

Apparently the tweets started pouring in after that picture. I think we broke the Larry shippers. He got #mykittens trending worldwide, because apparently I was also his kitten. He got comments raging from how adorable we were, to people threatening to spontaneously combust because of feels, or even someone pointing out how close my head was to his dick and the many ways I could say thank you for my cat.

Poor Zayn had to put up with me the next day. I almost tackled him when he got through the door the next day.

**“Zayn! Zayn! I got a cat! Isn’t she cute? Her names Persephone, or Sephie for short.”**

“She is adorable.”

**“You should’ve seen her last night. You know how Louis’ bed is high?”**

He nodded.

**“Well she decided she wanted to come cuddle with us last night, so I put the box next to the bed so she could get up. She absolutely refused to use the box! I think she has a little bit of her Papa’s stubbornness, but don’t tell him I said that, they haven’t exactly hit it off yet.”**

“I see.”

Persephone decided to help us write the song, helpfully chatting when I’d ask her a question about a lyric. And when I’d play on the piano she’d bat at the strings. Sometimes she’d sit in my lap and I’d like to think she’s learning the scales. I’ve always wanted a cat, but I never thought it’d make me this happy.

That makes me sound like a crazy cat lady, doesn’t it? Though that’s where I’m headed if I’m being honest. Because getting a pet seems domestic, but Louis always protests when I say I can’t budge over and cuddle because of Sephie.

 It’s funny because she’s started trying to sleep between us, but she’s figured out Louis is a comfier pillow than I am. She sneaks onto him as soon as he passes out, because when they’re dead tired is the only time they’ll ever admit to liking each other. But I guess I’m glad they like each other, even if they won’t admit it. That way they’ll still have each other when I leave.

A little over a week after we got her, she figured out how to get onto my shoulder. I thought it was just a one-off, but then she spent most of the day riding on my shoulder when she wasn’t napping or playing with our music sheets. I was so excited about it that I was almost yelling when Louis got home.

**“Louis! Lou! Lewis! Look what Sephie did!!”**

I bent down so she could jump onto my shoulder.

**“Isn’t she absolutely adorable!”**

_“Yeah. Adorable.”_ His voice sounded a little clipped.

**“Is everything alright?”**

_“Of course. Everything’s peachy. I am in a competition for attention against a cat and I am losing by a landside.”_ He sneered.

Maybe that was because Sephie and I have a relationship and I’m just his beard. But there was no way I was going to say that out loud. I felt her but her head against mine and instantly reached up to start scratching her head.

_“That’s exactly what I mean!”_

**“Louis, you’re being irrational.”**

_“I am not! That cat is a devious thing, plotting to steal you from me.”_

**“She’s a cat.”** I said slowly.

_“That doesn’t mean she can’t manipulate you.”_

**“I’m not going to talk to you when you’re being like this.”**

I started putting on my shoes and grabbing my keys.

_“Where are you going?”_

**“I’m going to Zayn’s. While I’m gone, you two are going to settle your differences.”** I picked Persephone off my shoulder and gave her a little nuzzle before setting her on the floor.

_“I am not talking with a cat!”_

**“You are, and I am not coming back until you do.”**

I walked out slamming the door behind me.

~Louis’ POV~

 _“Yeah well I’m—“_ I couldn’t finish my threat before he slammed the door, not that I really had anything to threaten him with.

I looked at the cat.

 _“This is all your fault.”_ I told her.

She just huffed at me like it was all _my_ fault he had walked out the door.

_“Yeah well nyeh to you too.”_

She turned around and left. I assumed she was copying Harry in saying I was ridiculous.

_“Well two can play at this game!”_

I walked into the kitchen, figuring I would grab something to eat. As soon as I opened my fridge I realized I had a problem. Harry could cook, which isn’t typically a problem because he cooks for us all the time, but I can’t cook. Thus, at Harry’s insistence the fridge is full of all fresh food, nothing that’s easily microwavable or that can just be popped into the oven.

 _“Damn it!”_ I yelled out of frustration. Now, not only was that cat stealing my boyfriend from me, but she’s also stealing my food. Kind of…

I decided to go sit on the couch. I mean Harry wouldn’t really stay away that long… would he?

I sat there for about an hour watching tv before I gave up and threw together a salad. And by that I mean I poured some salad into a bowl out of the container of previously chopped vegetables Harry keeps in the fridge. I grumbled at myself while I viciously stabbed my salad before shoving it in my mouth.

When it started getting late I headed off to bed, thinking Harry would join me when he came back. When I woke up and his side of the bed was still empty I realized he wasn’t joking about his threat. He still hadn’t come home and now this cat was batting at me. She was probably hungry. I glared at her and she just batted at my nose. There was no way in hell I was going to admit it was cute.

I walked downstairs and it took me ten minutes to figure out where Harry kept the food bowls and whatnot. Then I had to figure out how much to feed her. I struggled with that for another ten minutes while she meowed impatiently at my feet. Once she was fed, I started looking through the cabinets for something I could eat. I was glad I could still find some cereal in the cupboards. Nobody had to know it was stale.

I spent half the day sitting on the couch thinking I could outwait Harry before finally giving up. I had nothing to do since Liam was visiting his family over an extended weekend. I could just lie and text Harry saying we had ‘talked’ but that damn cat would probably rat me out as soon as he got home. I let out a sigh before finally going in search of the cat.

I found her sleeping on top of the piano.

 _“Okay, we need to talk.”_ I felt stupid for doing this.

She perked up like she was actually listening, though.

_“We have a problem. You’re always getting between me and Harry and that is not okay. You get to have him all day while I’m out working so I deserve to get him when I get home.”_

She looked at me like why should I?

_“Because if we seem to get along, Harry will be happy.”_

She looked at me skeptically.

_“And if we agree then Harry will come home.”_

She seemed to agree with me so I took it as a cue to text Harry to come home.

~Meanwhile~

~Harry’s POV~

Louis was being such a prick! I couldn’t stand it, which is why I had left him to go stay over at Zayn’s. Worst case scenario, we could get some work done on the song after I bitched about Louis for a good hour or so.

I knocked on Zayn’s door.

“Hey, Harry! Are you alright?”

It was then I realized I had never gone to Zayn’s before. I felt like a terrible friend.

**“I am a terrible person.”**

“Why is that?”

**“I’ve never just come over here before. I’ve known you for two months and I’ve never been to your place before.”**

“Well would you like to come in now?” he was half-smiling and half plain confused.

**“Yes, please.”**

He gave me the grand tour of the place. I tried to pay attention, but I was still fairly distracted by the fight.

“So what really brings you here?”

**“Me and Louis had a fight.”**

“About what?”

**“Sephie. He’s jealous of the cat and it’s ridiculous and petty so I just left until he could get his shit together.”**

“Isn’t getting a pet supposed to bring a couple together?”

**“And therein lies the problem. Haven’t you heard? We aren’t a couple, I’m just a beard with benefits.”**

“Is that what Louis told you?”

**“That’s what he said when we had you guys over.”**

“He was probably just making a joke.”

**“Yeah, but that’s all he’s said about the us thing so it’s not like I have any reason for thinking he feels differently. Yes he got a cat, which tends to be a sign of a relationship. But Sephie’s not _our_ cat, she’s _my_ cat. I love her to bits, but I get the feeling she’s more of a present so he doesn’t feel guilty for leaving me alone all the time. We both know Louis doesn’t think far enough ahead to realize the long term commitment of pets. She’s there so he can feel like a good person, not as a relationship milestone.”**

“A relationship milestone?”

**“Like first date, first kiss, officially going out, moving in, etc. Not that we even have a relationship worthy of milestones, what with the dick move he pulled when he just flat out cut me from his life. The only reason he needs me now is because he slipped up and our video got leaked. Otherwise, I’d probably never have heard from him again.”**

“Are you okay?”

 **“I’m just frustrated. He takes every little thing for granted. I cook. I clean. I am taking care of the cat, not that I mind because I love her and I love being domestic but it just makes everything so complicated. I. But, he just never says thank you. He’s never appreciative that I’m there. He’s going to have a rude awakening when I—“** I was about to say leave but Zayn didn’t need to know this yet. I didn’t want him getting in the middle of this mess.

 **“You know what? Never mind. Can we just work on the song?”** I sighed.

“Don’t you think Louis’ going to come get you?”

**“If there’s one thing I can always count on, it’s Louis being a stubborn dick. He won’t be showing up tonight.”**

“If you’re sure?”

**“I’m sure.”**

This fight with Louis had been convenient albeit frustrating, if I wanted to be optimistic which I didn’t but whatever. Zayn had booked us some studio time for Monday, and I had wanted to look over the song at least one more time before then. These few edits turned into us working late into the night, so itsounded polished.

 I ended up crashing in one of Zayn’s guest rooms. I told him I’d be fine on the couch, but he insisted. I didn’t really sleep much; my brain was too busy replaying our argument over and over. I woke up early and made breakfast as a thank you for Zayn letting me crash at his place. He let me borrow his shower and a set of clothes, since I didn’t know when I’d be going back to the apartment.

It was almost lunchtime when I finally got a text from Louis saying he’d made an agreement with the cat. I guess his need for food outweighed his pride in this case. I told Zayn thank you again and I’d see him Monday.

I walked into the door of the apartment and had barely put my keys down when I felt Sephie rubbing up against my leg. I picked her up and put her on my shoulder when I saw Louis walk in. He gave me a once over and clearly recognized Zayn’s clothing.

 _“Aww, you trying to make me jealous, Babe? If you are it just might be working.”_ He said as he walked in.

**“Seriously Lou?”**

_“What?”_

**“We just fought and you’re joking about me in Zayn’s clothes when a little over a month ago you were calling me a whore for getting papped with Grimmy.”**

_“Calm down, Hazza. It was just a joke.”_

**“Of course it’s just a joke. Why on earth _should_ I have taken you seriously?”** I said forcing myself to sound slightly calmer.

Everything with him was a joke. It made it hard to figure out what the hell was going on, but I decided to let it go. There was no point in getting mad, I don’t know why I ever let myself think there was anything between us again for him to take seriously. And any fight I started would be pointless. I would just be arguing with myself, which would be a complete waste of time.

 **“Did you two at least make peace while I was gone?”** He was watching me warily.

_“We seem to have reached an agreement.”_

**“Good.”**

_“Now, how about some make-up sex to soothe my damaged ego?”_ He walked up and put his hands on my hips.

**“How about some lunch to calm your growling tummy?”**

_“A better idea! But don’t think I won’t claim that sex later.”_

The rest of the weekend was better, but the fight was never brought up. It was like it never happened except he seemed to glare at Sephie a little less. I made sure to cuddle with him, but in a way so she could join us if she wanted.

Sunday night I was full of nerves making it harder to sleep. I tried my best to hide it and luckily Louis hadn’t noticed anything. The next morning Zayn and I were going to record in the studio. I was playing the piano backtrack for the song and I was freaking out. I hadn’t been able to practice the piano part since we had finished the song. Louis had been home all weekend giving me no time to sneak in a bit of piano practice.

I mean it wasn’t a huge deal since we were just recording a demo, but all of the boys and their company would be using the demo to decide whether or not our song was good enough. I was also paranoid someone would figure out I was playing piano in the background and that I had helped Zayn write the song. I tried to get as much sleep as possible, but I still had some dark circles under my eyes come morning.

As soon as Louis was out the door, I waited fifteen minutes to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything before heading out to meet Zayn. We didn’t have that much of a problem getting into the studio seeing as the fans weren’t expecting the boys to be out and about. Zayn found someone to work the controls while we were in the booth. I was a little worried he might tell someone, but Zayn assured me he’d be discreet.

The first couple of takes I fumbled a little, still getting used to the keyboard and being recorded as well as just being nervous. I finally relaxed enough to play consistently so we could fiddle a little with Zayn’s vocals. Before I knew it, we were walking out of the studio with a copy of the demo in hand.

Zayn had given me a copy even though I told him I couldn’t take it. He said I should have it since I pretty much wrote the song. That silenced me. I stammered out a thank you as I took the cd and tried not to blush.

About five minutes into the drive he started up a conversation.

“Have you given any thought to recording your own stuff?”

**“Not really. I’ve never really finished any song I’ve started writing, and I hadn’t ever written a song down before working with you. Why?”**

“I just thought I could arrange time for you to record one if you wanted. You won’t let me give you credit, so think of this as my way of saying thanks.”

**“I don’t know…”**

“You’re good at writing and your voice is good too. You don’t have to do anything with it, I just thought you might like the opportunity to record something that’s yours.”

**“I’ll think about it.”**

“If you’re worried about Louis, don’t be. We’re going to be working together for a bit and I can always give you a heads up if he’s heading back to the apartment so you can work in peace. You don’t have to say anything now. I just thought I’d throw it out there.

**“Okay. Thanks, Zayn.”**

I didn’t know if I was going to do it or not, but it was nice that someone had enough faith in my abilities to offer.

[(Picture of Persephone here)](http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/f4/d2/08/f4d2082e0498004d9326c92dc31dcbbc.jpg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm still feeling bad about taking so long with the last chapter so here's another one! Also who wants to study for finals when there's cuteness to be written? Enjoy!


	11. Chapter Ten

~Harry’s POV~

Things have been a little tense since I fought with Louis; well at least on my part. He hasn’t noticed. Not that he’s at the apartment with me often. He’s working on songs just as before but it’s a lot different without Zayn around to keep me busy. This leaves me with far too much time alone. Sephie helps though. She is always good for a chat and her weight on my shoulder is a bit of a relief.

Tonight we have been formally invited to a movie premier with the big fancy gowns and tuxes and all that jazz. I’m not surprised management strongly insisted we go, since we haven’t gone to a huge public outing like this before. I’m just surprised it took this long before they not so subtly told us we’re going. Niall’s coming as well, Zayn and Liam opted out to do whatever it is they do.

I was shocked when Louis brought home my outfit for the premier and it was a pair of black jeans, a Burberry shirt, and a blazer. Now that I was wearing it I was still questioning if it was appropriate.

**“Louis, are you sure this is okay to wear to a premier?”**

_“For the millionth time yes. You look perfectly handsome and you’ll look even better with me.”_

I guess I just had to be grateful he hadn’t picked me out a t-shirt to wear underneath my blazer. I also made note not to take this shirt back to the U.S. with me. I think it costs more than my rent. Not to mention I’d never have a reason to wear it, adorable or not. The shirt helped me keep my head on straight, honestly. It reminded me he wasn’t the little boy who lived next door who made up games for his sisters since they couldn’t always afford to buy new games. Things have changed. Above all else I must remember that.

I was a little nervous on our way to the premier because it was a movie premier and there are press interviews at these things I think, but Louis told me I didn’t have to say anything so I felt a little bit of relief. We let Niall hit the red carpet first and I took a deep breath before getting out of the car. Louis offered me his arm and I was more than happy to grab on. There was a huge crowd of various celebrities and tons of people and paps. If nothing else he was an anchor I needed to stay steady.

We made our way down the red carpet; Louis was talking and taking pictures with some fans. We had our picture taken as a couple, him angling us towards each other. I had this nagging feeling he’s done this sort of thing before, making sure him and his date looked like a couple regardless of whether or not they actually were. I felt my mood go from overwhelmed to melancholy and tried not to let my smile drop.

We headed inside to the crowd of mingling celebrities. Louis made sure to keep a hand on my hip the whole time, the possessive little fucker. Most of the mingling was people giving each other compliments, pretty much all of ours revolved around how cute we were as a couple. I thanked them, but was secretly relieved when we all got to go settle into the theatre. That’s where we finally reunited with Niall.

I thought we would finally be able to relax in the movie theatre, but I was sorely mistaken. Louis had lifted the armrest out of the way and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, encouraging me to lean against him. It was nice, up until someone walking by commented on it. It was becoming more impossible to distinguish when he was being genuine versus when he was playing the part of loving boyfriend with every passing moment.

I was secretly relieved when it was finally over. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy the movie, I just felt watched, like people were spying to see who was making out during the movie and who seemed like they couldn’t stand each other. It was all one giant social event and it was not enjoyable. I headed straight to the shower after we returned trying to wash out all the hair gel and the feeling of eyes boring into my skin. It was about as successful as it sounded.

I had a hard time falling asleep. I couldn’t help but playing the night over and over in my head. The fact that our sex life existed had no doubt made tonight go easier, the intimacy wasn’t ever a surprise nor did I instinctively retract from him like I would have if we were…let’s say celibate. The question I had was if this was enough. Was it enough for me to have sex and some public events I could pretend were actually dates? I fell asleep before I could decide on an answer.

It only took a few more days after the movie premiere for me to start writing a song partially out of boredom but mostly to sort out my emotions. I had been sitting around just trying to process and had come to the conclusion that writing a song would be the only way I could really work through what I was feeling. I texted Zayn asking him to let me know when Louis was leaving for the day. The last thing I needed was Louis walking through the door when I was writing a song about him or for lack of a better term, us.

I sat down at the piano first. I just let my fingers roam and play random melodies as a warm up before finally trying to piece a melody together. I ended up with something fairly simple. I felt like this was going to be more about the words than the back track.

I played the simple string of notes over and over thinking about how I felt when Louis was around. There was some frustration, since everything seemed so up in the air, but I knew that wasn’t what I was going to end up writing about. I thought about the lust, which wasn’t what I was aiming for either. I ended up with quiet desperation, how I’m always watching from afar, wanting nothing more than to be with him and never leave.

The same short tune I played over and over turned into me singing don’t let me go over and over ‘cause I’m tired of sleeping alone. Which was the crux of my problem with him. I’m so tired of being alone; I don’t like sleeping alone. And yes we were sleeping in the same bed but it didn’t feel like he was there with me. I felt lonely.

I was snapped out of my thoughts with a text from Zayn warning me Louis was about to leave. I scrambled to get what little I had on paper and into the piano seat before Louis returned. Louis must have thought I looked like an idiot when he returned and I was on the couch trying to look casual and smiling, though the smile probably looked more manic than the sweet innocence I was going for.

He didn’t comment more than a raised eyebrow and I just let out a sigh of relief that he was letting it go. Sephie seemed to realize I had calmed down and came over for a cuddle. I could see Louis wasn’t super happy about that but he didn’t complain. I put her on my shoulder and headed over to the kitchen to greet him properly and start cooking dinner, my feelings temporarily forgotten. It was so easy to pretend everything was all right when he came back at night. Domesticity was a great cover to hide the uncertainty underneath.

I settled into a sort of routine after that. I would get up and make us breakfast. Then Louis would leave and I would play with Sephie a bit before settling down at the piano for a while. She found it quite fun to bat at the strings while I played. I made sure to keep her claws clipped so she didn’t do any damage, since I didn’t have the heart to stop her let alone the funds to buy Louis a new piano. She’d also talk to me about the song, in her own way. She also made sure to give me a cuddle when I got a little sad.

I tried to capture how I felt seeing him around every corner, just out of reach. I was so desperate, waiting for him to come back for me. I was waiting for any sign he wanted me back. At the same time I couldn’t help but feel I didn’t fit. His life was more glamorous now and I just…wasn’t. I thought about how I used to be willing to do anything he asked no matter how ridiculous. How that came to bite me when he didn’t keep his promises.

I thought about how I’ve just been watching, trying so hard to get him to say something. All I need is for him to say something, to notice that I’m not alright, but he doesn’t see or maybe he doesn’t care. I tried to put to music my hopeless need for him. It’s kind of sad if I think about it. I’m singing about how all I need is just one gesture, while simultaneously singing about this distance between us. All in all, he’s inescapable. I just don’t want him to let me go because I knew at this point that there just wasn’t going to be anyone else. Louis was it for me.

But the reality of it was, I couldn’t wait much longer. I waited until about a week and a half before I was supposed to leave to finally book my flight back to Chicago. I may or may not have cried a little. It just made everything feel so final. A few days later Zayn came over. I was a little surprised when he knocked on the door but it didn’t take too much to turn my look of shock into something happier.

**“Hey, Zayn! What brings you here?”**

“Louis’ got some other things to do so I have the day off. I thought I’d come see how you were doing.”

**“You know, same old same old. How’s your writing going?”**

I kind of tuned out what he was saying. I was trying to get up the courage to ask Zayn to take me to the airport next week. I wasn’t really worried about him saying no; I was more worried about the conversation that was sure to come after.

“Hey, you okay?”

**“What? Yeah, fine. I’m fine. I just have a favor to ask of you.”**

“Yeah?”

**“Well, I was wondering if you’d drop me off at the airport next week? I have to warn you it will be really early in the morning, so I understand if that’s too early I’ll just ask someone else—“**

“Harry. Two questions. One, where are you going and two, why isn’t Louis taking you?”

 **“Well, um. I’m going back to Chicago?”** I think that answers both questions.

“Oh. Has it really been that long?”

**“Yeah. Three months next week. Um…”**

“And you haven’t told Louis you’re leaving?”

**“Well, um, you see—no, not really. I haven’t said anything.”**

“What did you say when he asked what you were going to be doing?”

**“Um, I didn’t because he never asked. We’ve never talked about anything that involves the future or what we are…”**

“So you’re just leaving next week?”

**“Yes. I mean it’s not like he won’t see it coming. I’m just his beard and he should know that our contract is ending and even if he isn’t as aware of how long until he’s free of me, management will remind him or so I assume it’s their job to do these things. And since I haven’t gotten a renewal contract, well this is going to be it.”**

“Why? I mean why is the only solution to just go? What happened with the two of you that has led to this?”

**“A lot of things, to be honest. Mostly I can’t stay. I can’t sit around and pretend everything is fine when it’s not. I can’t keep ignoring that when he left me he shattered my heart into a million pieces. I can’t pretend that when he left I didn’t keep sending email after email trying desperately to get any form of acknowledgement from him. I can’t ignore that at one point I begged him to just dump me already because six months of radio silence was killing me.**

**I can’t forget that I was so desperate for attention after being stonewalled I ended up as a guys booty call, when I thought he was my boyfriend. I can’t pretend that I wasn’t a complete slut for a year and a half or so because between Louis and that other guy I had no sense of self worth and sex was the only way I felt like I had some sort of power. Being able to get someone’s attention by a certain sway of the hips and figuring out exactly which buttons to press to get them into a bed or, more often, a bathroom stall was the only way I could feel like I wasn’t completely worthless. I’d love the attention and high at the moment but it always left me physically and mentally worn out.**

**After that I had almost completely screwed up my college career because I spent more time at sleezy bars than in class but I was finally able to snap out of it and turn my focus away from whoring around and throw myself into school. I turned into that kid that was always studying. I had no social life and no friends to speak of because I had only ever needed Louis and couldn’t function socially without him.**

**I can’t stay because Louis doesn’t know any of it. He hasn’t asked, he hasn’t even acknowledged that we have a history. He doesn’t realize how bad everything was after he left. I know he did it to spare me a long distance relationship, and I can’t be mad at him for it, but I can’t move forward either. I can’t pretend none of this ever happened. He may be able to ignore it, but I can’t seem to move past it. As much as I want to move past those years, they are as much a part of our relationship as when we were together.**

**But we don’t have a relationship, so we don’t talk about any of that. All that matters is he has a public date and a fuck at the end of the day. I can’t do that anymore. I can’t sit by him all the time and hope one day he’ll realize I was right there all along. I took my chance and it obviously hasn’t paid off. So now, I need to go. Maybe so I can get some kind of closure, more likely so that he finally has a chance to date and find someone he’s willing to take a chance on…”**

“Shit. That’s… wow.”

I attempted some sort of facial expression and ended up with more of a grimace than anything else. I sat and pet Persephone while he processed this information. I knew it would take some time to grasp the bomb I had dropped on him.

~Louis’ POV~

I had woken up that morning and groaned. Today was the day I had a meeting with management. While I knew I hadn’t done anything to piss them off, I still wasn’t sure why I was meeting with them. I rolled out of bed and went downstairs where Harry was making breakfast. It wasn’t too long until I was out the door and on my way to their offices.

They made me wait, as usual. It seemed to be their way of saying they still had some power over their clients. I just rolled my eyes at their theatrics and played some games on my phone. When the secretary came to get me I made a show of stretching out and taking as much time as possible to get up and head to their office.

“Good day, Mr. Tomlinson.” One of the team greeted when I arrived.

 _“Hello.”_ I replied.

“Please have a seat.” They said as if I wasn’t already collapsing back into the chair.

_“So what is this meeting for anyway?”_

“Straight to the point, as usual. We have called you here to discuss Mr. Styles.”

_“What about Harry?”_

“Well, his contract is about to expire and we were wondering what you were planning on doing. If you would like to renew, we need to draw up drafts. If you plan on discontinuing we need to get press release statements ready.”

_“Well, it would seem I have saved you some trouble.”_

“Is that so?”

_“Harry and I are dating so you don’t need to draw up a contract or a press release.”_

“Are you sure?”

_“Absolutely.”_

“Once you decide to go through with this Mr. Styles will be your responsibility. Any and all actions will come down on you.”

_“I understand.”_

“Do you really? Any and all breaches of decorum will come down on you. Privacy is rare in this industry and you could risk all sorts of secrets spread. Nothing is sacred. Are you absolutely positive you want to take a risk on a boy you’ve only been dating maybe two months?”

 _“I do.”_ What a stupid question. We had a history worth much more than two months.

“Okay.”

A few hours and a long lecture about common decency and what was required of an “official Second Star WAG” and I got to finally leave. I decided to head over to Liam’s when I got back to the building. I needed to relax before Harry caught on that I had a meeting with management. He didn’t need to be worrying about it.

I walked straight into Liam’s apartment.

_“Hey, Li!”_

“Hi, Lou. I didn’t know you were coming over today, did I?”

_“No. I just got back from meeting with management and thought I’d come see you and try to calm down.”_

“What did they want?” He sounded surprised. He had every right, normally if one of us was in trouble they’d bring all four of us in for a stern lecture.

_“They wanted to talk about Harry.”_

“What about Harry?”

_“They wanted to know if I was going to renew his contract.”_

“What did you tell them?”

_“I said there was no need for a contract since we were actually dating.”_

“Are you sure you wanted to do that. I mean I know you’ve been dating, but are you sure you want to take such a serious step this early in your relationship?”

_“Relax, Li. I’ve known Harry practically my whole life. I trust him.”_

“I know you used to know him, but are you sure you can truly trust him? You did spend the last four and a half years apart. A lot can happen in that time.”

**“Don’t worry so much, Lili. Everything will be fine.”**

“If you say so.”

~Harry’s POV~

Eventually Zayn asked what I’d been doing to keep busy. He probably figured I was emotionally torturing myself all day long and he wasn’t really wrong.

 **“Actually, I finally finished a song. I even wrote it down and everything.”** I joked.

“Can I hear it or is it just for you?”

**“You can hear it. Just give me a minute to get everything together.”**

“Okay.”

I headed over to the piano and set up the music. This was it. I was finally sharing this part of me that has long been aching for Louis, but never believes he’ll come back to me. I started playing the intro. Then I began to sing

 **** _“Now you were standing there right in front of me_  
I hold on, it’s getting harder to breathe  
All of the sudden these lights are blinding me  
I never noticed how bright they would be”

This was how the summer started, me trying to hold onto him and myself. Being blinded by lights and attention. Having to share him with the world and realizing he was someone else.

 **** _“I saw in the corner there is a photograph_  
No doubt in my mind it’s a picture of you  
It lies there alone in it’s bed of broken glass  
This bed was never made for two”

When I was back in my dorm I had a picture of him. It got broken after I came back drunk one night and decided to throw it at a wall out of frustration and anger. Surprisingly the glass cracked but didn’t actually break. The story of our connection: unbreakable yet we don’t fit together.

**_“I’ll keep my eyes wide open  
I’ll keep my arms wide open”_ **

I’ll keep waiting for a sign, for anything really.

 **** _“Don’t let me_  
Don’t let me  
Don’t let me go  
‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone

****_Don’t let me_  
Don’t let me go  
‘Cause I’m tired of feeling alone” 

This is how I feel regardless of anything else. I don’t want him to let go of me. Ever. I’m tired of being all by myself.

**_“I promised one day I’d bring you back a star  
I caught one and it burned a hole in my hand”_ **

The promise I’d never forget him and always love him even after he moved this has come back to haunt me. I still love him desperately, but it’s a double-edged sword when I promised not to forget him and it’s rendered me incapable of moving on.

****_“It seems like these days I watch you from afar_  
Just trying to make you understand  
I’ll keep my eyes wide open, yeah” 

There was nothing I could do but stand back and watch and hope he’ll do something. I’m waiting for anything.

After that is a bunch of don’t let me go’s and I’m tired of being alone. That was pretty much where I’m at right now. Reduced to just the pleading desperation for us not to be over while simultaneously knowing it’s really the end.

I finished and waited for Zayn to say something. I didn’t stop looking at the piano though. I didn’t want to risk meeting his eyes and finding pity in them or something else. And I was trying to make sure my eyes didn’t water over.

When I had enough control over my own tear ducts I looked over at Zayn. His eyes seemed a little watery, but I couldn’t say for sure.

“Harry, that was amazing and sad. I’m not quite sure what I should say…”

**“Thanks.”**

He seemed to think a bit before speaking again.

“That was about Louis, wasn’t it?”

**“Yeah. Utterly predictable aren’t I?”**

“No. It’s not a bad thing. I just… Do you want to record it before you leave? You don’t have to do anything with it. I just think it might be therapeutic to have it. If nothing else it’s a good song worth recording.”

**“Are you sure?”**

“Yeah. What day are you leaving?”

**“Thursday.”**

“We could record Monday or Tuesday.”

**“What about Louis?”**

“He has other things he can do. Don’t worry about him.”

**“Okay.”**

We did end up recording on Monday after I spent an antsy weekend around Louis. I kept freaking out thinking he’d find out I was leaving on Thursday. A traitorous part of me hoped he’d find out and then try to stop me. I knew that was unrealistic. I thought Louis might be able to read the guilt all over my face and figure out something was up but nothing changed. It was the same weekend of food, movies, and sex. Not something entirely bad, but not what I really wanted.

At least getting the song recorded brought a happier feeling. While it might not have been particularly cheery, it gave me a sense of accomplishment and Zayn was right about it being therapeutic. When the sound guy gave me a compliment I couldn’t help but blush. I snuck the CD into my bag when I got back to the apartment so Louis wouldn’t find it. Then I started cleaning out all of my hidden stashes of songwriting. I didn’t need Louis to find anything once I had left.

I spent Tuesday and Wednesday doing laundry and packing. I had to be fairly careful. I didn’t need Louis catching on that something was wrong so I could only pack so much at once.

Wednesday night we had sex. I caved. I know I shouldn’t have, but I wanted to feel like I had him one more time before I left. I waited about a half an hour after he fell asleep before slipping out of bed. Well I pressed one last kiss to his forehead before slipping out of bed. There was no going back.

 I couldn’t fall asleep and pretend everything is going to be okay. I finally decided if nothing else, he deserved a note. He hadn’t given me that much when he left but I couldn’t leave with a clear conscience without one.

**Dear Louis,**

**I am sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving, but we both know it was for the best and long drawn out goodbyes never really did anyone any good. It didn’t work last time and it wouldn’t work this time.**

**I need you to know what really happened after you left all those years ago. I met another boy and it didn’t end well. I thought we were dating and he’d only call me over when he hadn’t pulled anybody else. I caught him with a girl one day and that was when the hopeless romantic part of me finally broke.**

**I turned into a whore for a year and a half. I fucked any guy who came my way and became practiced in the art of seduction. I screwed a few girls too; to make sure I was gay—maybe it had been you that was important in that aspect. Either way I was just trying to feel like I had power again. I wanted some control over my life and that was the only way I could get it. Six months of sending emails into the void really did a number on me.**

**I’m not saying it’s all your fault. I just wish you could have at least sent me a goodbye, though your video did try to do that without saying it, still… I deserved a goodbye if nothing else and so do you.**

**This summer I finally got to see you again. I was surprised to say the least and, a part of me didn’t want to admit it, I was glad. I was happy to see the boy I had grown up with, been best friends with, and come to love.**

**You have changed since you left, whether you see it or not. You are stronger in a way. You are also far more confident than you would have been if you had stayed. I think London’s good for you and so are your band mates. You deserve everything you’ve gotten. I know you’ve worked hard to get where you are. I’m glad you’ve found somewhere you belong and get to do something you love to do.**

**I have finally come to terms with a fact that I’ve long known and never really acknowledged. You are it for me. You are everything to me. You are the one that got away and you are the One. You are everything I want in a person and everything I need to get up in the morning. You’re who I picture myself spending the rest of my life with, waking up next to every morning, going to sleep with every night. I love you more than I could possibly love anyone else.**

**But I am not it for you. I am not the other half of your coin. I may have been your first love, but I won’t be your last. I will not be the one you choose to come home to every day nor the one who you’ll be waiting for at the altar.**

**You deserve to find that person that is the other half of your soul and you can’t find them if I don’t go. You’re comfortable with me. There’s no risk. There’s no excitement. There are no fireworks that go off every time we’re in the room together. Our time has passed. I can’t let you miss out on your great love because you’re stuck with me.**

**I have to let you go. For both of our sakes. You should know leaving you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I will always love you, but this is it.**

I was crying by the time I was done writing, but there was nothing else to say. I had said what I needed to. I went to my backpack next, pulling out Louis’ video to me from all those years ago. I didn’t need it anymore. This time there would be no going back, no nights where I got drunk and cried over it.

I put the note and the disk on the kitchen counter, where we had shared so many breakfasts together. Then I went to the guest room, got dressed and started dragging my suitcases down the stairs. It took a little longer than normal since I was trying to make as little noise as possible. Louis may be a heavy sleeper but he could still wake up to the sound of a suitcase clunking down the stairs.

By the time that was done, there was no point in going back to bed. Zayn would be here within an hour. Besides, I could sleep on the plane. Instead I sat on the couch and tried to cry as silently as possible. That way I could get it over with and not have to worry about bursting out in tears while I was over the Atlantic with concerned yet annoyed strangers fussing over me.

It didn’t take too long for Persephone to join me on the couch. I was glad she came to check on me, but this meant now I had to say goodbye to her too.

**“Well, Sephie, this is it. I’m going to be leaving you with Papa Louis. I’m sorry I can’t take you with me, but someone needs to watch after him once I’m gone. I know you two don’t always get along, but please try. I know you two would get along great if you’d only give each other a chance.”**

She mewled at me as if she was disagreeing.

**“Hush. Now I need you to promise me you’ll be good.”**

She rubbed her face against mine and I took it as a yes I promise.

**“I’ll make sure Zayn checks up on you to make sure your fed. I love you, Persephone.”**

I sat with her until Zayn texted me he was outside the door. After I opened the door he quickly wrapped me up in a hug when he saw the state I was in. He rocked me a little and tried to rub soothing circles in my back. It wasn’t the same but it was welcome nonetheless.

We worked quickly to move my stuff out and into his car. I almost started crying again when I remembered to return my key. It felt so final. I put the key and key ring on top of my letter and the DVD. I glanced around the apartment one more time before walking out the door and letting Zayn lock it behind me.

He didn’t say anything to me until I sat down in the car.

“Are you okay?”

**“Not really, but maybe now I can be.”**

He seemed to find whatever he was searching for in my facial expression, because only then did he start driving to the airport.

“I was wondering if you still wanted to keep in touch after today. I promise I won’t talk about… _him_ but I would like to remain friends.”

I thought about it for a minute.

 **“I’d like that.”** I said with a wobbly smile. **“Could you also check on Persephone for me?”**

“No problem, mate.”

**“Thanks.”**

When we finally got to the airport I hugged for what was longer than social protocol dictated, but I didn’t care. I needed it. I also needed him. He’s the only friend I really have. I mean I was friends with Grimmy, but he was more of a fair weather friend: funny to party and drink with but not someone you talked to about emotions when you’re sober.

**“So I guess this is goodbye.”**

“Yeah.”

I think Zayn could sense I wasn’t really referring to him. Being the kind friend that he was, he allowed me a few more minutes before telling me I needed to go check in since international travel could be a real bitch sometimes. I thanked him for the ride before finally leaving. This was it; I was finally moving forward without Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let us know what you think. Kudos, comments, etc. are always appreciated. Have a wonderful summer/winter depending on your hemisphere.


	12. Chapter Eleven

~Louis’ POV~

I woke up to my alarm, as usual. The bed was otherwise unoccupied, but I figured Harry was already up and making breakfast. I headed off to the bathroom before going downstairs. The kitchen was empty, which was weird. I figured Harry must be off picking up the mail or at Zayn’s or something.

I just shrugged it off and went to pour myself a bowl of cereal. I let out a deep sigh at how used to Harry’s cooking I’ve become. Cereal used to be the best thing since sliced bread, now I view it as a sorry excuse for breakfast. I wandered around munching before finally getting to where we normally sat and ate together.

There were a few things and a note sitting there. I picked up the note that was addressed to me in Harry’s handwriting and started reading. I only got a sentence in before putting down my bowl and running upstairs. It said he was leaving, but I couldn’t believe that. I checked the guest room first to see if he was just hiding out there. Instead I found his suitcases were gone. I opened the closet to find all his clothes and shoes missing too.

Then I ran to my room and ripped open my closet. None of the sweaters or beanies I had borrowed were in there either. I went into the bathroom to find all of his toiletries gone too. In a last ditch effort I looked through my suitcase which was still only half unpacked and dumped all of my stuff onto the floor. Harry’s old sweater was gone too. I couldn’t believe it. It was like he hadn’t even been here. He didn’t miss a single article of clothes or wayward tube of toothpaste.

I ever so slowly headed back downstairs. I knew the only way to get answers was to finish reading that letter, but that would make this all too real. I dragged myself back to the counter and started reading through his letter. Once I finished I looked through the stuff that had been sitting by it. It finally hit me that he wasn’t coming back when I saw one of the things he left behind was my goodbye video. My last hope was that maybe he was just crashing at Zayn’s.

I ran over to Zayn’s and let myself in with my copy of the key. I found Zayn sitting on the couch not at all surprised to see me.

_“Zayn, tell me where he is.”_

“And by he you mean…?”

_“Harry! I always mean Harry.”_

“Oh, well he’s gone.” There’s no way. He can’t have _left_ left. He must be at the grocery store.

 _“Where too?”_ I was nervously tapping my foot. As much as I wanted an answer I was anxious, hence the foot tapping. I just couldn’t stand still.

“Back to Chicago. I dropped him off at the airport this morning.” Fuck.

 _“How dare you!”_ I was pissed. No more pansying around. Harry was just gone. Just like that. It’s not okay that someone who I thought was my friend has a part in that. I blew up.

_“He’s my boyfriend! If he was going anywhere I should have known about it! I should have been the one to drop him off! Not you! Where do you get off on interfering with other people’s relationships?!”_

“Firstly, I didn’t do anything wrong. Second, he was just your beard. Emphasis on was since his contract has expired. Lastly there was no relationship to interfere with since Harry wasn’t your boyfriend.”

_“How would you know?”_

“Because I actually talked with him, unlike you. If you had spoken to him for five minutes about anything beyond the superficial you would have known it too.”

 _“Well—“_ I didn’t really have a response for once.

“Well what?”

_“Fuck you!”_

I walked out the door, slamming the door. I headed straight over to Liam’s. I knew he would agree with me that Zayn’s an interfering asshole and Harry’s a dick for just leaving.

I let myself into Liam’s flat just as I had done with Zayn’s. He, on the other hand, looked entirely surprised to see me.

“Hi, Louis. What are you doing here?”

_“I have betrayed by not only my boyfriend, but by someone who I thought was one of my brothers!”_

“I warned you this could happen.”

 _“You warned me Harry would hurt me! You never said Zayn would stick a knife in my back when I wasn’t looking!”_ I was pacing back and forth in front of him practically steaming.

“Did Zayn and Harry run off and elope or something?” The look on Liam’s face was priceless but I was too angry to enjoy it.

_“God no. Don’t be ridiculous Liam. Where did that even come from?”_

“Well you haven’t told me anything so I can only guess…”

_“Oh well. Zayn decided it would be alright to take Harry to the airport without me.”_

“So?” How could he not get this?

_“Harry’s gone. Permanently. And neither of them had the common decency to tell me about it. Harry just up and disappeared overnight and Zayn just took him away. Zayn didn’t even think to give me a warning! Jackass!”_

“This is why you don’t mix business with pleasure, Louis. It will come back to bite you.”

_“Why thank you Oh Wise One. Where were you when I needed you?”_

“I was here, but you were too busy eye-fucking Harry.”

It was probably true. Right now it wasn’t helpful.

_“Yeah well now you don’t have to worry about it. He’s not coming back. He made that perfectly clear.”_

“How?”

_“He took everything! Everything! Even this old sweater I may have stolen when I moved here. Do you know what he left?”_

“No.”

_“He left my flat key, the goodbye video I gave him, and a note. All he left was a fucking note! He couldn’t even tell me to my face. He took the cowards way out and just slipped out in the early morning like some one-night stand.”_

“That’s terrible. But you’re free now. No more worrying about him and trying to muddle the present with the past. Plus you’re out, so you can date whoever you want.”

_“I thought I wanted him! He’s the reason I never fought with management, Li. I always thought in the back of my mind that I didn’t need to look because one day I’d return to Harry. And I did but that obviously blew up in my face.”_

“Want to know what I think?”

_“What?”_

“You were in love with the idea of Harry. You loved who he was when you left and what you had then. It didn’t work because you’ve both changed and neither of you was able to cope with it, but you were too afraid to let go of your past.”

_“But he’s not different!”_

“He is, Louis! The Harry you described to me was a lot different than the Harry who was here. Physically he was the same, if a little grown up, but that was about it.”

 _“What do you mean?”_ I doubted Liam but I wanted to know anyway.

“You should have heard yourself whenever you described him, the few times you let yourself remember him. Your eyes would shine and you’d let out this smile that was only for him, but you never got that smile with him this summer. You used to describe him as this innocent kid who was a hopeless romantic and you two were glued together as if your life depended on it. You told us about all the pranks you pulled, you the leader of mischief and Harry, as faithful as always, trotting right next to you to get in the thick of things. He took care of you and indulged you and you watched over him and protected him from the bad in the world.”

_“How was that different from this summer?”_

He looked at me like he was trying to decide if he should tell me or not.

“You realize you’ve been gone for almost five years….”

_“Yes, Liam. Now if you’d kindly tell me how he didn’t match up with my idealism that would be great.”_

“Well, he grew up, obviously. But he doesn’t seem like a hopeless romantic anymore. He may still have been attracted toward you, but whatever you had is gone. It was stupid of you two to even try.”

_“Liam—“_

“Don’t Liam me. You were up in the shower the first night he was back. You didn’t see how he was when he was on his game. He didn’t try with me or Niall, but him and Zayn were more than willing to go at. They were flirting up a storm like they were well versed in seduction until I pointed out we didn’t even know who Harry was and got sidetracked in the conversation. He seemed like the type to make a game out of it. Keep them close, but never too close. Always keep them wanting more.”

_“I guess. It’s just hard to let go of what you knew.”_

“If it was easy they wouldn’t write how to books on letting go of the past.”

_“Ha ha. So funny.”_

“Now if you’re done whining, we could still manage to get some work done.

_“Why Liam, are you trying to say that I was bitching? I complain, in a very macho and manly manner. How very dare you suggest otherwise.”_

Now it was Liam’s turn to roll his eyes. It was a nice distraction. Work and yanking his chain has to be one of my favorite pastimes. Good old reliable Liam.

Once it started getting later, Liam decided to order takeout. While we were waiting for that to show up, I headed over to my flat to pick up some clothes and stuff. I didn’t think I could sleep at my place tonight. It would only bring back unwanted memories and that didn’t sound very pleasant. It only took about five minutes for me to grab some stuff and I was gone. That was the nice thing about being too lazy to ever unpack; it was always easy to leave on short notice.

I headed back to Liam’s place and found the food had arrived while I was gone. I grabbed my food and plopped myself onto the couch. I started stabbing my food with the chopsticks. I guess I was angry again now that the distraction of work was gone.

“Still mad at Harry?” I guess Liam noticed too.

_“Do you even have to ask at this point?”_

He just shrugged and got up. When he returned, he was carrying a bottle of liquor. I was tempted to run up and kiss him out of happiness but then I would have to get up and that was out of the question.

_“My dear, sweet Liam. Have I ever told you how much I love you?”_

“Yes. And it’s always when I’m bringing you alcohol.”

_“Ha ha. Now stop being smart and pass me the bottle.”_

A few shots later, give or take—counting was too much effort—we were totally smashed.

 _“You know what sucks, Li?”_ I was probably slurring a little, but oh well.

_“Relationships suck.”_

“Here here, mate!” He raised his shot glass and downed it.

_“Here’s this boy who I loved more than anything—anyone else and what does he do?”_

“He dumps you.”

_“He ripped my heart out and threw it in the blender. And you know what he left to replace it with?”_

“What?”

_“A note. All he left was a note. A stupid fucking note.”_

“That sucks.”

 _“You know what’s even more stupider? He says he loves me. He said and I quote that I was_ the one. _Like capital ‘o’ one and everything.”_

“Then why did he leave?”

_“Because, get this, I don’t like him like that. Apparently he thinks he was just convenient. But he wishes me all the best in the future with someone else. Like what the fuck?”_

“That’s a low blow, man.”

_“I even vouched for him with management. The moment I turned around, he just disappeared.”_

“What a dick.”

_“Exactly.”_

“I always thought you were too good for him. You deserve someone fucking fantastic. And they should think the light shines out of your ass!”

_“Damn straight!”_

“Fuck boyfriends!”

 _“I plan on it.”_ I said with a waggle and Liam started cracking up.

_“And fuck Zayn too!”_

“Bro’s before hos!”

_“Yeah! He should be mine in the divorce, not whatever his name is.”_

“Exactly.”

Eventually Liam passed out, I only outlasted him by a half an hour. I don’t really remember what I did, but I remember Liam fell asleep first.

~Harry’s POV~

I woke up the next day a little disoriented. Waking up in a new place off of jet lag tends to do that to you. I looked at the clock and it was four thirty in the morning, but I knew I wouldn’t be getting any more sleep. I was still stuck on London time where it was half past ten. I let out a sigh and decided to call Zayn. I had been too busy doing damage control with my mom to call him yesterday.

I picked up my phone off the bedside table and decided I needed to change my background first and foremost. I do not need to be surprised by the two of us smiling together whenever I go to check the time. I set it to one of the presets and then realized I had some ridiculous number of texts. I was extremely surprised to find it was Louis who had texted.

_You left!!_

_How very dare you!!!_

_You is dumby head_

_Laim agre you left should nt have_

_I fucked pu_

_I shld ve mariedd u. then you hve to sty._

_Meeny steeler Zaynie._

_U <3 Z moor_

The texts got worse in spelling as I went down as he obviously got progressively more intoxicated. He oscillated between mad, needy for attention and confusion. I just deleted them all without looking through the rest. It wasn’t worth it. Drunken ramblings should never be a source of hope. Besides, I was trying to detox and holding onto to his texts never did me any good.

Instead I turned my attention back to someone who did a hell of a better job at paying attention. I opened up my contacts and called Zayn. I hoped this wouldn’t cost me an arm and a leg. Then I remembered Louis or management or whoever was still paying my phone bill and stopped worrying. It was no skin off my nose if it was an extremely large fine. Then I felt guilty for being so selfish, but it was too late to hang up because Zayn had picked up.

“Hello?”

**“Hi, Zayn.”**

“Hey Harry. How are you holding up?”

 **“I’m a little jet lagged and my since of time is a little off.”** I knew that wasn’t what he was asking, but answering that question required me to open a whole can of worms that I wasn’t willing to go within a hundred feet of.

“I take it you made it back, then.” I’m glad Zayn let it go.

 **“I did, yeah. I would’ve called you yesterday but then I was reassuring my mom I was indeed alive and in one peace, which felt like a blatant lie, but what else is new? By the time she was done catching me up on everything that happened while I was gone, it was far too late to call you. Otherwise I would have called you yesterday.”** I explained.

“It’s fine. Did the trip go smoothly?”

**“Yeah. No one stopped me and I felt like just a normal person. It was nice not to feel like the ex-boyfriend of a famous pop star. Or some kind of freak on exhibit.”**

“Yeah. It’s surprising how sometimes we travel and there’s a mob waiting for us and then when we’re on brake we can pass from place to place with almost no one the wiser.”

That was interesting. I was glad I wouldn’t ever have to put that to the test. My mind slipped and wondered if Louis would be able to visit without people noticing. Not that I mind that he’s famous, but people would obviously assume he came to town and I was getting laid and I didn’t want my colleagues thinking that, true or not. Then I felt a stab of pain and remembered that wouldn’t be a problem anymore since I had left him. I quickly changed the subject to cover up my awkwardly long pause.

 **“How’s Sephie?”** Which was more of a worried is she still alive or has Louis accidentally killed her?

“She’s fine. Niall is staying with her right now, making sure she’s fed and watered and what not.”

 **“Niall. Really?”** I was surprised. What must’ve gone haywire for him to get drawn into this?

“Well, I couldn’t watch her. I’m not exactly you know who’s favorite person right now.” I was glad he didn’t mention him by name. It would’ve been a little too painful.

“I didn’t want to risk running into him. He’s staying at Liam’s place, so that knocks him off the list and leaves Niall. Plus I think he’s enjoying your well-stocked fridge. One mention of all the food just waiting there and he was more than happy to spend his days eating and cuddling with Persephone. I think he might have proclaimed himself her godfather…”

**“Why does that not surprise me?”**

“Niall is very loveable if nothing else.”

**“Well, tell him to give her a kiss for me. And that I say thanks.”**

“I will.”

**“Oh and thanks again for giving me a ride yesterday.”**

“It was no problem.”

**“Okay, well bye.”**

“Bye.”

I felt a little better knowing Persephone was taken care of. I was kinda glad it was Niall watching her. He was happy and stable. She needed that right now. Especially since her Papa can be a proper dick when he’s angry, which I’m sure he is. But enough thinking about him.

I needed to sort through the things my mom had picked up for my new apartment and hide anything I didn’t want or else she would insist I put it somewhere and I don’t have the heart to tell her no. And once it made it to the apartment it would stay there on the off chance she ever decides to visit. It had been easy enough to do when I was in the dorms and what parent really wants to go to the dorms? So hiding things was the only option.

~Louis’ POV~

I woke up to blindingly painful sunlight. I almost told Harry to close the blinds, but then I remembered he was gone. My head decided to make itself known at that moment and started pounding painfully. Another reason to keep a boyfriend around is to have them fetch you painkillers. Liam seemed to be just about as happy to be awake as I was, so I decided we would both be better off if I manned up and headed for the paracetamol.

An hour later we were both fed and in significantly less pain. We spent the rest of the day nursing our hangovers and getting not much of anything done. It was mostly just a quiet day mulling over things. I was glad Liam didn’t bring _him_ up once. It let me pretend, at least for a little while, that everything hadn’t gone to hell.

The next day around lunch I finally bit the bullet and went back to my flat. I had run out of the sheet music I had at Liam’s and needed to pick up some more clothes from my place. When I walked in I was surprised to find the smell of food cooking. For a second I let myself hope _he_ was back. Then I was flabbergasted when I realized it was actually Niall cooking in his kitchen. His, because whenever he was there it looked like he was completely at home.

 _“You cook?”_ Even I could here the blatant disbelief in my voice.

“Of course. How else do you think I survive? I mean I don’t have a boyfriend to cook for me like you. Nor do I have family I can see and steal meals off should I get the craving for actual cooked food. Takeout gets boring after a while and I can’t always mooch off of you or the other boys so I cook.”

I just stared at him for a few minutes.

“Plus if I had told you I could cook, you guys would want me to do it all the time and I’m lazy.”

That made more sense. I was still surprised none of us had known before now, then again maybe not.

_“That doesn’t explain why you’re cooking in my flat.”_

“I looked in the fridge and decided I couldn’t let all this food go to waste. It seemed sad that it should go out like that, either moldy and unwanted or burnt past recognition.”

_“But why are you here?”_

“Oh. Zayn asked me to watch Persephone. He said he would do it himself, but it seems you have had a difference of opinion over her Daddy. So I’ve been taking care of her.”

I suddenly felt guilty. I had completely forgotten about her. What does it say about me that I hadn’t remembered before now?

_“Thanks. You didn’t have to, but thanks.”_

“Of course I did. You are obviously in no state to parent so it’s Godfather Niall to the rescue!”

I chuckled a bit.

“Now, are you back or just stopping by?”

_“I’m just stopping by. I was going to grab some of my sheet music, but I can stay. I should be taking care of her.”_

“It’s fine mate. I’ve always wanted a pet. And she’s so good, she’s no trouble. I can watch her longer.”

_“You just want more time to work your way through my fridge.”_

“True.”

I was just going to grab my stuff and leave, but then I thought I should at least try to say hello to ~~his~~ my I corrected myself, cat. I searched everywhere and couldn’t find her. Cats and their magical vanishing tricks. I was secretly relieved that I didn’t have to face her yet. Then I chastised myself for being afraid of a cat, especially my own cat. But I couldn’t help but think that she’d give me the demon eyes as if she knows I’m the reason he left.

I pushed that thought aside and started trying to gather all my notes. Things had gotten a little scattered when I went looking for Harry. God, even saying his name was enough to make me flinch. Damnit, I just needed to get myself together. Like Liam said, there’s someone out there for me that isn’t absolutely adorable with green eyes and dimples and curly hair and tattoos. And there I was thinking about him again. I really needed to stop that.

I decided some space would be better. The memories were too close to the surface here. I was lost in thought as I started to head back to Liam’s place. Niall stopped me on my way to the door.

“I forgot to tell you. Last night Persephone was playing around and knocked something into the piano. When I pulled it out I founds some other papers too. I left them on the coffee table if you want them.”

_“Thanks, Ni.”_

I thought it was weird that they ended up in there but then I thought cats, they work in mysterious ways and shrugged it off. I dropped the rest of my papers onto them and then picked up the pile and left.

Liam and I started working on _Alive._ I think he was trying to hint that I should move on and go be with other people. Or maybe he was trying to say that he wouldn’t judge no matter what I planned on doing. I ignored it. There wasn’t a chance in hell that I was going to be dating any time soon. I still had to save face with management and couldn’t afford to tell them Harry and I had ‘broken up’ within a week of me telling them about us. If there was another part of me that whispered I hadn’t told them because I still hoped we could get back together, I ignored it and got back to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual sorry for not updating regularly, but we really do appreciate your patience and we hope you love this story as much as we do. Let us know what you think about what's going on and as always comments and kudos are much appreciated.


	13. Chapter Twelve

Chapter 12

~Louis’ POV~

I had spent most of the past couple weeks working with Liam. By this point it was mostly silent, since all conversation revolves around _him_ and I didn’t want to think about what happened right now. Nor did I want to listen to Liam’s encouragement that I had craved the first few days after….yeah, I might be better off with Ben  & Jerry rather than Liam now that my heads cooled down. But, alas, life must move on so I’m focusing on work.

I was flipping through all my sheet music trying to find something I wanted to work on. I wasn’t in the mood for anything cheery, nor any of the songs Liam suggests which involve either partying or moving on or, when he gets a really good idea, both. Every time Liam pulled out one of those songs I cringed. Instead of thinking about going out and partying, I could only see Harry out and about flirting, or partying. Instead of picturing myself grinding on the dance floor with some hot dude, I could only see myself at the sidelines watching as Harry, slightly tipsy, attracted men without even trying.

I could feel the sting of envy wishing to be one of the guys buying him his flamboyantly colored cocktails hoping to have a chance to bring him home. And I wanted to tell all the other guys to back off but I have no claim to him. He made it perfectly clear that we were over. So all in all I felt like an asshole, so being free and partying was not what I wanted to work on.

I needed something mellow or melancholy. I wanted to avoid things that reminded me that I miss him. I miss having someone to come home to. I kind of feel like the song Zayn wrote; I’m just half without him. And now I can’t even work. I’m just trying to find something I’m even remotely interested in to improve upon. I even took a look at “Strong” but it took everything I had not to rip it up or start crying. Pretty much every song I try to work on makes me feel like I’m pulling out teeth. Nothing will flow and everything is just painful.

I just kept rifling until I finally saw something that caught my interest. I found a set of sheet music that was not covered in my handwriting. That was odd, especially since I found it in my flat even though none of us have been working out of there. Then I noticed this was Harry’s handwriting. Since when did he write music?

I could only stare in shock for a few minutes before I was finally able to read through the song. I… it was heartbreaking and all I could think was I fucked it up. It was all my fault he left. If I’m right this song means he didn’t want to leave. I started rapidly flipped through all the papers, trying to see if there were any more pages with Harry’s handwriting. I probably looked manic at best, insane at the worst.

“Louis, are you okay?”

_“No, I am absolutely not okay!”_

I was starting to panic. I could’ve stopped him. He still cared for me. I might still have a chance.

“Can I help you find something?”

_“No, Liam, you probably can’t.”_

“What are you looking for?”

I just ignored him, he wasn’t going to like it one bit and I didn’t have time for a confrontation. And there would be a confrontation about it, I had no doubt; I just didn’t want to deal with it now. I had better things to do like search through these damn music sheets. I continued rifling through papers until a hand appeared on the top of the pile preventing me from continuing my search. I looked up and glared at Liam.

“Hey, what is going on? I’ve never seen you like this before. Especially not over some _sheet music_.” His face looked genuinely confused.

_“Look, Li, just let me find what I’m looking for.”_

“Then let me help and tell me what you’re looking for.”

_“No.”_

“No?”

 _“No.”_ I said in a sharp enough tone it caused Liam to step back. This gave me enough time to find the rest of the sheets so I could head out. I grabbed my phone and keys and my carefully collected sheets and headed toward the door.

“Louis, where are you going?”

I had my hand on the handle and I was a turn away from leaving but I guess I should answer him. After all they did let me crash on the couch for a couple days.

_“I have to go talk to Zayn.”_

“About?”

I just looked at the floor for a second before he picked up on the reason I was heading out.

“You’re going to talk about Harry, aren’t you?”

I looked at him and nodded trying to gauge his reaction. His face was closed off like he was thinking and trying to process the information.

“I just don’t understand, Lou. I thought you were getting over him. I thought you were ready to move on and find someone new. Why would you want to try to get him back? He left you in the middle of the night like a cheap one night stand without even a goodbye. I know you were in love with the boy he used to be, but when are you going to realize you two aren’t the same anymore? Maybe you just don’t fit like you used to. Have you thought of that?”

 _“Of course I’ve thought of that,”_ I snapped. _“I’ve had a million and one doubts since day one of this! Maybe he hates me. Maybe he won’t love me like he used to. Maybe we’re only clinging on to a shadow of what used to be something great. I realize it might never work but I have to think this through before I do anything rash, like give up on it forever.”_

“How is letting him go rash? He left you. Permanently. End of story.”

_“Because he wouldn’t have left if I hadn’t fucked it up! He didn’t want to leave! But because I was too stupid to stop him, he left. I need to see if I can fix what I’ve done.”_

“What if you can’t fix it? Then will you _finally_ move on?”

_“What is it with you and moving on?! Can’t you see that I don’t want to move on? I don’t want to let him be the one that got away. I don’t want to try and picture waking up every day next to someone that isn’t him.”_

“I don’t understand where this came from. The other day you were saying you wanted to ‘move on’ and ‘fuck Harry,’ he wasn’t right for you. What changed?”

_“He didn’t want to leave. He left some things around that show me how fucking wrong I was. It was all my fault, Li.”_

“It can’t be all your fault. It requires two to make a relationship to work.”

_“Yeah but it only takes one to break it.”_

And with that, I left. I didn’t need Liam right now. He was helpful when anger was flowing throw my veins and my head couldn’t find its way out of my ass. He didn’t know Harry well enough to be able to help me now.

I walked over to Zayn’s flat and knocked on the door before walking in. I was mad that there was even more he hadn’t told me. I was already mad that Zayn hadn’t told me Harry was leaving, but it hurt that he had kept something as big as Harry writing a song from me.

_“Zayn.”_

“Please, come in I’m not doing anything at all.” He said with his voice laced thick with sarcasm.

_“Harry wrote a song._

There was a pause like he was waiting for me to continue but that seemed pretty self-explanatory.

_“About me. He wrote a song about me.”_

“And?” His brazen tone was causing my hackles to rise up and anger to set in.

 _“So you did know about it.”_ My eyes narrowed.

“Yes…”

_“Why didn’t you tell me about it? I thought we were friends.”_

“Why would I have told you about it? There isn’t some secret clause in our friendship papers that requires me to tell you everything there is to know about my friends.”

_“No. But as my friend you have a duty to tell me important things like my boyfriend is going to leave me!”_

“So we’re back to that again.”

_“Of course we’re back to that! This song proves he didn’t want to leave! I could’ve stopped him! If you had just told me-“_

“If I had just told you? What did you want me to do? Walk up to you and be like hey Louis, Harry’s leaving you behind, you better hurry up before he’s gone?”

_“Yes! No… Not exactly like that but generally yes.”_

“And what would that have accomplished? Huh? You wouldn’t have believed me! Instead of appreciating the heads up, you would’ve given me a firm lecture about how it’s none of my business and I should butt out.”

_“I would not have—“_

“You would have told me to fuck off! Just like you did the day he left. You won’t listen to anyone who isn’t yourself, which is why he left. If you had just opened your eyes and shut your mouth then maybe, just maybe, you would have really seen him and you wouldn’t be in this mess.”

 _“What the fuck are you talking about? I did see him. The_ only _thing I saw was him! I don’t understand why you didn’t warn me so I could have stopped him.”_

“You shouldn’t have needed me to tell you. If you really knew him or even had a serious conversation at all in the past few months you wouldn’t have needed me to tell you he was preparing himself to walk out the door.”

_“We had serious conversations, Zayn.”_

“About what?”

 _“About-“_ Shit! Shit! I can’t think of anything.

“Exactly.”

_“Yeah, well you still should have told me.”_

“Do you really think that if I had told you it would’ve magically been all better? You two were broken long before he left.”

_“We were just fine!”_

“Things were not _just fine_! Do you even realize how much he’s changed since you left him? How much you hurt him when you left? He wasn’t that happy go lucky teenager you described from long ago. He had changed so much and you just couldn’t see it!

 You know how frustrating it was to just sit around and watch the two of you together? How painful it was to see you smile and have a good time and Harry just attempt to follow along like nothing was wrong. Every time you two were together Harry would just sit there and watch hoping for some sort of sign that you care. I can’t even imagine what he was like when the two of you were alone.”

_“Zayn, what the hell are you talking about? He was just Harry. He was a little quieter but still just Harry.”_

“Did you ever think of why he’s quieter? What may have changed? Did you think to ask how he’s been or what’s going on outside of classes? Can you really not see that you destroyed him when you left?”

_“I did no such thing. He may have been a little hurt when I left, but he’s fine now.”_

“If he was so _fine_ then why did he leave? If everything was going so well with the two of you back together then why isn’t he here? Did you even bother to talk about why you cut him off?”

_“He knows why.”_

“But did you talk with him about it?”

_“I didn’t have to.”_

Zayn just rolled his eyes at me and walked to the kitchen. I got up and followed him.

_“What?”_

“…”

_“Zayn?”_

“…”

_“Zayn! Talk to me!”_

He just kept walking around the kitchen doing something, maybe making coffee or something else irrelevant.

_“What did I do? Why won’t you talk to me?”_

He turned around and looked at me.

“Are you really that stupid? Asking me where you went wrong when you didn’t get anything right? You broke him. Again. And you come in here harping to me about secrets and brotherhood and how could I betray _you_. Well, Louis, you’ve betrayed us, your bandmates, and even worse, you betrayed Harry. The one person in the world you say that you care the most about, you say you love him or he’s your one and only or whatever other shit you spat out but you sure as hell don’t act like it.

You treated him like some fucking booty call who was here for nothing more than bearding and some hookups. You tell us he’s just a good friend from the past until he’s brought to your doorstep and all of the sudden he’s your long lost love from the states and you thought everything was going to work out between the two of you?

You refuse to even acknowledge what happened the last time you two were together and you expect to be able to magically move on without ever talking about it? You know how ridiculously naïve that is? You want this magical cross-continental romance that easy and all fun and no work. You want to just magically fall back together. So you just ignore all the signs that he’s not the same, that he’s not that little hopeless romantic who lived next door to you and you knew like he was a piece of your own soul.”

_“What are you talking about I broke him again? I never broke him. He got on just fine without me.”_

“Seriously? You think he got on _just fine_ without you? You shattered him! Do you know how long it took him to get over you? How long he was lost until he was able to pull himself back together again? He may have put on a brave front but there is no doubt he suffered when you dropped him like a piece of yesterday’s trash.”

_“And you know this how exactly?”_

“Because I actually talked to him! I spent almost a month working with Harry in your flat while you were gone all day working with Liam. I asked him about what happened when you left and talked about what it was like being back now. I got to see the heartbreak in his eyes when he talked about how you left and the scars left behind from the fallout. I was a friend to him, which is more than you can say.”

_“You make it sound worse than it was. I left and he moved on with his life and went to college and graduated and now he’s going for a Ph.D. He’s successful for fucks-sake! Nothing more, nothing less.”_

“But he hasn’t moved on. Not really. He wrote you a song, Louis. And you’re sitting here shrugging like it was no big deal. You’re everything to that boy. Can you not see that leaving devastated him, both times?”

_“Harry’s strong and he’s friendly. He didn’t need me.”_

“He wasn’t fine! He wasn’t okay! You were everything to him and you didn’t have the fucking dignity to even say a proper goodbye. He spent six months waiting for you to give him some sign that you cared! That anyone cared! So he ended up hooking up with some bastard that strung him along for a few months before Harry caught him with some chick and he told Harry he was just a hole to fuck and nothing else. He even invited Harry to join them. Harry spent the next year or so fucking around trying to regain control over himself because he had trusted you two idiots to care for him and he just got fucked over, twice!”

_“Why would he go out with that asshole?”_

“Because of you, Louis! Because you thought it was a grand idea to just cut him off and leave him high and dry. By the time this guy got to him he was so vulnerable because he just needed to feel like someone cared for him. You cut the cord leaving Harry in free fall waiting for the first person to catch him. So it’s just as much your fault as his.”

_“How was I supposed to know that?”_

“Can you really not read the signs? Harry has a major submissive streak underneath his coat of armor. He’s a people pleaser. He needs to help make other people happy and it’s your responsibility to make sure he gets the proper attention to keep him happy in return. You can’t just cut yourself off from people who rely on your attention. It’s not good for you and it’s not good for them. Cutting them off is like telling them they’re not good enough and they’ll keep trying harder and harder to please you until you either respond or someone else steps in to take over.”

I just stared at him in shock. I couldn’t believe he just unloaded all that on me. I mean I know I screwed some things up but I didn’t think I had fucked up this badly. And I should’ve known. I was so so stupid to just assume what we had was normal. It had been so hard for me not to respond to his e-mails. To tell him I loved him so much and he was still the only boy for me.

I had to pull the battery out of my laptop one time just to stop myself from responding. It hurt me not to give him when he was asking for any sign that I still cared. How cruel was I to just cut him off like that? How much would it have hurt if I had relied on one person for all of my attention and they just split? It’s even worse because he relied on that attention to direct him through everything.

I can see it now, how much I played a role in his life. His glances whenever we were with others to check he was doing something right. The look in his eyes when he really wanted a hug or a kiss but didn’t want to ask. I know he was submissive in bed. He always reacted well to praise and wanted to be a ‘good boy.’ I just never realized that extended to the rest of his life. Apparently he needs to know he’s done something right, regardless of what else was going on. And I had just ripped the rug from underneath him.

_“You’re right. I should’ve known. I just never thought about it. Yeah Harry sometimes hung on every word but that’s just how we were. I was the leader and Harry was always faithfully by my side even if it was a completely idiotic task. We were young and we were always together and it was just how we worked. I never thought to look it up or that other couples didn’t work like that._

_Neither of us had ever seen a fully functional relationship before. Both our dads had fucked off when we were young and my step-dad fucked off after the twins. I was eighteen when I moved. I didn’t know any better. When I moved I knew I had to end it when I left. I didn’t have enough money to ever visit and I didn’t want a slow, drawn out breakup, slowly talking less and less until it was a good month if we talked once._

_It would have been agony, watching each other grow up from afar. Maybe having a crush on someone else but being too afraid to let go of what we already know. The future was bleak and the best thing for us was to cut it off before it could end tragically._

_I know it was selfish and a cowards way out. I know Harry deserves better than me. He’s always deserved better, that’s why I just stopped, so he could have a chance to move on.”_

“Louis.” Zayn said with sympathy laced in his voice.

 _“I don’t want your pity, Zayn. I just want Harry back. But I can’t have him back because I screwed up. Again.”_ I shook my head. _“I just don’t know what to do anymore. I tried to leave him and I hurt him. I tried to be with him again and that hurt him. Now he’s left me and that’s hurt him too. I just… Maybe I should just stop now. I’ve already caused him enough pain.”_

“Louis,” Zayn said.

I didn’t want to look at him so I just stared at my fingers while they drummed on the counter.

“Louis?”

 _“What?”_ I snapped.

“You can still-“

_“I can still what? Get him back? Just because I can do something doesn’t mean I should.”_

“Well that’s a first.”

_“What?”_

“The great and powerful Louis, who has done whatever he can no matter the consequences is bowing out at the first sign of rocky water. The only barrier he won’t cross requires emotional commitment. No surprise there.”

_“Hey! I’m no coward.”_

“Really? Then why are balking?”

_“I am not!”_

“Didn’t you just say you were quitting? Once and for all.”

_“It’s not quitting! I’m just letting him go.”_

“So you’re giving up. I guess he’s just not worth the effort then.”

_“What? No! Of course not! He’s worth it! He’s worth every ache, every pain. Nothing is worth more than his happiness. I love him!”_

“Then why are you giving up?”

I didn’t have a response.

“If you still truly care about him, you can fix this. Just make sure you really want this because this is your last chance. This is it and if you fuck it up there’s no more do-overs. And you’re going to have to prove how serious you are to Harry as well…”

I sat there thinking. I had to be sure this time. If I went back for him I would have to put everything in it. I’d have to acknowledge the time I was gone and not just pretend it never happened and hope it goes away. But I wanted him back so I had to try.

I spent the rest of the night talking with Zayn trying to figure out what I should do. I couldn’t make everything better with a grand gesture, but it would be a start. When I left that night I just had to try calling him. I know I need to do something more than that but I couldn’t help but dial his number after I had kicked Niall out of my flat.

~Harry’s POV~

I was moving boxes into my new apartment when my phone went off. I looked down at the screen to see Louis’ name flashing with a picture of us with a few random emojis by his name. I wish I had remembered to change that the last time when he had drunken texted me. I didn’t want to answer it or risk a voicemail I could keep listening to like some kind of masochistic torture so I answered and quickly hung up before he could say anything. I just hoped he’d get the message and didn’t call me back.

My mom just happened to walk in at the tail end of the ringing. Perfect timing. Thanks Louis.

“Who was that, honey?” She said as she set down a box.

**“It was no one. Just one of my friends from England.”**

“Oh? So I take it your trip went well?”

I sighed internally. I had managed to avoid this conversation for a few days but it looks like I finally had to face the music.

**“It was good. Fun. It was nice to travel a bit before starting grad school.”**

“And?”

**“And what?”**

“Any new friends or a boyfriend perhaps? Rekindle any old flames?”

**“Yes I made a new friend or two. No I do not have a boyfriend nor did I ‘rekindle’ any old flames, mom.”**

“Well then how is Louis? Did you get a chance to catch up on old times?”

**“He’s doing great. He’s successful and he’s doing well.”**

“That’s good.”

**“Mhm.”**

“Do anything exciting?”

I decided not to tell her about the impromptu Australia trip or the being faced with thousands of fans and camera flashes.

**“I got to see London and meet a few people. Nothing too eventful.”**

“Really? Nothing at all?”

I felt a little bad for lying to my mom, but I had stopped telling her the details of my personal life a long time ago.

**“Nope.”**

We returned to silence and I started unloading the boxes. I was glad I was finally getting an apartment. I could visit my mother when needed but I’d always have a place to return to. No more forced stays at home with my mother where I feel like I’m hiding a huge part of me. I admittedly am, so that feeling isn’t going to go away and telling her isn’t an option so safe haven it is.

I started with the kitchen, putting away groceries first since some of them needed to be refrigerated, and just kept working from there. I directed my mother to put things away so I could keep her busy so she wouldn’t question me. That only lasted for so long.

“Are you sure there was nothing else exciting that happened? My only son goes off to London, and you’d think he’d at least bring back some stories.”

I had some crazy stories, like my ex-boyfriend showed up to whisk me away to London as his beard. Then we became fuckbuddies and I left in the middle of the night with only a note and a DVD to show I was even there.

**“I don’t know what to tell you, mom. I stayed with Louis, made a few friends and that was it… And I saw Jay.”**

“How is she? I haven’t seen her in ages. The two of us used to chat and compare mischief stories about the two of you.”

**“She’s doing good. She likes her job over there and her and the girls seemed to have made a good life for themselves.”**

“Is Louis not living with them?”

**“Uh, no. He’s living in his own apartment in London.”**

“Is he still going to school or?”

**“He got a job after he moved there.”**

“Doing what?”

**“Some singing and acting.”**

“And he is making a living at that?”

**“He seems to be doing just fine.”**

It wasn’t a lie, more of an understatement.

“That’s nice. He always liked music.”

 **“Mhm,”** I agreed.

“And the new friends you made?”

**“Zayn and Grimmy. Grimmy works at a local radio station and Zayn is one of Louis’ band mates.”**

I was hoping she wouldn’t ask for any more details. The more vague the details the less likely she would find out they were famous and what this summer really entailed.

“That’s good.”

I went back to unpacking and let out a sigh of relief when my mother finally left a few hours later. I still had more settling in to do, but at least I didn’t have to worry about her finding stuff in my boxes. It would have been awkward if she had found my stash of condoms. Not that I was getting any use out of them, but still it’s embarrassing to have your mom come face to face with the fact her son is sexually active. Other than that I guess there wasn’t anything else to find. Anything linking Louis and I, I left in London.

I looked around at the pile of empty boxes and bubble wrap and wondered if Persephone would have been playing in it; getting stuck in boxes and startled by the sound of popping bubble wrap. Instead she might have ridden around on my shoulder, peering into all the boxes to inspect the goods while I unloaded them. I miss her, but I couldn’t bring her home. At least I knew Niall would take good care of her if Louis’ head was still stuck up his ass.

The better question is why the hell was he trying to call me today. Not that it mattered anymore. He used up his chances and I’m not going to just come running at his every beck and call. Still why bother calling? He never did that when I was there. Zayn’s the only person I’ve ever called to just chat besides the obligatory family phone calls.

Seeing Louis’ name pop up on my screen scared the hell out of me. But I did the fight thing hanging up so he couldn’t leave a voicemail. I was trying to move on. I didn’t need a voicemail haunting my dreams. And I hoped by answering and hanging up it would discourage any more calls. The last thing I needed was a distraction now that school was starting.

The next thing I had to do was set up my wi-fi. Then I had to check my e-mail. I had a confirmation that I was expected to meet up with my Ph.D. advisor later this week. I had another email informing me that I was the associate instructor for an intro psych class. On the one hand that was good because I didn’t have to run a discussion or have office hours. On the other, I was going to have to do a shit load of grading.

At least this would give me some time to allow my name to fade from the papers before having to be in a large lecture. Hopefully by the time I have to do some actual instructing the closest I’ll get to being recognized is some faint glimmer of recognition like this feeling they’ve seen me before but they’re not quite sure where it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading. So sorry it's taken so long for always and please don't be afraid to let us know what you think.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

~Louis’ POV~

A few days after my talk with Zayn, I was sitting in a meeting with the rest of the band talking about the new single we were releasing. It had been decided a month or so ago, at a formal team meeting between us, management and various other minions required for releasing a new album, that _Strong_ would be the single we released.

At that oh so long ago meeting _,_ _Strong was chosen_ after a long and passionate battle between Niall and I where I was pushing for _Strong_ to be released and Niall was rooting for _Don’t Forget Where You Belong._ Zayn had chosen _Story of My Life_ and Liam had picked _Through the Dark_ , but they had quickly bowed out and let Niall and I duke it out. As usual they had been drug into the battle and Liam had sided with Niall, probably in some vain attempt to distance me from Harry by distancing me from my song, since he still thought Harry and I had rushed into our relationship and he disapproved of my plan to fight for him. On the other hand Zayn looked mildly concerned after hearing _Strong_. At the time I thought the concern had to do with how long Harry and I had been dating, what with our rocky past and just getting back together so I had just brushed off his concern. Now I realize it was because he had been talking to Harry and knew our relationship was bound to result in a violent explosion of emotions that was largely overdue.

At the end of the day _Strong_ was chosen for tactical reasons. The PR team wanted to capitalize on the press and attention Second Star received due to my relationship and use Harry and I as a launching point for the single. Thus Niall was defeated by the great and almighty me, and I couldn’t help but stick out my tongue to keep the mood playful. He really had written a fantastic song that was sure to be a fan favorite with its humble message but I obviously had wanted to tell the world how much I loved Harry since I was finally admitting it to myself again.

Today, it no longer seems like as much of a victory as it had on the day I won because he’s gone and I have to go tell management, who was insisting he accompany me to some television show where we’ll be interviewed and play the single live for the first time, that there key piece of publicity, aka my boyfriend, won’t be there. This resulted in a very awkward conversation that went something like “haha. Did I forget to mention my boyfriend went back to the states to start classes and can’t attend the single release? Which was why you had chosen to release this single? My bad.”

Their response wasn’t very kind and went something the lines of “what do you mean he’s not here. We picked this single because you wrote this for your boyfriend and we want to capitalize upon the publicity you’ve been getting because of him. How dare he leave at this crucial moment?”

And I, being the smart ass that I am had to respond with something along the lines of “Well not everyone’s lives revolve around the media. Some people have to go to school and so they can get real jobs that don’t revolve around leaking rumors to the media!”

Which got the very kind response of “if it weren’t for said media, you wouldn’t even have your boyfriend back. Without us, you would have kept up with your front with that girl we hired as your beard and you would still be stuck in the closet. Without those rumors we spread to the big bad media you would have nothing.”

Needless to say it devolved into a lot of yelling, but at the end of the day Harry was at school in Chicago and couldn’t be here so they could suck it. They were not happy with me, to put it lightly. But at least they didn’t know Harry had actually dumped me, in a letter no less, otherwise I’d be in deeper shit. My hopes aren’t high but a small part of me is obviously still hoping I can unfuck my fuck up with Harry.

Liam, on the other hand, was mad because he wanted me to tell the management team Harry and I had broken up so they could release a statement and I can finally try to “move on with my life. Date someone new. You can’t possibly know who you want in your life since you’ve only dated one person.” Which was utter bullshit in my opinion. I know this is cliché but when you know, you know. That was half the battle the first time we split, was having the feeling I had left my soul mate behind and wow has Harry rubbed off on me. But, nonetheless, I knew without a doubt I wanted Harry and I was going to get him back so Liam could just shove it. And that’s what I keep telling myself anyway.

Then there was Zayn, who had his own concerns in regards to the interview. But at least he was less passive aggressive about it. No vague platitudes or dropping subtle hints when he thought I wouldn’t realize what he was doing. Nope. Zayn was direct. He cornered me when we got back to our block of flats and, to be honest, I kind of expected it.

“Lou, I hope this interview isn’t your grand plan to win him back.”

And what a way to top off this already headache inducing day with an inquisition. The last thing I wanted to do right now was defend myself to someone else but it seems like I wouldn’t be able to avoid it. Zayn would just track me down later and force me to talk then. I’d just rather get it over with, so I let out a deep sigh and tried to muster up some energy.

_“No, Zayn this isn’t my ‘master plan to win Harry back.’ This is just something I need to do for not only him, but for myself as well. Even if it all goes to Hell I think it’ll give us some closure for better or worse.”_

“Are you sure? This is the first song you’re going to admit to writing about him. We both know it’s going to whip the fans and media into a frenzy.”

Obviously we both know this is definitely not the first song I’ve written about Harry, but it will be the first time I’m going to admit to having a specific someone in mind in relation to a song I’ve written. Though before now most of the interviewers tended to gloss over the fact that I wrote some of our songs choosing instead to discuss which of us was currently taken. Though I guess this song does involve me writing about a romantic interest easily explaining the media’s change of tune. Shallow, but I can’t shame them too much since I’ve been using that fact to previously distract them from asking about Harry. Ironic now that I’m willing to talk but that’s life for you.

Zayn continued, “And everyone is going to know exactly who you’re talking about. It’s going to be invasive and they’re going to want to ask questions all about your relationship since that’s obviously what it’s about. You have never shared anything about a relationship before and now that this one’s been made public they’re going to ask every question you managed to avoid for the past four years.”

He took a deep breath before looking me in the eyes and asking, “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

_“Yes.”_

No, if’s and’s or but’s. It was a simple word, but definitive. Nothing else needed to be said. I was ready. Ready to make myself vulnerable, and bare myself to the world with no regrets because Harry was worth it. Even if my epic plan to try to win him back and prove that I still love him doesn’t work, he deserves to hear the words I’m going to say. He deserves the answers to those horribly invasive questions I have no doubt I’ll be asked, but, at the end of the day, he still deserves to hear them. I may be thousands of miles away and he’ll only know my words through a computer screen, but he has earned the right to hear them despite the distance.

Zayn just looked at my face for a while and I guess he saw what he wanted because he nodded and left me after that. And really there wasn’t much else to do; no more words to be spoken because this needed to happen and this interview would allow that to happen.

 I let out a sigh of relief as I watched Zayn return to his flat. That nod was all I needed to know he supported me, if nothing else. If even he had given up on me then I know I would’ve been truly fucked. I mean I knew I still had Niall on my side, after all he had declared himself Larry Shipper Numero Uno, his words not mine. But his support was more along the lines of “aww that’s adorable you two are so cute” unconditional support, which is nice to have but it isn’t enough on it’s own especially when I’ve fucked up this badly. I also need someone who supports me but is willing to tell me when I’m going too far or not doing enough.

And it can’t be Liam, because, well, Liam is not my biggest fan at the moment. He hasn’t forgiven me since I freaked out at his place, ran out on him and went running to Zayn. We haven’t really talked except when he said he’d help me pull myself back together when this didn’t work out. Not _if_ but _when_ , which was hurtful, but at the same time I realize my relationship with Harry seems like a dramatic romance you should only be able to get away with in cliché teen movies, but alas it seems this is what my life has come to. I then proceeded to roll my eyes at myself and return to my flat.

It was about a week later when we finally released our single and had the interview. It started out with us arriving at the studio that included, but was not limited to, fans screaming, girls swooning, and quite a few signs in various obnoxiously bright colors. Then there was wardrobe and make-up and, before I knew it, we were being introduced and joining the host in front of the camera’s. She started out with the usual chitchat about being the biggest boy band in the world, followed by the world tour and all of the rest of the routine questions before we finally started talking about what they really wanted to ask us about. In this case it was _Strong._

“So Louis,” the interviewer asked. I couldn’t really remember her name, but I was feeling too nervous to feel guilty about not having paid attention.

“A little birdy told me you helped right this single.” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the cliché.

 _“I did.”_ I wish I had sounded a little more confident but I guess it could have come out worse, all things considered.

“And who is it about? Harry perhaps?” She was pretending to be coy, but she wasn’t nearly as good at that as she thought she was.

 _“I did write this for Harry,”_ I confirmed. _“In fact I wrote it while he was staying with me over the summer. We’d sit on the couch and while he’d read I’d pen some lyrics or scribble out a tune in my notebook.”_

“Care to share more about the emotion and thoughts behind this song?” She asked me like it was just another question, nothing to indicate how extremely personal and invasive that question was.

 _“I just really wanted to write a song about him. About us.”_ I started to explain. _“I wanted a song that covers where we’ve been and where we’re going. Love can be intimidating especially when faced with a rapid move across the pond and our lives going in completely different directions. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is how we feel when we’re together. It’s a fairly obvious message but its one I wanted to world to hear: he makes me Strong.”_

The audience proceeded to coo after I finished and I had to find the urge to leave the stage and go hide somewhere. Instead I fought not to blush or fidget. Sharing with virtual strangers was not easy for me. Hell, even sharing with my band mates was clearly not easy for me, but I couldn’t stay completely closed off anymore. I hoped, if nothing else, Harry might hear it, but even if he didn’t this needs to be done.

“Now isn’t that absolutely adorable? Speaking of, how are you and Harry doing?”

 _“We’re doing good. I’m a little sad because his summer break ended and he had to go back to school, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s always been the brains in our relationship.”_ That got me the laugh I wanted.

“Well that’s all the time we have. When we come back Second Star will be preforming their new hit single _Strong.”_

We headed off stage to go get ready and that was that. I hope maybe he’ll hear _Strong_ even if he doesn’t see the interview, but there’s little to no chance of anything changing between us unless I can pull of the grand gesture of the century. But I still had some more planning and details to arrange before then.

 

~Harry’s POV~

A week before classes began I met up with my thesis advisor. He was pretty lax, which was nice. On the other hand, I caught him with a picture of Louis and I opened up in his browser, which was sort of… creepy. This was followed by a really awkward um on my part and him looking confused until he realized the picture was me. Which led to a lengthy explanation about how the students had been sending a bunch of emails to everyone on campus with our picture in order to track me down for reasons I didn’t want to think about. Which led to an awkward conversation about my “long-term boyfriend” being in a famous boy band and how the news just broke a few months ago so there was still the new factor. I was grateful when all he did was nod like it was a common occurrence and told me he didn’t care as long as my work wasn’t suffering, because he’d hate to see a bright young mind go to waste. Of course that led me to go completely red and let out a semi-coherent statement of thanks, before making an excuse to leave and go do my initial orientation and fill out paperwork.

A week later school started as it always starts. There’s the groan of having to wake up before the sun rises and the last minute gathering of things you forgot to pack yesterday and double-checking your schedule in order to make sure you know where you’re going. Luckily, my first day managed to avoid being confronted by any Second Star fans, I wasn’t foolish enough at this point to try and delude myself that I wasn’t recognized. I saw enough stares and jaws open to know a fair few had recognized me. I suspect the only reasons they didn’t approach me was either from shock or they didn’t want to admit to being super fans. On top of that, my classes were smaller, and the smaller the pool of people I interacted with the less likely I would run into one of the crazed fans who had sent out the mass email. So far I was glad that I was returning to school as a grad student rather than an undergrad.

And then the bright hope I had for my future disappeared before it had really manifested. I didn’t even last a full week of classes before everything went to hell. My thoughts about grad students being less likely to insert themselves in my life were crushed into dust. If it hadn’t been for _her_ … well it would be more accurate to say if Louis hadn’t pulled such a stunt, but I digress. If _she_ hadn’t felt the need to point out what he did I could’ve have lived on in relatively happy… more like neutral ignorance!

It all started when I had to go to the introductory meeting for the intro Psych class I was an assistant instructor for. In this case it was just a fancy name for grader.

At the end of the meeting one of the other graders felt the need to come up to me and offer her support and say how proud she was of Louis and me, and thanked us for having the courage to come out and to openly admit to having a beard. It was earth shattering to so many people she knew that having a beard was something that happened because people were so afraid to be rejected for admitting who they love. It had apparently inspired her to the point where she came out and introduced her girlfriend to her parents, which made me feel extremely conflicted.

I mean it feels so great that Louis inspired something great by owning up to the fact he had had a beard for years. He was willing to admit that he was gay and had been in a long-term relationship with a boy, which was inspiring nowadays. But I felt guilty the _we_ of all people were her inspiration, her dream relationship, me and this guy I had left a month ago leaving a note bearing my soul, that he was the love of my live even knowing I would never be his. I was so happy for her, but still in pain from the loss and guilty of the lies I told. But I pushed that all away. She was happy and inspired; she didn’t need to know about the pain. Instead I focused back on the real reason she had walked over. She had seen the video of Second Star’s interview and first live performance of _Strong_ and wanted to congratulate us on how adorable we were.

So I went home and after a solid thirty minutes attempting to convince myself it was a terrible idea, I decided to look up the song she talked about. And naturally with my luck partnered with masochistic tendencies the first video to pop up and therefore the one I clicked was the single release interview. And I understand why it’s smart for Louis to say we were still together and using “us” as promo, but damn he looks so sincere when he talks about us and this song. I actually remember him writing it and had quite possibly snuck a few peeks at his journal when he was writing next to me, but I had never thought it would turn into _this_. I mean Louis has always been questionable when it comes to expressing and dealing with his emotions, but this song was something else. It broke me. It made me want to go running back to England because he looked so raw, like for once in his life he was willing to open up regardless of the pain, and how did it come to this? Us switching roles where I run away while he holds on for dear life? Could I really even believe any of what I had watched when it so plainly conflicted what I had witnessed this summer?

And it makes me so mad! It shouldn’t be this easy for him to make me question my resolve. I was moving on. I know I’ll always love him, that’s a given and I’ll never deny the feelings again, but I wish he didn’t make me feel like I made a huge mistake by letting him go. _He_ was the one who never said anything! He was the one who left without a word and kicked me out of his life! He treated me like nothing but a good fuck for a summer and now he comes back with this powerful, moving song and makes me feel like the bad guy! It wasn’t fair. I made peace with my choices and I was returning to reality where he was too far away and I had far too much work to do, leaving me no time to deal with anything else really, and he ruined it! Damned it all to Hell!

I wish, for once in his life, he could stop making mine more difficult. Or if that wasn’t possible I wish we could change the past. If he had just talked to me back when he moved away, I wouldn’t be in this mess. If he had just freed me all those years ago then maybe I wouldn’t be in this deep… Which, was a blatant lie considering no matter whether he had broken up with me outright or it had gone the way it had, I would still be harboring feelings for him. I have accepted that revelation after this summer. No matter what happened in my life, I would always love Louis.

But that feeling would be so much easier to tolerate if I wasn’t constantly being reminded of it. If I’ve learned anything from when he abandoned me it was that Louis Tomlinson holds entirely too much power over me. And its because of all that fucking history mingled with all the attention presently on us that I’m stuck in Limbo and have no way to move on. If anything it would be a hell of a lot easier if I could trust him again. I think that’s one of the things I miss most, being able to trust him with anything and everything. To be able to share all of my worries and fears and not being belittled for having them or worried that they would be spun as a marketing strategy. But mostly I wish I could tell him about Colin and when I was broken and know he wasn’t silently judging me.

The vindictive part of me really needs to see him broken like I was when he left.  But on the other hand, I almost wish he came after me so I could change my mind without having to run back to him, so I could hold the power for once. At least then I could watch him own up to what he had done and know it wasn’t just for the cameras or the media or his PR team or whomever else felt they deserved to have a piece of him, of us. With just the two of us I’d know he cared about me because he cared, not because someone else wanted to hear it. But I don’t know if it could ever be enough. Dealing with people who believe they are entitled to know everything about his personal life because he’s in _their_ favorite band. Everything is so much more complicated than it used to be and as much as I wish it was just between us, I can’t delude myself. It won’t be just us and I will have to accept that. But at this point I don’t care. His job comes with a shit ton of extra, but it doesn’t matter because I just miss home. I mean him. I miss being so close that we could share our bodies, mind and heart; everything we had we gave to each other.

And now he’s gone. Even when he left, he was the one thing I always wanted. And now I can’t have him. I can’t let myself even fathom a life with him anymore. I have to move on without him and it’s like stabbing a knife into my chest, but it’s got to happen. As much as I know I will never love someone like I love him, I don’t want to be alone. I’m not strong enough pretend I’m happy on my own. But how do you move on knowing the best you’ve had, is the best you’ll ever have? I have to go on. I just don’t know how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm soooo soooo sorry I haven't updated in like forever. It's been a crazy year but I've started writing again so I gave you this chapter and hope to have the climactic next chapter up soon. Thanks a ton for your patience, kudos, messages etc. And hope you continue to like where this story goes.

**Author's Note:**

> Come follow us on tumblr for information regarding the fic (pocketfuloflouis.tumblr.com). Thank you so much for reading and please let us know what you think!


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